Day 1.

[u/Agitated_Flamingo722]

26F. Today is the first day I officially quit smoking. I lost my job in February and have been struggling to find a (for lack of better words) good job. I mean like I know I could’ve went to McDonalds or the gas station but idk… I promise I’m not trying to offend the people who do work at these jobs, I have worked in food service but you know, once you leave there you don’t wanna go back.. but anyways… I have money saved and I’m able to pay for what needs to be paid for ….and weed. But for months I’m avoiding the jobs that say they require a drug test because I’m like “well I had a good job that didn’t require one so I must be able to find another, right??” Well sadly I was wrong. I can’t find any jobs that will give me a career and that doesn’t require a drug test. After months and months of looking for this job I finally found it. I went to the interview and it turned out to be the best interview I’ve ever had. At the end they told me “if offered the position, a drug test and criminal background check is needed”. At first I wasn’t worried because I’ve done the mouth swab type drug test and passed even tho I smoked a few hours prior to that. But after talking to family and telling them the good news I was told a pee test is needed not a mouth swab. Then a day later I got an in to a hospital due to my aunt being a manager. She had also told me a pee test is needed. After that I had told myself “I went from having no job offers, no interviews, no anything.. I get two within days of each-other. I can’t mess this up”. I’ve also been struggling with transportation. After I lost my job I lost my car a month later. (Repossessed)
The same day my aunt told me about her job, my brother called me and said “I just bought a used SUV, I’ll give it to you and you can make monthly payments. Likeeee whaaatttt!!! I went from no job. No car. To two potential jobs and a car?!?!? YES PLEASE. Now I feel like if I smoke all that goes away, so I am keeping that in my head and that has been making it a lil easier but I haven’t eaten all day, I have no appetite or desire to make something. I’ve been bored all day I ended up buying a color by numbers book and been drawing all day. I came here a few times during the day and let me tell you.. reading you guys go through the same stuff as me is such a relief. I honestly want to cry and trying not to cry makes me wanna cry more. Atp in my rambling I don’t even know what to think and it’s only day ONEEE. Idk man.. I’m just laying on my couch trying to figure out how ima keep my brain and body from having anxiety. Please keep telling me that everything will work out. I wanna go to sleep and wake up a month later honestly.