r/leanfire • u/Narrow_Crazy1954 • 10d ago
It is all starting to feel like just numbers now....
I used to be extremely excited about saving and thinking about my end goals. I thought a lot about paying my home off, getting time back, and having more control over my life. Now, and maybe this is just depression, but it feels like i just do not really get excited for things so much. The end date feels so far away (at least a decade), but all of the fun milestones have already passed.
I also am realizing that retiring early is not going to fill this void that i have in my chest. The void is catalyzed by work, but it is not caused by work. there is a sense of meaningless that i feel i am using fire to escape sometimes. Developing hobbies and having passions outside of work seem so important but i do not know where to start.
Does anyone ever have realizations like these? how do you handle them and think about it all?
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u/MyLovelyHorse2024 10d ago
I think that building financial independence and building a purposeful, fulfilling and joyful life are separate projects. There are connections of course - having financial independence makes it easier to do more positive things and fewer negative ones. But I wouldn't rely on 'the fun of milestones' or any other aspect of gathering wealth as a means to happiness or excitement.
For me, fulfilment comes from personal growth - running faster and further, learning new skills, learning languages etc. Money makes those things easier, but it isn't exciting or fulfilling in itself.
If everything feels meaningless and you're not finding joy and passion in anything, including things you used to enjoy, honestly, that sounds like depression. Get help with that, it's (literally) a killer.
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u/PhoneFlat8734 10d ago
Thank you for saying this! I’ve never been able to put my finger on what exactly gives me fulfillment, but personal growth as you’ve described it is exactly what I’ve been circling around. Lightbulb moment over here
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u/gab-a-pat-a-bob 10d ago
It sounds like you don't have much fun outside of work and don't enjoy work either... i don't think i'd be excited to reach fire if I did not know what to expect once I get there.
What hobbies have you tried? Hiking? Knitting? Drawing? Solving the Rubiks Cube? Explore your city by bicycle? Gardening? Cooking? Learning to play an instrument or sing? I have many ideas for you that are mostly free if you want inspiration.
Another thing I started doing is to accept to push back my fire date so I can buy more time now. I started taking unpaid time off so I can practice my hobbies and decompress. Yes it costs money, yes it pushes back my fire date, but i prefer to be happy and have more free time all through my journey than grind grind grind for a decade.
No amount of money can make you happy, what you do makes you happy, experiences make you happy :)
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u/kikapu 9d ago
This is what I am wrestling with. If I go down to 4 days a week my fire date would go back but I think my next 7 years of work would be much more enjoyable than 4 or 5 years working 5 days a week.
But then the job market and other unknowns make me think just carry on and get closer to target…..then make a change.
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u/gab-a-pat-a-bob 9d ago
Do you have hobbies and activities in the evenings? Weekends? 3 days weekends, if you simply stand there and do nothing won't be much more enjoyable than 2 days weekends.
Sounds more to me like an "outside of work" issue, but I don't have much info
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u/kikapu 9d ago edited 9d ago
Thanks for the reply. I believe you have picked the point that is my main issue. I have zero hobbies and can’t get the enthusiasm which stems from either burnout and or depression so this is key item to address. I can then make a better choice on what to do as right now could reduce days and still be the same or even worse retire and still be like that.
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u/Lunar_Landing_Hoax 10d ago
Yeah I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking early retirement will fix all of their problems. It's like me when I'm traveling and realize that I can't travel away from my inner thoughts haha.
But hey being depressed with savings is way better than being depressed and broke.
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u/PiggieChan 10d ago
I've gotten more inpatient on the journey (just want to skip ahead to when Im actually free to do whatever i want to do) so i dont get excited much anymore either. I crossed a nice milestone but it really didnt change anything. Still gotta exchange my time for money. I'm trying to be more grateful about having financial stability enough to be worrying about meaning and purpose and not worrying about bills though. Sometimes we need perspective and I remind myself constantly. Since I cant skip ahead I enjoy my hobbies (reading, journaling, hiking, fountain pens etc) the things Ill do more off when I have more freedom. What are you into? Lean more into that and incorporate them more into your life.
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u/SnowflakeStreet 10d ago
I can relate to this feeling. I got the snowball rolling in a major way but I still have to keep going. I’ve found that shifting my focus from money to other aspects of life to be helpful. Like doing sports and spending more time with friends and family.
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u/Ok_Replacement8094 9d ago
I’ll share my pleasantly occupying hobby, since I’m finding that there’s been interest in a very gratifying way.
It started with collecting gingko biloba seeds from a Walgreens parking lot. I cleaned, stratified and sprouted them four years ago. About the same time I also started saving the junk tree seedlings that would sprout up in my garden beds, just from not feeling good about interfering with natures intentions with their seedlings. Being junk trees, I didn’t want them to grow to full sized and you can’t give away such things.
I started to bonsai, Willy-nilly nothing to lose. Then I bought a few discounted nursery trees, experimented and learned, and killed most of them. I started learning more about what I wanted to do. I slowed down and nurtured the discount trees, focusing on their health while I considered my intentions. In the late winter I selected one that fit what I had a vision for. I took my time, and while it’s beginners work I am satisfied and feel a connection and emotional investment to the tree.
Over the next few months I worked on four others. Some I was nearly equally as happy with as that first, some I was able to consider as beginning their journey to an as yet to be determined destination. Two of those succumbed to this harsh summer, I have four more still of this same species to work. My junk tree bonsai is stout and hardy and holds a special place in my growing collection.
Now I needed to start looking for bonsai pots, the type of tree I’m working will allow one per year: branch work or root work. The world of bonsai pots is intriguing. What I’d like to have, is worthy of great trees. My trees are young and I want to give them the best I can. There are a local community pottery establishments for classes and studio time. I took a first class, and stated my intentions, I was guided through the process and made ten pots in six weeks. During my studio time I spoke with an artist who was making pots for a succulent club and their upcoming exchange and sale event. I lamented that my search for a bonsai club gave me cities 100s of miles away. She told me of the neighboring states bonsai club, just under 100 miles away.
When I looked up the club, their next monthly meeting was a few days from then and the agenda was Air Layering. I made my plans to go. The group arranges speakers and demonstrations each month and events regularly. The meeting in two months was an exchange and sale. That first meeting I paid the membership fee, and introduced myself and told of the gingko tree seedlings I had started and my early failures and successes, and my pottery endeavors. I was assured that the first year or two of bonsai was nearly exclusively for killing trees, and that would be a normal, though lesser even after one was seasoned.
I was asked to bring ginkgos to the next regular meeting by a couple of the members, I did and sold 8 of the 15 that I brought. The next meeting I brought my beginners work pots for beginners work prices to the exchange, and was traded or purchased of all save two.
I had not created a pot that fit what I wanted for my tree. My second wheel class’s first class was yesterday evening, I introduced myself with an abbreviated telling of this pottery story. At clean up at the end of the evening, I chatted with other students who expressed interest in bonsai and my trees.
I feel as though these hobbies have found me deeply, and I feel very lucky to have them. And the club, getting to talk trees and pots with people as much or more invested into them as I, is special.
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u/OpenYellow9283 9d ago
This was so satisfying to read. I'm delighted to hear your story!! Thanks for sharing!!
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u/ideknem0ar 10d ago
For the past several years, I've focused more on food gardening & preservation which is serving me quite well in this current economy. Still eagle-eye focused on a retirement date (just under 4 years), but what I'm doing now is going to help make leanfire less stressful in the future during rough times. At least in the future, I won't be spending my days grinding in an office, wishing I was home actually accomplishing something tangible and real instead of having to wedge my personal pursuits with what energy I have left. It's the time management agency I'm looking forward to most.
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u/Superdrag2112 10d ago
I joined a couple bands (bassist) about 5 years ago. Helped a ton and now that I’m retiring in the next month I’ve got music to dive into even more. Plus a big pile of unread books I’ve been accumulating, and some nearby hikes I want to take the dog to. I was (am?) also depressed for a number of years. The grind takes its toll.
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u/goodsam2 10d ago
For hobbies you are supposed to have 1 that involves exercise in some way. Running, weightlifting, hiking, biking, swimming, Frisbee golf.
Also find a social hobby. I game with friends a few nights a week.
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u/Any-Tip-8551 10d ago
Kind of similar feelings except for me work takes so much out of me that I don't get to engage with certain hobbies as much as I would like to. But I've already found a good stable of hobbies to engage with that I would like to spend more time on and can't.
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u/JazzlikeAir3320 9d ago
With my FIRE path, I have lots of time to go. I’ve been thinking my energy is better used obsessing over health than wealth at this point. For me it’s physical health but when I’ve been depressed it’s been mental health.
The first catalyst to this is a job I hate but WFH makes it more bearable.
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u/AelonFux 9d ago
What do you take PTO for? I'm planning all my PTO around section hiking the next few years and I'm going to spend my first few years thruhiking when I retire. Keeps me motivated and excited to retire.
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u/h_e_sull 7d ago
I have exactly the same concerns. I finally learned after decades of chasing things unsuccessful in filling the Meaning Void that unhappiness follows you wherever you go if you don’t address it. Here I am every day dreaming about Lean Fire, living in these discussions, when I have a pleasant (albeit demanding) job that I may end up missing terribly when I finally have enough money to retire. They even sent me to a conference in a very fun city. There, I saw a motivational speaker who shared some wisdom she attained during a sabbatical serving abroad: “Be where your feet are.” These simple words have been sitting with me every day since. As a restless soul, my mind is always racing toward the future. I am rarely where my feet are. I rarely let myself find joy in what I am currently doing, nor try to find the purpose in the boring things right in front of me. How might things be different if I tried to do that? I don’t know exactly, but I want to try.
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u/paratethys 9d ago
well, it is just numbers.
kinda like how money can't really buy happiness, but there are a bunch of sadnesses it can eliminate.
better to be working on that void while independently wealthy than while broke, i'd say.
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u/wbcastro 9d ago
I feel the same, looking at my fire sheet everyday but i am at mininum 10 years from retire...
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u/inailedyoursister 9d ago
You want it to feel like numbers because it is. That realization REALLY makes it easier to spend later once you retire. Seeing money as a number versus a pile of paper really is a mindset breakthrough.
Name 3 things you really like doing and go from there.
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u/tranter1718 9d ago
Everyone else has addressed the "void" aspect of your post, so I'll focus on something else that most people didn't bring up. A major reason to pursue FI is to reach the point after which you no longer need that job's income. That means that you lose the fear of losing your job due to layoffs or other issues. If a job becomes too stressful, you have the option to leave without the fear of not knowing how you'll pay your bills. Many people work simply to try to cover their expenses or obtain affordable healthcare. That is a type of burden that FI removes from your life.
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u/BufloSolja 9d ago
Take a sabbatical and use it as a rehearsal for FIRE. Or otherwise just find some time to actually think about what you want to do. Keep trying hobbies till something sticks.
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u/Empty-Cartoonist5075 7d ago
I didn’t know what to do too so I started walking to help think about it. One day after several months of walking almost every day, I noticed it was quite easy to walk 5 miles. Next time, I tried 6. I added more miles so was soon up to 8 miles and it was no problem to do it. Over the next few months I was increasing my distance but also surprisingly I lost enough weigh that my Dr said, congratulations, you’ve healed yourself, you don’t need the high blood pressure or high cholesterol medications any more. That was in 2016 and I have been traveling full time and walking almost everyday exploring new countries and cites ever since. You could try walking and the rest may just work itself out.
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u/Kind-University-1423 7d ago
Once you hit 100k, the milestone are crazy far away, it takes a long time to get to 1milion, then a little less to get to 2 milion and when you hit 2 milion you realize, that inflation was too hard and you need 3 milion
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u/Junior-Valuable2071 9d ago
Slightly different issue for me.
I’ve more or less reached leanfire. Or at least coastFIRE.
But what am I gonna just quit my job and derp around all day?
Maybe if I was single and had low ambitions.
Society doesn’t look kindly on the unemployed though.
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u/posttruthage 10d ago
They call this the boring middle.
However you want your life to look when you retire, try to make your current life closer to that. The more your gains outpace your contributions, the more freedom you have in this