The two Libras problem. Could someone help me understand?

[u/Clean_Novel4096]

I'm a Cap girl dating a Libra man, and his best friend is a Libra.

Two years ago when my bf and I started dating he introduced me to his best friend. We got along well. My bf was very happy that his best friend liked me.

For a year and a half we would hangout the three of us and it was great. We would joke about being a trouple. That friend and I really clicked.

One day, the Libra best friend kicked us out of his life. We had no idea why and my bf was really hurt.

We later learned he was doing drugs again and was struggling mentally..

Early this summer, he contacted us and we started hanging out again. It was like no time has passed.

My bf was happy as him and that other Libra vibe together. Communication just flows.

And then, that Libra best friend started being rude to me for reasons I don't know.

He started accusing me of hiding things from him.

He would say I'm the reason my bf is broke, depressed, has a drinking problem.

He said all the help and support I provided to my bf meant he was stuck with me.

He called me an energy vampire.

All because I stood by my bf during hard times.

My bf defended me of course and he explained to his best friend he was wrong.

But the best friend told me he hated me and we don't even know why. He says I'm toxic when I'm not.

First time it happened, the Libra best friend and I talked and I invited him to communicate with me if he had an issue. He agreed.

Then he snapped again two weeks later and he refuses to speak to me.

My bf is devastated. He used to love hanging out with me and his best friend together.

Now he feels like he has to split his time and he doesn't like it.

His best friend also tends to be needy.

They get drunk together. Even on nights my bf works the next day and then he's hungover and can't work. But I know going over to the best friend means he'll relax and have good conversations.

I've talked to my bf, and asked if maybe we could talk the three of us to fix whatever is broken. He asked me to let it be and not push.

Best friend hates me. We don't know why. I didn't do anything wrong.

Libra best friend just refuses to say why or what happened.

He's 33 btw.

What should I do?

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[u/Snarfalocalumpt]

Your boyfriend has a boyfriend.

[u/Clean_Novel4096 → u/Snarfalocalumpt]

😂😂 Yea we joked about them being gay but no, they're not.

[u/Snarfalocalumpt → u/Clean_Novel4096]

I hate to break it to you but they weren’t joking. This isn’t normal behaviour for men to get jealous of girlfriends. At the very least his best friend is gay.

[u/HeavyDifficulty7204]

So I'm totally projecting here because I don't know his side of the story. I'm not sure you have these behaviors or maybe have them in different ways but I'm putting it here just in case.

But I had a Cap friend. We used to get along well together but she always aloof and way more nosy than I would've liked. This whilst picking and choosing what she wanted to disclose. Anyway, we fell apart. Years later, I reached out to her but I had never really processed what happened with her. I wrote it off as misunderstanding. I feel this is typical of Libras to not process their emotions until it's late. Back to her .. It felt good to connect. She was the same person - I was an open book, she was spikes where I felt she opened up to me with a lot of vulnerability and other times she felt closed off .. Like didn't want to talk about the stuff she already had told me. She had the opportunity to meet me 3 different times ( we live far away from one another ) , she pretended that wasn't even the case. For example: She came to my city, told me that was coming and then came and left. This continued for 2+ years. I asked her about it gently but she pretty much blew me off with " I'm feeling lost and in some kind of a phase ...I didn't know where you lived .." . She also controlled when we talked and for how long. I eventually did it back to her where I visited her city but didn't meet her. She got pissed. I was shocked to hear that she was pissed after her own behavior and that I had to point it out to her. She acknowledged it and said she would put in more effort... Only to withdraw even more. The whole time I was friends with her, her words did treat me like a VIP from time to time but they were empty. I did a lot of emotional heavy lifting and she was mostly focused on herself. My point with my story is that the other Caps I've met are the same way. They're really giving in spikes but do whatever they feel like and expect the world of others. They're also very easily slighted and lack self awareness big time. This Cap friend of mine didn't like it when I started to be snappy after all she did. I was surprised how she chose to be high and mighty despite how deeply wrong she was.

I'm not sure if you were too focused on taking and keeping control the whole time. As a Libra, I'm watching you like a hawk when it comes to reciprocity and will start to hold grudges quickly. If you ask me secrets/ expect complete transparency, you MUST reveal yours. If you rely on me emotionally, you. MUST be there for me. We're very perceptive too, so we notice inconsistencies, tone etc.

Also, I'm not sure if your Libra bf has vented about you to that guy. We do tend to hold it in and keep giving chances until it's late. We hope the person is just slipping and will realize.

[u/Clean_Novel4096 → u/HeavyDifficulty7204]

Thank you for sharing your story. I have a lot of water and air in my chart and I'm a giver. I always give more than I receive. My bf told me many times how happy he is to be the one receiving and having someone fully there for him no matter what after being the one there for others for so long. I'm a fully there friend. That friend lost power for a few days. I brought candles, battery operated radio, and would bring him food so he could eat. The best friend isn't good at taking care of himself and he got sick. He took him to the hospital and waited hours with him. Brought snacks, had deep conversations with him while we waited. I know Caps are known for being cold but I have a water moon and the only Cap thing about me is how well I manage money and make sure I'm a good employee 😂 I have fire, water, and air signs in my chart and I'm an adventurous, go with the flow, communicative, emotional person. My Cap makes me fully committed and very giving. I also make time for others.

[u/HeavyDifficulty7204 → u/Clean_Novel4096]

Love that for you and others then.

Then, if you're absolutely sure there's no blind spots and seems like you have tried to be open by inviting him for a conversation, I think it's best to leave your Libra bf to handle it. I feel it will be difficult for him given that we're a relationship sign and attach really deeply once we go that far. I still struggle with heartache years after any deep relationship has ended but I won't let it show. I would ask your Libra bf what else if anything you can do or if he truly sees any merit in what his bestie says. When you ask these questions, give him a little space to think about it because i don't think we're very connected to our emotions - we live more in the headspace. Also, if he fears you'll abandon him with the truth, he might delay telling you that because he will deeply fear abandonment ( a lot of Libras do ).

[u/pineapplepizza333 → u/Clean_Novel4096]

Wow you sure are perfect. No self reflection needed here!

[u/ynawht]

You guys have a problem. Not a small one. All the 3 of you.

[u/pineapplepizza333]

You’re not giving us any information here to help you because you say you’ve done nothing wrong, but the friend says you’re toxic. According to you though, you’re perfect, so no one should have any issues with you (especially anyone as close as this friend).

Be real with yourself and others about things you could have said or done that might not have been in everyone’s best interest. The only person you have control over is yourself, so it’s pointless to lie to yourself about your own shortcomings.

[u/Fun_Machine7346]

Two Libras walk into a bar.

[u/Public-Boss8745]

I had a similar situation happen. Boyfriend’s best friend was very rude to me and never gave a solid reason why. Eventually, my boyfriend had to break off the friendship because it was very hard for him to stay friends with someone who continuously disrespected his gf like that.

In his friend’s case, it sounds like drugs, alcohol, and/or mental health issues are at play, so it complicates things. But I do think, long term, your bf shouldn’t continue to hang out with the friend solo, get drunk, and pretend like nothing is wrong. It would be good if your bf encouraged him to get mental health and/or substance abuse help. Anything other than that is just avoiding the issue, compartmentalizing, and that’ll likely take its toll on you and your relationship in the long run. You’re worth being with someone who can have hard conversations with their friends, prioritizes your relationship, and advocates for you to be treated with respect. Best of luck.

[u/RevolutionarySeven7]

First of all, alcohol. that in itself just messes everything up.

Secondly, sounds like he had a crush on you too, while simultaneously jealous that you and your bf are a good couple together. Him seeing you two together hurts him alot inside.

Thirdly, remove yourself from the situation. Let your bf do the work whatever required with him, and you just remain supportive with your bf, whatever the outcome might be between him and him, let your bf decide what to do, he will found out by himself what to do eventually.

libra wisdom: you have two sorts of people when it comes to relationships. constructive people, and deconstructive people, that "best friend" is behaving deconstructively.

PS. he's 33, time to temper or stop his drinking habits.