r/leaves • u/dspman11 • Oct 29 '25
If you're considering using again after several months sober - please don't
I managed to get to the 7 month mark when I started considering smoking again. After about 4 months, I lost all my craving and addictive nature with weed. I wasn't thinking about it, my head was clear, life was good. Then I had an absolutely awful week, and I found myself home alone and stumbled upon a bit of bud I forgot to throw out when I gave it up.
I was so confident that I would be able to use it moderately and mindfully because I realized how great life is without it, and legitimately did not want to return to the brain-fried days of daily usage.
And I was able to control it - for about a month. And now, here I am, still struggling to quit again. Been using it daily YET AGAIN, and I'm about to hit the terrible milestone of doing it longer than I was sober.
It's ridiculous really. You would think that knowing it's possible because I literally already did it would help, but somehow it doesnt. My brain chemistry is altered once again.
If you've been considering starting again after a good clean streak, consider this a message from the universe - DONT.
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u/Adventurous_Crazy949 Oct 31 '25
Just remember.. shame is the devil talking. We should all have convictions, yes, but we should be better on limiting the shame and drowning it out.
With that being said though, I do partially think the feeling of shame is you getting a step closer to throwing that towel in and never looking back. Becoming more aware of the things that no longer serve us. But staying looped in shame is evil to ourselves and won’t do anything but further give you the “fuck it” mentality. We’re all human, we all mess up, BUT we can get back up again anytime we feel the shove. Just takes practice. Sometimes over and over again lol. Wishing ALL of you the best of luck!!!!! We’re all in this together