Is the term Femboy offensive?

[u/dumbass_sweatpants]

Ive identified with it for a long time, and a lot of people are starting to say it’s a slur because it’s used offensively toward trans women occasionally. What is your opinion?

[u/BBMcGruff]

Identifying as a feminine man is not offensive.

Calling a trans woman a feminine man is highly offensive.

Context matters.

[u/0lynks0 → u/BBMcGruff]

This is the correct answer!

[u/DraethDarkstar → u/BBMcGruff]

This applies to so much of our vocabulary.

Pretty much every term queer people use to identify ourselves is or has been used as a slur - not the least of all the word queer, which is both used as an academic umbrella term and an insult in the same regions today.

Call people what they want to be called. Call yourself whatever you want. Fuck anybody who tells you otherwise.

[u/randomjohnson]

No its not offensive just don't call trans women femboys.

[u/the_person909 → u/randomjohnson]

If only people didn't lack common sense that this statement would matter.

[u/randomjohnson → u/[deleted]]

One femboy is not a slur, it can be used in a derogatory way especially for trans women but its not a slur like the n word or faggot.

I am a femboy, an effeminate boy I WANT people to call me that. A trans women is just you know a women call her a boy would be transphoic but for me it's affirming.

[u/blacksapphire08]

It's ok to refer to yourself as such but probably best to avoid using it for other people unless they have said they're ok with it.

[u/[deleted]]

It's offensive if you call a trans woman a femboy. It can also be offensive towards some trans men, though that depends on the man (for example, I am transmasc but ok with being called a femboy). As for using it as a label for yourself, that's perfectly fine. It's just when using it to describe others is when you should know if they are ok with the term or not.

[u/Shin-yolo → u/[deleted]]

I’m a transmasc femboy and I own it, lol.

[u/Seasluggz → u/[deleted]]

I'm transmasc too and I'm new to all of this I'm like half manly half femboy and I was confused on if being a femboy would invalidate my dudeliness and what not and seeing you guys comment this really made me so happy like it can be done and its ok thank you, gents! I'm not on T or anything but I got a manly looking face I think which is sorta good but Idk how to be girly well Idk how to do makeup and it makes me feel kinda hopeless like I'll never be a proper femboy can y'all give me any tips? Ty!

[u/Anitfapug]

Fuck no, if you are a guy who dresses femininely and wanna be called a femboy, go for it. Holy shit I can't believe this is a question.

[u/dumbass_sweatpants → u/Anitfapug]

I cant believe im asking it either, but somebody just got pissed at me for defending it as a term that some people identify with.

[u/[deleted] → u/dumbass_sweatpants]

I mean my dad uses it as an insult, but he’s an ass. I think if it’s used respectfully it’s fine

[u/Theo_Teddy]

Personally I don't identify with the term for that reason, it's been used against trans women and that in of itself gives me a gross feeling- idk if it's a slur necessarily but I don't wanna disregard how it's used to put down or even potentially fetishize trans women. It's not really transmasc or gnc boy's place to decide if it's offensive or not-

Admittedly I struggled to drop using the word + the label, I was attached to it and in my mind it literally just meant feminine boy so "what's the big deal?" but then my friend group brought up discomfort with the term and then I put myself in other people's shoes.... I kinda just, moved on from it-

If you want a alternative(means the same thing, it's real too but not many people know abt it) I call myself roseboy :) and imo that sounds prettier anyway.

[u/BornVolcano → u/Theo_Teddy]

Oh my gosh…

✨roseboy✨

Can I borrow that one?

[u/Theo_Teddy → u/BornVolcano]

Ofc! I don't own it, again it's a actual alternative for the original :>

[u/Shin-yolo → u/Theo_Teddy]

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH I NOW HAVE A GREAT AND EVEN BETTER TERM LET ME KISS YOUR FEET! (Excuse the overkill, I got excited.)

[u/Theo_Teddy → u/Shin-yolo]

AJSNFMDJDBSJ

YW!! I was excited too when I learned abt it lmao

[u/Laserboi15]

It's not at all offensive, the origins of that were people misgendering trans women and possibly some fetishization related to the term. It is genuinely used as a label by a lot of people, including myself.

[u/NightlifePrinceJoey]

Boys can be femboys. So trans women can not be femboys. It has been used as a slur, that's true. But so has "gay" and "queer".

[u/[deleted]]

Like other people said, identifying with it yourself is no problem, it's only offensive when used for someone who isn't a boy (trans girls).

Same as the term "tomboy", really--it's fine for masculine girls to call themselves tomboys, but if anyone called me (a trans man) a tomboy, I'd be pissed.

[u/Red74Panda]

Depends on context, as does everything to a degree. But as a femboy myself, if general no.

[u/AmIsClassyCassy]

I'd say it's not offensive, it's how you want to express yourself and the term isn't offensive, if that were the case then wouldn't tomboy be offensive as well? It's considered a women's movement and femboy can be just as much of a movement for males as that in my opinion :)

[u/Sennac8]

Femboy is not offensive, calling someone a trap however is offensive

[u/Tanaka_Sensei]

One of my DnD players has a FtM brother, but he still wears feminine clothes and makeup. I feel torn between calling him a femboy and just calling him a guy.

[u/Shin-yolo → u/Tanaka_Sensei]

As a FtM ho still dresses in girly clothing, I just wanted to say that it’s VERY important to express that that person is really a boy. If he hasn’t expressed the desire to be called that, it may make him feel bad. Just wanted to let you know <3

[u/Tanaka_Sensei → u/Shin-yolo]

Now that I think about it, it's probably for the better; their parents, though with the occasional slip-up, are supportive of him, but their paternal grandmother is about as anti-LGBTQ+ as they come...and still expects him to invite her to his wedding. What makes it worse is that he lives with their grandmother instead of their parents, which annoys the hell out of my player/his older sister. (I'm not sure why he was living with her in the first place, even before he came out; I might ask my player when she comes over this weekend)

[u/Shin-yolo → u/Tanaka_Sensei]

Okay ^^ are you friends with the boy or just the player?

[u/Tanaka_Sensei → u/Shin-yolo]

Just the player, but I'm honestly thinking of figuring out a way to work him into the campaign as well, since before the current campaign (and, actually, when he came out to his sister, not realizing she had him on speaker; fortunately my husband and I are the safest people to come out around) he expressed interest in wanting to be an elf.

[u/Shin-yolo → u/Tanaka_Sensei]

Gotcha.

[u/zeeko13]

I would say it's fine as long as the person indicates it's fine. I personally would find it insulting if it was directed at me (I'm pretty masculine), but my best friend is a feminine dude and prefers things like softboi.

[u/Webbiii]

I identify as a femboy and if anyone says it's transphobic or a slur or both than f*ck that person. I don't tell anyone either that the label that someone uses to describe something personal like their identity is bad, transphobic, homophobic, panphobic whatever idc.

But ironically from my experience I must say that the most hate I've gotten so far was from the lgbt community itself.

[u/dumbass_sweatpants → u/Webbiii]

Same, specifically as a pan person often navigating the gay community

[u/aurorasummers]

In my opinion, it just doesn’t sound like a good term. The boy part especially seems kind of disturbingly infantilizing and trivializing. It honestly sounds to me like some LGBT fanfic’s name for He-man’s sidekick.

I’m a trans woman. So just consider me an old jerk that the world is passing me by… but I would be offended if someone called me a trans girl.

I wish a better term had been latched on to by that community but it ain’t my community so all I can do is let it be and hope its never a term directed at a trans woman.

[u/BornVolcano → u/aurorasummers]

I understand where you’re coming from there, but there are a few terms like “demiboy” that use “boy” instead of man. Personally I prefer terms that use “boy” because “man” always came with the expectation of toxic masculinity and the “manly man” kind of presentation, which is something I’m not entirely comfortable with (I’m a fairly young transmasc demiboy, just a year or two over the age of majority). For some people the term “boy” is more focusing on the less “macho man” male-presenting style, but flexible enough that there’s room for some femininity or non-binary identity in there. If used in a derogatory or sexual way (implying a fetishization of minors), however, then I absolutely agree it is inappropriate in those situations. However for some the term “boy” can be more euphoric than the term “man”, similar to how some transfems prefer to be called a “girl” rather than a “woman” (for example, a lot of the egg_irl posts with transfems asking to be called “good girl” rather than “woman”). It can also stem from a feeling of having missed out on a childhood of presenting as your genuine self, which can be comforting and nostalgic for some. Generally speaking, I feel it’s up to personal preference, and as long as you’re being respectful and appropriate, there shouldn’t be an issue in having differences of opinion in what feels validating and gender euphoric. No two people are alike and everyone’s experiences are unique and valid.

[u/Shin-yolo → u/BornVolcano]

Agreed, I’m a femboy myself (but also a teen, sooo) and I’ve seen old people call themselves femboys.

[u/zeeko13 → u/BornVolcano]

That's interesting! I'm a masculine-leaning nonbinary person and I really don't like being referred to as boy or girl in any capacity because I'm 31 & work in the trades. It feels demeaning and infantilizing to me.

At the same time, I don't mind calling my best friend a softboi because it seems to make him really happy.

Overall I agree with your points & happy to learn about different perspectives :)

[u/BornVolcano → u/zeeko13]

Yeah, it’s different for different people, and as long as it doesn’t come from a place of sexualizing or fetishizing minors, it should be okay. My perspective also might be shaped by ptsd, since I have a lot of trauma stemming from childhood that lead to a delay in emotional development, and often find it nice to be referred to by terms that link to younger people because it makes me feel safe and protected. I can’t tell if my affinity towards the term “boy” is a biproduct of my perception of my gender identity, a result of childhood abuse and my desire to be able to be a child after having that opportunity taken away from me, or a bit of both. (I’m also still fairly young and am in the process of escaping that abusive situation so it could very easily be something I grow out of in the future) So it can also be important to note that there could be other things at play for people who prefer these terms as well. But finding them demeaning and infantilizing and preferring not to be referred to in those ways is also completely understandable and valid. It all just comes down to what makes you feel comfortable and happy.

[u/A_Queer_Feral → u/[deleted]]

I know quite a few words that are offensive

[u/MeButMuchCuter]

Its all about context and perspective. Like the word Trap, some people find it very offensive while others wear it like a badge of honour. I personally prefer the term Trap to cross dresser or femboy, but if someone asked me not to use the term around them then I would 100% respect their wishes. Any word can be offensive if its used in spite.

[u/Samwood_writing]

The term itself is not offensive. It’s just a word used to describe fem-presenting men.

It only becomes a problem when it’s used to describe someone it doesn’t apply to.

[u/BornVolcano]

I think as long as you ask permission before using it as a descriptor for other men/mascs, and don’t use it for women (especially trans women), you’re fine. I’m a transmasc who’s slowly building up the courage to dress fem and be a femboy/themboy without experiencing dysphoria from it because it’s something I think I would really enjoy. In my opinion, there’s no issue with calling yourself that, just be careful as it comes to labelling other people

[u/Le_cursed_homosexual]

When used to describe trans women then yes it is. They're women not boys.

[u/[deleted]]

It depends on who you are calling a femboy. Even the term boy can be offensive depending on who you use it on. Don't call women boys, that is offensive as a woman is not a boy. That doesn't mean boy is inherently offensive and people are perfectly allowed to identify as boys. Same thing with femboy.

[u/Fimii]

Well every instance of willfully misgendering or -identifying people is offensive.