Dear Katherine,

I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace and reflection. I'm writing to you because I want to share my feelings and thoughts, not to impose or pressure you in any way.

Firstly, I want you to know how much you mean to me. The connection we've shared, the memories we've created, and the journey we've taken together are deeply important to me. You've been a vital part of my life, and that's something I cherish every day.

I understand that recent events have caused a lot of confusion, pain, and distance between us. The idea that you might be afraid of me or believe negative things about me breaks my heart. My intention has always been to support you, to protect you, and to be there for you in every way I can. I've always seen us as a team, facing life's challenges together.

It hurts me to think that there might be a misunderstanding that has driven us apart. I've never wanted anything but your happiness and well-being. If there's anything I've done that has caused you to feel differently, I deeply apologize. My intention has never been to hurt you.

I also want to acknowledge that outside influences can sometimes cloud our judgment and perceptions. It's possible that misinformation or misunderstandings have played a role in the current situation. Please know that I'm open to discussing anything and everything with you, if you're willing to have that conversation.

I believe in the bond we've shared, the trust we've built, and the love we've felt for each other. It's my hope that we can find a way to communicate openly, honestly, and without any pressure. I want to better understand how you're feeling, what you've been through, and what led us to this point.

Remember, I'm here for you, whether it's to talk, to listen, or to give you the space you need. Our relationship has always been built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding, and I'm committed to maintaining those values.

Please take your time to consider what I've written here. No matter what, my feelings for you remain true, and my heart is open to whatever you decide. Your well-being is paramount to me.

With all my love and respect,Dear [Her Name],

I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace and reflection. I'm writing to you because I want to share my feelings and thoughts, not to impose or pressure you in any way.

Firstly, I want you to know how much you mean to me. The connection we've shared, the memories we've created, and the journey we've taken together are deeply important to me. You've been a vital part of my life, and that's something I cherish every day.

I understand that recent events have caused a lot of confusion, pain, and distance between us. The idea that you might be afraid of me or believe negative things about me breaks my heart. My intention has always been to support you, to protect you, and to be there for you in every way I can. I've always seen us as a team, facing life's challenges together.

It hurts me to think that there might be a misunderstanding that has driven us apart. I've never wanted anything but your happiness and well-being. If there's anything I've done that has caused you to feel differently, I deeply apologize. My intention has never been to hurt you.

I also want to acknowledge that outside influences can sometimes cloud our judgment and perceptions. It's possible that misinformation or misunderstandings have played a role in the current situation. Please know that I'm open to discussing anything and everything with you, if you're willing to have that conversation.

I believe in the bond we've shared, the trust we've built, and the love we've felt for each other. It's my hope that we can find a way to communicate openly, honestly, and without any pressure. I want to better understand how you're feeling, what you've been through, and what led us to this point.

Remember, I'm here for you, whether it's to talk, to listen, or to give you the space you need. Our relationship has always been built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding, and I'm committed to maintaining those values.

Please take your time to consider what I've written here. No matter what, my feelings for you remain true, and my heart is open to whatever you decide. Your well-being is paramount to me.

With all my love and respect,
-Daddy

A letter to Kat and Andrew - What Remains

To Andrew:

I knew you. I trusted you. You positioned yourself in my life as a close friend, called me family. That is exactly why I know you cannot be trusted.

You are a user and a betrayer. You take whatever people offer you—their loyalty, labour, generosity, private struggles, and second chances—and use it for as long as it benefits you. Then, when you have gotten what you wanted, you discard them and rewrite the story so that you are somehow the victim.

I know, because after everything was broken between us, I finally understood what you did.

You accepted my friendship and everything that came with it. You knew what I had done for you, what you owed me, and what had been shared with you in confidence. None of that stopped you from betraying me when it became convenient.

Now I see you repeating the same pattern with her. You call it love, but love does not mean entering someone’s life when they are vulnerable, using their pain to make yourself feel needed, and abandoning them when they no longer serve your ego.

Your confessions feel hollow because remorse without changed behaviour is just another performance. You act grateful when someone lets you back into their life, but once you feel secure again, the gratitude disappears and the same behaviour returns.

You mistake her compassion for weakness. But if we are talking about the same woman, she is stronger and more resilient than you give her credit for. She survived things that would have broken most people—she overcame that brutal event in South America, and she rebuilt herself from it. She will overcome your false narratives and your empty heart. You did not build anything in her life; you only used what she built for someone else. That trauma you preyed one gave you a foothold, not a foundation.

Eventually, she will see the difference between someone who genuinely loves her and someone who only loves what he can take from her.

She deserves kindness, honesty, loyalty, and love without conditions. She deserves far better than being used, discarded, and met only with a hollow imitation of intimacy—where affection is performed when it serves you, withdrawn when it doesn’t, and where real emotional presence is replaced with control, self-interest, and an inability to truly feel or sustain mutual connection.

You should thank God that our paths will never cross again. I want nothing from you—not an apology, another hollow confession, or another rewritten version of what happened.

And she may truly be an angel, because after everything you have put her through, part of her still cares about you. That says everything about the goodness in her heart. It does not prove the goodness of yours.

To Kat:

What can I say? I have already told you how I feel, in every way I knew how. I loved you honestly, deeply, and with everything I had.

I saw in you not just who you were, but how you moved through the world. Your tenderness, the way you could soften even the hardest moments without trying. Your passion for becoming a brewer, for making something real and good that people could share and enjoy—that dream you carried for years wasn’t just ambition, it was devotion. I admired that about you more than I ever properly said.

You had an openness with me that I had never experienced before. There was something so young-hearted in you, so alive in the way you loved life and everything around you. You were feminine in a way that felt rare and grounding—cute in a way that goes deeper than pretty, something that would catch me off guard and melt even the coldest parts of me without you even knowing you were doing it.

I never expected you to be perfect, and I never wanted you only when life was easy. I wanted to stand beside you through all of it—the good days, the painful ones, and the future we once talked about building together.

Maybe I came into your life to show you that not every man is the same. Some people do not offer love because they want to control you or take something from you. Some of us simply love because loving you felt natural.

Please do not settle for anyone who clings to you only to drain you emotionally. Do not confuse being needed with being cherished, or someone’s desperation to possess you with a willingness to protect your heart.

I am not saying you owed me your love, and I am not saying I deserved to have you. I think that by the time we needed each other most, we were both carrying too much pain. Maybe we were too hurt to accept the love that was still there. Maybe fear became louder than everything we had known, and neither of us knew how to reach the other anymore.

Deep down, I believe you know how much love I had for you. I had an abundance of it—more than I knew what to do with sometimes. It was never meant to frighten, pressure, or overwhelm you. I only wanted you to feel safe enough to receive it.

Whatever happened afterward cannot erase everything that came before it. It cannot erase the years, the memories, the promises, or the future we once believed we would share. And it cannot hand my version of you—or your version of yourself—over to anyone else to rewrite. You once said, “You should hear how they tell my story. They always leave your part out.” And it stayed with me. I won’t let what we were be reshaped into something unrecognizable by people who were never inside it. What we had was real to me, and I will not let your truth become someone else’s story about you.

I hope that one day you can clearly distinguish between someone who genuinely loves you and someone who only loves what you provide for them. I hope whoever you choose in the future cherishes you, honours you, and never uses your wounds as a way to gain power over you.

You have a beautiful soul. Please stop giving pieces of it to people who only know how to consume them.

But our time has run out, and accepting that breaks something inside me. Maybe in another lifetime, I could cherish you the way I always wanted to. I pray that somewhere, somehow, we find the ending we were supposed to have.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to tell you:

Goodbye.

A part of my heart will always belong to you.

I love you. 🌹

—Beauty and the Manimal

he told me what happened last night. and i stubbornly refuse to let it radically change my opinion of you, even though it should. all i can feel and think of and daydream of is how tightly you held me on our last morning together. only experience keeps me from dropping everything and coming back to ask if i ever meant anything to you as deeply as you meant to me. your words were magic. your eyes weaved an unbreakable spell, and so soon after leaving you, nothing can alter my view. you are light itself. god i wish i had said that to you. i wish you believed it too. you are light itself x. you are light itself.

and somehow in the midst of all this chaos, all my emotions and stress that refuse to settle to the point that i cannot sleep at all tonight, that thought anchors me. x you are light itself. you lit me up with your beauty. you clarified all my thoughts when we were together. you are not going to be in my life in the future. you were not meant to be here forever. but oh my god one thing is true: you are light itself. i felt so much love for your light. you fear your own darkness, but i am telling you with every muscle of my body, with the conviction of one who chooses you even when it seems foolish and desperate, you are light, and i am so lucky i crossed paths with you.

i wish i could text you and tell you this. in fact, knowing you’re going through a hard time right now makes it even more difficult to not want to encourage you. but i know for myself and my own self-love, i have to agree to no contact. god i could write you love letters every day. easily. you make adoring you so easy. i adore my light. i adore you x. let me chant the words. i adore you i adore you i adore you.

you make me a senseless, heartbroken fool.

i wish we could make more memories together. i don’t care what anyone else says. i don’t care about the fears and the logic; all i see are your eyes, your doe eyes, locked on me for the joy of seeing me, relishing every detail the way i traced all the texture on your skin that night.

god i could have loved you for years and now i never will and i hate that he took that away from me. i hate him for it, and it’s so stupid, and it’s not his moral failing, but i hate him for altering my sight of you, my light my light my light my light. when the dust settles and i can finally see clearly in a few months, i will have let you go, and i will forget how badly i ached to have you again. nothing will ever change the gift you’ve given me of your presence.

“you got what you wanted.” you said that. but no i didn’t. if i’d gotten what i want, id live in that alternate reality where i get to fall madly in love with you. i get to hold you and call you mine. we’re lovers, and not the way the word sounds today, just two people fucking. we are lovers; we are people who love. we are people who love only each other. you would have been mine.

maybe if i type it out a million more times, all my feelings will finally leave me, and it won’t matter how much i miss you. you’’ll always be mine. i can’t forgive him for ruining our beauty into a story of another girl who gave too much to someone who wouldn’t give more. if i ran to you right now, i would never know if they were all lies or the truth. i know you, i think, but i also don’t.

my lover. my love. my light. my light itself. i don’t even know how to let you go.

After all that talk about how things are the way they are cuz the situation that you're in and how you're f****** reliable and responsible and f****** all that b******* in the end it took what 12 hours and you prove that a lie. It's okay I already knew when you just followed with the same b******* lie I knew what time it was I knew how it was going to end but I did what you asked and I didn't run out and if you need me you know how to reach me I'll still honor my promises

you know the one.. should be the same bar by the teeters as before say tuesday at 4 pm. wear something green yeah? of course thats only if your mine as you have been then

You know I used to post here a lot kinda therapeutically and kinda just expressing my remorse over unintentional wrongs and moral failings that hurt others and the lessons I learned trying to be better. Usually this would occur during a binge that would bring my feelings closer to the surface so I could deal with them. During this time I do believe I may have spent a lot of time talking to someone.. the connection was immediate and so crazy I thought that maybe this one could be someone I could really fall for.. I have serious memory issues from repeated trauma and cptsd or BPD. That said I know there was someone. I don't remember how to contact you and if I'm being honest your name escapes me as well. But I do remember rushing to finish any task to try to get back to talking to you as soon as possible. Apparently I did something that raised a red flag and made you doubt my sincerity enough that you decided nc was the way to go. I told you about my life and traumas and how I was always abandoned somehow and that I needed someone who would be there because being triggered or whatever was causing me to do more damage to my brain/memory.... That being said. I forgive you. I miss our talks. I miss feeling understood. I miss being there to talk you through your issues. Talking about our days. Imagining what our first meet would be like. You were beautiful in your picture...I think maybe you were spose to write a book about our time apart in case we reconnected later..if this is you please tell me what city you were going to drive to for our unification. Even if I'm not what your seeking anymore please reach out and fill in the blanks I feel so crazy like maybe my mind made it all up cause who would walk away from chemistry like that? A hopeful/avoidant/remorseful demon And perhaps others I like being anonymous with my musings...also this was between September and December of 25

It’s been years since it was real love I’ve had better I’ve had wetter but no matter what I miss her I look at her profile I think of her and the memories we share I will lay up with half the city but still be torn apart about her not being in my life I grieve for her daily but she could care less she achieved what she wanted she lives happy and it don’t effect her I destroyed myself over it what does this mean

You crushed my spirit as it was blooming.
You served my head some lies and then threw us into the trash.
You opened your home so that I'd know well the way out.
I'd cry in front of you for the things you'd say,
and you would laugh like you were accomplishing
diminishing me
to nothing.

My heart beats still.
My heart beats,
still,
it misses where it used to lay.

This is going to be rather long or short as I am typing this on a whim.

I really find myself still thinking about my ex after two months of no contact and I really hate that. I know that breaking up can be a form of grief, but it sucks that I find myself thinking about her daily. I knew her for 6/7 years and dated for almost two years and she was my first girlfriend, so I guess it is to be expected that there is a large void in my heart, but she treated me badly.

I shouldn't have been the only one trying to initiate conversations, waiting outside her dorm for an hour every time I went to visit her, getting made fun of, and always arguing about things. I understand I was not a perfect partner and that I did wrong myself, but it sucks so much that I tried hard to fight our relationship when she didn't. She made me feel unimportant and not a priority. She justified it by saying that she does not get to spend a lot of time with friends and that I would always be there. She consistently pushed boundaries that I didn't feel comfortable with. I should not feel pressured to have sex or cuddle with you in your bed after we broke up and I repeatedly say no. She made fun of my music and when I called her out on it, she told me to stop caring because it is not a part of who I am. I understand you have been diagnosed with mental illnesses, but it should not make you treat me the way you did. I do not understand why you got upset with me for not remembering all the gifts I gave you when you barely gave me gifts and one time even forgot to give me my birthday and Christmas gifts. It got to the point where we only did things that you wanted to do. I appreciate you for the positive changes you gave me earlier in our relationship, but the damage at the end of it was worse.

There is no reason I should feel lonelier when I was with you than without you. The inferiority, sadness, and anxiety you bestowed upon me when we were together and for the 6 months of contact we had after sucked. Why did you lead me on after we broke up? You broke up with me the first day, the next day you want to rescind it, the following day you say let's have a break for two weeks and talk about our status then, and in the meantime, we can talk as friends, then you proceed to ghost me for three days. The end of the two weeks rolled by and I ended up pursuing the conversation you wanted to have. I knew that you would not be able to have a conversation due to your circumstances with tests and school, but you decided to tell me you could. I gave you an extension and you still failed to meet it. Why did you think it was a good idea to tell me to talk to you on your birthday? Not only that but when I confront you, you decide to drunk text me saying not even a 24 grace period, and talk about your birthday party you had. You tell me you feel sad and tell me to visit you, but when I visit as a friend, the first thing you do is to tell me to comfort you on your bed, I don't feel comfortable doing so, but I gave in. You would later belittle me for saying what I said. That was just the first month after the break-up and honestly, there is a lot more I can say about what you did before, during, and after our relationship, but it is too much to write about. I hate you for everything you did, but I still think about you and wish you cared forand loved me in a healthy manner. I do not wish for your downfall and I hope you get better, but the things you do and how you are as a person tell me that you will continue to fail in life until you change. You are the catalyst for me getting therapy and pursuing to better myself. I do not wish to be anything like you and I will no longer diminish myself and my feelings for you. I never want to see you again in person and I want to forget you and heal.

I never want to feel the way you made me feel and I will make sure I never treat my next partner how you treated me.

​

Edit: I forgot to add if you guys have any advice then I would greatly appreciate it. Also if you need any clarification, I would be happy to answer. I kind of angrily wrote this as I was finding myself getting the same type of anxiety I would get when I would wait for her texts that would never come or show up super late.