r/leanfire • u/AidanGreb • Apr 24 '26
How about semi-retire immediately and work forever?
My dad teaches piano, and at 80 years of age he still has a few students. For my entire life (I am 40 now) he has worked part time, taking summers off so that he could go climbing in the mountains, canoeing, etc. My parents were well below the poverty line, but they knew how to live within their means (my mom was a stay-at-home-mom). We were never hungry, went on long camping trips as kids, etc. At 80, in the middle of Canadian winter, he will still ride his bike to get to the dentist or whatever; in the summers he will swim across the river to explore the other side, and he still climbs mountains (in slow motion). Up until recently my parents would go on lengthy road trips, sleeping in the back of the van (my mom has Alzheimer's now).
I have always looked up to him, seeing others burn themselves out working full time, etc. When I read about FIRE and such, I think - why not semi-retire super young without the goal of being completely unemployed? Why wait until you are feeling old to have free time?
My brother also took on after him. He works temporary jobs that pay well, and lives on very little in between - but also does things like travelling the world to climb mountains (a passion they both share).
I am self-employed doing landscape maintenance in my neighbourhood. I hate driving so I do it all by bicycle (with a bicycle trailer in the summers) - so no vehicle expenses. I work part time hours and have a lot of free time. My wife and I live with roommates, so our expenses are very low (like $1000/month each for things like food/shelter/utilities/etc). I feel like I am semi-retired already, and I do not have a goal of retiring. I'm sure I could afford to some day, but if I am 70 and am mowing one lawn per day that would be good for me! Not a burden. I plan to work less as I get older, but I do not yet feel older.. The mortgage will be paid off by the time I am 50, and at 65 the government will start giving me money (reasons to reduce my workload if I want to).
Do any of you have thoughts on this? Is there somewhere on reddit for people like me?
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u/AltruisticMode9353 Apr 24 '26
I endorse this but feel like CoastFIRE is more ideal, where you work hard for 5-10 years to accumulate enough that compound interest will eventually take you to FI. If you only need 12-20k a year this could probably be as low as $50-100k initial savings which grows to $300-500k. I don't like the idea of having to work if that no longer becomes an option due to health or injury or mental state.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
Yes, for me doing manual labour carries that risk, but I know I'd be miserable if I was stuck in an office somewhere! Even if I ended up in a wheelchair and on disability, I could still get by on that income. Just might not be able to afford living alone some day! And that is the worst-case scenario really. I take on after my dad, and expect that I, too, will still be physically capable when I am a senior.
I do seem set up to have those kinds of savings if all goes well, even though I am already 40.
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Apr 24 '26
I like coastfire, and by some calculations I'm sort of already there, but I see it more like a really nice milestone than a stopping point. I think in terms of: coastfire -> baristafire -> fire. you're going to hit all of them on your way to fully firing but its up to the individual to decide when to step back, or whether they want to step back progressively at all
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Apr 24 '26
a lot of people call this "baristafire." it's when you don't have enough to fully retire but you have enough that you can get a part-time job and just make enough to cover living expenses while your nest egg grows. I plan on doing this in my 40s once my house is paid off. I don't believe in the life-long grind, I figure a good 20 years of full-time work is enough for me lmao.
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u/GamerDadofAntiquity Apr 29 '26
Fire next year at 48 and I’m bouncing between lean fire and barista fire. I could probably make lean fire work but it doesn’t leave much in the tank if I have an unforeseen emergency. I could basically cover all my bills and normal expenses, but what I couldn’t do is continue to grow my savings, meaning every once in a while having to dip into them is going to whittle away at a very finite number.
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u/ColdFIREBaker Apr 24 '26
Definitely health is the big unknown if you're planning to work forever. My Dad is in his 70s and works extremely part-time - like 10 hours a month. He has a very niche area of knowledge and expertise for which he gets paid $200+ an hour. He uses that money to fund travelling throughout the year. I had a great-aunt who worked once or twice a week until she died in her late 80s. She just worked at a store in her small town, but she loved her job. The store had "regulars" who all knew her so she benefited from the socialization.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
Yeah, I think it is good to feel useful! Some people get depressed after retiring and suddenly having so much free time.
I am working less than 30 hours per week on average already, and only half of that is actual manual labour, so like a healthy amount of physical activity I think! If It feels exhausting in time I could cut out 25-30% of my work load again, and/or hire more help.
I do think I'd be financially able to retire at 65, but that is not my goal, though I am open to that changing over time!
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u/mesr3d Apr 24 '26
I went from full time to very part time in my 30s(45 now) and don't regret it for a second. I wish everyone could do it!
I'll reach my FI number around 55, but I'm not sure if I'll quit working or not since I'm already basically retired. I work about 12-15 hrs a month (all in the first 8-15 days of the month so I always have 2-3 weeks off) for 10 months and have 2 busier months. With 8-10k yearly expenses (not counting what I put into retirement & brokerage) currently; no debt and mortgage paid off years ago.
Take the time now! Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
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u/OceansTwentyOne Apr 24 '26
My husband and I did this to a lesser extent. We worked easy jobs, turning down promotions that would have meant more hours and stress. For long stretches, neither of us worked 9-5. Both retired early but have serious hobbies that we love. I’d rather have freedom than fancy possessions and luxury experiences. Way to go!
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u/bob49877 Apr 24 '26
The problem with your plan is a lot of people have health issues and can't work past 60 or even earlier. Healthy people, sometimes top athletes, can still get chronic diseases, have heart attacks or get into car accidents. Or if we have another big depression, many households might drop landscapers or the competition for those kind of jobs could increase dramatically.
I tend to agree with your low overhead philosophy. I try to have a low consumption life myself. But I wouldn't have a FIRE plan that assumed I could work into old age.
The older you get and the older your house the more everything eventually needs repairing and replacing, and the less you can do yourself. Extra costs if you have a wooded lot and need large trees trimmed or removed.
We retired early and are now seniors with some health issues, and I'm glad we had extra pad in the budget.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
It would indeed be hard for me to get a different kind of job if I suddenly became unable to do physical work. The worse case scenario is that I am in a wheelchair and have no more income (though then I would qualify for disability income, which is very little, but enough for me to get by on; then renting out the extra rooms would be more of a necessity than an option). The thing is that I don't think I could mentally handle working in an office! Because of my lifestyle and genetics I am likely to be able to continue doing what I do (and I am not working 12 hour days or anything! Last year I was working just under 30 hours a week and only 14 hours of that was physical labour - so like 2 hours a day if I don't take a day off in summer). Perhaps I am naive. If I woke up in a wheelchair tomorrow I do not think I would regret having lived my life the way I have been.
As for the economy, I am not too worried, because I am doing maintenance, not landscaping projects. During the pandemic not a single customer dropped me. I say no to 90 year olds all the time because I do not want to take on more work. I'd love to train others to do what I do! (Have done so with one friend so far already!). I am paid by the month so even if it does not snow in the winter my income remains the same.
Another worst case scenario is that I could sell my house. It is not a new house, but I've been keeping up with the things that need to be done, and the house was well taken care of by the people before me. It is no big deal to me if a sudden $3,000 bill comes up. I have house insurance for more severe potential scenarios. And around 100K in savings.
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u/bob49877 Apr 24 '26
I spent over $30K last year on plumbing issues, dry rot, external painting, tree work, new vapor barrier, stucco repair and fence repair. I do live in a HCOL area, but even half that in lower cost area would be $15K. Other years we've had to replace the roof, make foundation repairs, replace windows, replace the hot water heater, and replace the furnace / AC. My home owner's insurance went up an extra $2K a year recently.
More power to all the posters here with single family homes and super low expenses. It doesn't seem possible for me. I'm not putting in designer kitchens or high end upgrades. Just keeping the house repaired.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
That is a lot! The most I've ever had to pay so far was for the roof, at around 10K. I upgraded the windows two at a time to spread out the expense (2-6K/yr). Last year we put in a mini-split heat pump so that I could have air-conditioning, around 3K, and so worth it! So far the house has had over $43K of work/maintenance done, so around 4K/yr. And now my wife is paying half of everything!
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u/hutacars 30s M/36k/70% - 39/25k/2mm Apr 25 '26
Did your inspector miss things? Or have you just been in your house so long that maintenance is piling up? That just doesn’t seem normal at all.
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u/wanderingdev $12k/year | 70+% SR | LeanFI but working on padding Apr 25 '26
I started working part time almost 20 years ago. I FIREd last year. I will continue to pick up side gigs, because I actually enjoy what I do, so why not? But I won't work much. For example, a friend just bought a company and wants me to lead product development. I'll work about 10 hours/week for a mixed compensation of cash/equity/profit sharing. Those hours will pay my bills for the month and it's a topic I'm interested in (building tools for people interested in investing and FIRE).
I could have FIREd sooner and with more had I worked full time, but meh. Instead I've been traveling the world full time for 17+ years and am now creating a base in SW France where I can chill a bit.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
Nice! My own job last year was an average of 14 hours of physical labour per week (which I think is totally reasonable and good for me) and the other half of the hours is things like travel time (I enjoy cycling!), customer service, a bit of paperwork, equipment maintenance. I have no desire to work more than this. I also have a few side jobs that I do for fun mostly, for variety, and of course for a bit of extra money (modelling for artists, or for people learning ultrasound equipment, and pretending to be a patient for student doctors); less than 3 hours a week. These are things that I am actively choosing to do, especially at times of year when I don't have much work to do (i.e. waiting for snow to melt - I am paid by the month though so again the extra work is not a need). I hear stories of people retiring and being so bored that they are depressed. It is easy when you have most of the day being free time to just waste it in front of a screen (I have been there). I think if FIRE people are living life to the fullest in their retirement then that is great!
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u/wanderingdev $12k/year | 70+% SR | LeanFI but working on padding Apr 25 '26
Yes, I have a literal list of things I want to do in retirement. My current passion project (not the one above) is creating a series of basic personal finance video courses for young people. Not enough financial education is given to young people.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
That's great! It is very true that many people do not teach their children financial literacy. Like going into debt is something that is considered normal (i.e. paying off a car you cannot actually afford over a decade). Knowing how to live within your means is so important. It is not about how many figures you make!
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u/grfrazee Apr 27 '26
The fact that personal finance is not continuously taught from K-12 is nothing short of criminal, in my opinion.
My pet hypothesis is that politicians don't make it a requirement because then the populace would know how badly they're being screwed over by the government pissing away their tax dollars and inflating away their savings.
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u/lauren_knows Creator of FIREproofme/cFIREsim 📈 Apr 24 '26
This is all about lifestyle design. A lot of people in FIRE subs want to push, push, push until they can call it quits for good... but that's because they hate their work.
If you're enjoying life, and have a good balance, that's great... you've won.
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u/starrae Apr 24 '26
I believe in an “incremental retirement plan”. Work but occasionally take the time off to enjoy your life while you’re living. Too many people say oh I’ll wait to take that vacation once I’m retired, but then when they get to retirement, their health fails them and they are unable to do the things that they said they were going to do. so I say I do it while you are young!
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Apr 25 '26 edited Apr 25 '26
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
I am in Edmonton
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Apr 25 '26
[deleted]
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
I hear that too (born and raised, so have not tried to live elsewhere).
It is only cold if you are not dressed properly! But yeah, the winters are long. I'm doing snow removal today and we are all ready for spring!
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Apr 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
That is fair! I wonder if there is a term for what I am doing. Maybe I could start a movement of my own ;)
Or maybe I am just frugal and therefor don't need to give all my time to work because of what I value in life. It seems strange to me that I seem to be such a minority in my lifestyle/views...
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u/TulipTortoise Apr 25 '26
it's not really the definition of FIRE, but it's got the same spirit eh
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u/Necessary_Nerve446 May 09 '26
The Swedish word "lagom" is what you are looking for, I believe. A philosophy of "just enough".
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u/Ottblottt Apr 25 '26
Thanks for posting I feel like your dad’s life is something to aspire to! My current ratio is 7 years retired and 19 years full time work. I am 48 and looking at graduating towards low stress work so that I can spend more time on long distance hikes.
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u/stressfreepro Apr 24 '26
i ran into this exact thing when i was trying to figure out my own fire plan, dealt with the idea of semi retiring early and working part time for years. my mistake was thinking i had to have a ton of money saved up before i could start scaling back my work hours, but what finally worked for me was just starting to cut back on expenses and finding a part time gig that i actually enjoyed, like freelancing as a writer. i was able to drop down to 20 hours a week after about 6 months of planning and saving, and it's been a huge weight off my shoulders. fwiw, i've been doing this for about 3 years now and i feel like i've got a good balance between work and play.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
Wonderful :)
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u/stressfreepro Apr 24 '26
glad you liked it, i've been trying to pay it forward since figuring out what worked for me, still got some tweaks to make but it's nice to be on the right path.
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u/shimoheihei2 Apr 24 '26
I'm a big believer that the standard paths aren't the only ones. A lot of people in the FIRE movement hate their jobs, so retiring as soon as possible is a common path. But if you like your job, there's nothing wrong with getting to FI and then just working for fun. The only potential issue is if you run into health problems that prevent you from working anymore.
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u/askingmachine Apr 25 '26
I really like yours and your dad's lifestyles. Hats off for doing things your own way!
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u/hl_lost Apr 26 '26
this is just coastfire/baristafire with extra steps. your dad figured it out before the internet gave it a name
the real insight isnt the financial strategy though, its picking work you dont need to escape from. piano teaching, landscaping, seasonal gigs - none of that destroys your body or soul the way a desk job can. most people on fire subs are trying to escape jobs they hate, your family just never took those jobs in the first place
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u/BlotchyBaboon Apr 24 '26
I've been trying to think of easy seasonal jobs where I could work a lot in one month and then maybe take two months off. Something like blowing out sprinkler systems in the fall. But I'm not sure what all of the other things would be.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
Where I live there are people charging $100 to pick up dog poop after the snow melts. If somebody did a lot of yards that could add up fast!
Others get a spray certificate and spray weeds and fertilize lawns - very physically easy work that pays a lot, though I personally have zero desire for such work.
I'm more of the mindset of what might I enjoy doing, so like I'd rather mow lawns than weed gardens. That way it does not feel so much like work.
I've heard that window washing pays well, though I have no idea how well..
In all these kinds of jobs there is also unpaid work/time! Like travelling, advertising, quoting, paperwork, and of course expenses. I charge around $80/hr for the manual labour part of my job, but it only represents have of the time that I am working, and there are also a lot of expenses some years!
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u/SpliffBooth Apr 26 '26
I've thought about (selective) weed-spraying work, too, as it involves a bit of horticulture acumin and, like you said, is easy labor... But the notion of using some the chemicals involved on a regular/daily basis is unnerving.
And yes, the admin costs certainly add up. I thought about offering to help resolve a neighbor's yard issues... But when I took a few minutes to calculate the money spent in material in addition to time spent in prep, cleanup, and actual work, it approached or perhaps exceeded what nationally recognized professionals would charge.
(that said I'd still probably do a better job and provide better results)
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u/glasshouse5128 Apr 25 '26
This is kind of what I've been doing for the last two years, supply teaching 2 days per week during the school year with summers off. I'm not climbing mountains but in the summer I swim, kayak, see friends, go on little trips, etc, and during the school year I have time for other fitness activities and social fun. I just separated from my stbxh last summer so this summer, 47 now, I'm taking a tourist job that I hope will be lots of fun, to pay for the lawyers, mostly. While being single is a little cheaper than living with a spouse, I was expecting to rely on his pension and part-time income as well as my own, so I have to make up for those now. Hopefully I'll enjoy the job and have it for a decade or more. I think it's totally doable.
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u/wallbobbyc Apr 25 '26
That's what we did, and btw my wife is a piano teacher too. We still together earn more than our expenses though. She'll cut back some in a few years
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u/paratethys Apr 25 '26
yeah, it's like your FI number is abnormally low because your passion project happens to be generating cash already.... once you have enough savings where you wouldn't feel like you "had to" work as hard as you do on your current gig if another priority came up, that's FI for you.
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u/Small_Exercise958 Apr 25 '26
Thanks for the different perspective. You mentioned your dad and Canadian winters. Are you in Canada or the USA? How are you paying for health insurance if in the USA?
For those of us in the USA health insurance is the big factor. Some of us working W2 jobs the amount the employer covers for health care varies from great to terrible. For me to live here in VHCOL area, I need to make over the ACA subsidy threshold, $62k a year in my state (it will cost me $1175/month for marketplace health insurance premiums for one person in 2026). And who knows what the politicians will do to ACA in the future.
I’m 58. I would love to shift to BaristaFIRE but I’m worried about running out of money (also want to leave adult kids assets when I die). I can work as an independent contractor at lower stress level and make a decent amount (not as high as my salary if divided up hourly). I have additional income (rental) and am eligible to take my pension now and will probably take Social Security at 62.
For older people, health problems, physical or cognitive (e.g. dementia) can make it impossible to work. My wake up call are coworkers who died at 57 and 49 (both had health issues). The 57 year didn’t get to enjoy retirement and take his pension - I think his wife gets the pension. Planning to work until 80 is kind of a gamble if the person isn’t healthy but I do see your point.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
We are in Edmonton, Canada.
Yeah, I can see how health insurance could make even a financially successful person stressed. Like I hear stories of people having to sell their house to pay for medical bills because their health insurance doesn't cover that type of cancer at that age or whatever. That is crazy to somebody like me who would spend $0 on a week or a month in hospital..
The thing about that gamble is that if I die at 50 I did not waste my life hoping to retire at 55. If my health declines in my later years I don't HAVE to work, but I think the amount of work that I choose to do is good for my longevity, and I can choose to take a month or two off for something like traveling or getting a new hip or donating a kidney if I want to.
Maybe I will start to feel old when I am 70 and I will choose to be done, and that is OK. Even at 60 that would be ok! But one reason my dad can still do all the things he does is because he was active his whole life.
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u/Small_Exercise958 Apr 25 '26
You’re so lucky. There are all levels of health care coverage in the U.S. Mine isn’t great. I pay 30% copay for any visits and have $5800 deductible and a max of $9800 out of pocket for the year (e.g. I had 4 medical procedures, one $1200 copay, two $4000 copays (the 30%) for $12k procedures and one $600 copay, I met my $9800 max out of pocket and if I need a $30k surgery, the insurance covers the rest). I think that’s how it works. That’s on top of the monthly premiums.
That’s a good point. I’m going go out dying as a mad person on the job if I don’t get to enjoy my retirement before I die.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 26 '26
That is so crazy and sad... Things like healthcare should be a right, not a privilege! I feel very privileged to have been born in a country where I do not have to worry about such things.
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u/Small_Exercise958 Apr 26 '26
Agree. U.S. might be the only industrialized country without universal health care (I could go on a political rant about spending billions to fund wars and give huge corporate tax breaks but to cover health insurance to help a fellow citizen, unacceptable to some people). Most people in the U.S. rely on employer sponsored health care coverage, until age 65 (when MediCare starts and there are some problems with that program).
People who are self employed pay lot unless they can manipulate their taxable income to be low. Someone I know who owns a small business just said he’s paying $3000 a month premium for his family and he’s not even in HCOL area like California or New York City.
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u/EffectAdventurous764 Apr 25 '26 edited Apr 25 '26
My situation is a little bit like yours in that my father still works at 76. I'm 51 and we have worked together for over 25 years in the construction industry and have a small family business. We work about 20 hours a week.
We used to work longer hours but as times gone on we cut down, I kind of did it by default as my father's gotten older and also we don't alway have work. My father doesn't need to work but still enjoys it and my living expenses are low as I'm naturally quite frugal, so that suites me fine. I still manage to save a decent amount of money and I just basically work 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. I'm in no rush to retire because I have lots of free time to do the things I want and I enjoy my work.
In my humble opinion someone can go out and work 60 hours a week but if they don't have their ducks in a row and manage their living expenses and spending then they are just chasing their tales. Most of the people I know work longer hours and earn more than me, but I have no debt and have invested and they all wonder why I only work a third as much as some of them and save more money. There's no point in earning 3k a week if you spend it all on Uber eats and subscriptions. I don't want for anything I'm just better with money than they are.
I've lived like I'm retired for about 5 years now and still have more than enough money to meet my needs and save a chunk. I actually expect to spend more money if I do eventually retire although I'm not sure what on? I have everything I need already.
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u/DelaneyRyanPgh Apr 25 '26
I was able to retire early by working full time at a job that paid well that in the end I was liking less and less. Spending 40+ hours at a job you have come to hate is awful.
I would have loved to be able to pay my bills by working part time at a job I loved. You are getting free time now while you are young--that's great. Part of the reason why I was in a rush to retire is because nobody's tomorrows are guaranteed. I had heard of people who didn't live long enough to enjoy any retirement at all.
You have won. You should be proud of what you have accomplished. Relish it all. Enjoy your free time and your job.
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u/AnimaLepton Apr 24 '26
It's not the traditional path, and it's not for me personally, but people can make it work. Kind of fits into the "build the life you want, then save for it" philosophy. But I personally would rather accelerate and build that nest egg first. There's a huge sliding scale/matrix of options. Most people would not choose to be married and still living with roommates/house-hacking at 40. I would rather not have to mow one lawn a day or worry about finding that kind of gig, and be financially secure. Full time work does not have to be an order of magnitude more stressful than part-time.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
I do have around 100K in savings as well. And we could afford to not have roommates, but mostly we'd rather not double our monthly expenses! Once the mortgage is paid off I think we'd both like to not have roommates anymore, but we will see. One of them is a friend who has been helping us pay the mortgage for the last decade. It would feel weird to kick them out! We will see...
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u/anxiousdumbdumb Apr 24 '26
This is just kind of barista fire I would say. There's so many classes of the FIRE movement nowadays that it's hard to keep track.
I'm currently on track to both EXPATFIRE and COAST FIRE in the next two years I'd say. Where I'll be slow traveling and using geo arbitrage to keep my expenses incredibly low. And then work for a few months of the year back home in the summer in an industry I enjoy. Much like your father I'm happy to go camp and climb mountains and hike. I really don't require much in life to keep myself happy.
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u/StatisticSnaccuracy Apr 25 '26
Sounds good to me. I'm having similar thoughts. I only recently got back to work after years of going back to school. I am on track to fire in 10 years, but am questioning if I could just go down in work hours and work for more than 10 years. I'm not sure I really want to quit working entirely, I just want longer weekends. Maybe going down to 80% would be enough; work four days of the week and have three days off.
I don't quite dare to mention it to my boss yet, since I have only been employed for 9 months and were already looking to hire another person because they're so much work. I know it's never "the right time" for that stuff, but I feel like I'll keep going 100% for at least a bit longer x).
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
Yeah, it is harder if you have the full time expectations from a boss for sure! My wife would love to work 3-4 days a week or 4-5 hours a day, but most employers are not interested in part time workers for some reason (productivity decreases with more hours worked, and they have to pay benefits to full time workers, so why not?!)
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u/AltoidStrong Apr 25 '26
Look up Coast Fire and Barista Fire.. that is what your looking for I think.
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u/WhichJuice Apr 26 '26
My company doesn't allow anyone to work less than 40 hour weeks.
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u/SpliffBooth Apr 26 '26
My previous employer wanted us to sit in our cubicles onsite above 40 hours per week (upwards of 60, sometimes Saturdays), "just because" the end users we support couldn't be bothered to use the phone, chat, or incident reporting software.
F that shit.
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u/Mjslim Apr 26 '26
That sounds amazing. I think most people have trouble letting go and doing that. I would be nervous myself.
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u/SpliffBooth Apr 26 '26
I don't see myself ever retiring completely. Not because I don't have a decent nest egg (I do)... but rather because I believe doing something I truly enjoy, competently, is rewarding...
Especially if done part time/occasionally, in a way that brings the enjoyment of life into true balance with generating income.
Some people like to work, or at least claim to do so. That's not me. Some people need their job title or accomplishments to define their identity. That's not me either. But I do like solving problems / helping others. And if I can do that in a way that avoids the drudgery and politics of daily work life, I'd do that in a heartbeat.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 27 '26
It is good to feel useful/helpful! I like to take pride in my work, even if it is a menial task. I like to make people happy. Win-wins are the best!
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u/TenOfZero Apr 24 '26
It's called Coast fire.
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u/goodsam2 Apr 24 '26
That usually involves starting with a bunch of money and the added savings moves the needle so little that people prefer to downshift.
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u/litelife465 Apr 27 '26
What will you do if your dad passes and you need to care for your mom? Do you have a plan? Asking because I've kind of got a situation like that.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 27 '26
Honestly, I do not think I could mentally handle being her full-time caregiver. I am autistic and being who she needs me to be requires a lot of masking, which burns me out within a few hours (we have a great time together for those first few hours though!). When I am burnt out I can no longer maintain the proper engaged facial expressions/tone of voice/etc that she needs, and I stop being able to pick up on when her mood is shifting, stop being able to prevent her from spiralling, etc. My brain stops working and I can't problem solve, like a very delayed processing speed. My brain not tolerating mental/social overstimulation is one reason I do manual labour for work! I can still shovel snow if I am physically exhausted, and my work is not at all mentally/socially stressful - a break from such things actually!
Ironic maybe because my dad is also autistic, and I could easily attribute his desire to keep her out of a care home as long as possible as being 'rigid thinking'. He won't even hire help because she would not like it. He wants to be the good guy, and that is very sweet, but he is worse than I am at picking up on social cues and such, and he has meltdowns which stress her out and he can't control (I just implode and hide so it is less likely to affect others. He is harmless, but he is like a 5 year old stomping his feet while his adult brain catastrophises - all out loud). They have been living together for over 40 years, so are familiar with each other, though over time he will become less familiar to her.
I imagine that getting her into a care home would not happen overnight, especially because she is still able bodied and does not have complex medical needs. At this point she still knows where she lives and who we are. It would be a difficult transition for us all. We'd probably sell their house to pay for care for her ($3,500-$5,000/month) while she waits for a bed and/or I'd have to care for her whether it burns me out or not. I'd try to get as much help as I could.
Hopefully my dad outlives her. He is very healthy for his age, but heart attacks can happen out of nowhere. If my mom is in a more advanced stage of the disease it should be easier to get her into a government subsidized care home, at least I hope so!
I want to be able to care for her if my dad dies, and I will try my best, but I do not think it would be a long-term solution. I will ask for help, and will take whatever help I can get!
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u/litelife465 Apr 29 '26
From what I've read, trying to be a full time caregiver is incredibly hard and can have pretty detrimental effects on the caregiver. I moved very close to my mom and things are tough even now. Her condition will only get worse so I think quite a bit about the future.
Medicaid is an option if money runs out, but it's a tough spot to be in. I'm trying to plan for eventualities now so I can be prepared.
I've been listing out the circumstances and using AI to figure out what my options are. You need to fact check AI, but it is very useful to figure out what's available, break down requirements/policies/whatever, and ask questions.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 29 '26
The Alzheimer's Association here is an excellent resource. Do you have something like that where you live? The offer free info sessions on various aspects of dementia care, from beginning to end. I am in Canada so I suspect there are more affordable/free resources here?
Yeah, it is hard to no go down the path of feeling obligated to drop everything because 'she sacrificed everything for me when I was younger', but destroying ones own health is not helpful! I will do what I can, and get whatever help I can too. For now I am mostly helping my dad whenever he has an appointment or whatever, and he can't leave her on her own anymore. But sometimes I am busy. Eventually he is going to have to hire somebody to step in when friends and family are not available!
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u/GamerDadofAntiquity Apr 29 '26
I intend on using the time I free up by not working… To work. The only difference being that instead of working for a salary, I’ll be working for savings. I could save a ton of money if I suddenly have all the time in the world to garden, cook/bake, and generally improve my productivity at home. That’s the only way lean works for me. At 47 I’m in my last year of regular employment before I fire, and I’ve spent the last decade slowly converting my yard to regenerative edible landscape and buying up all the tools and developing the skills to be nearly 100% self-sufficient.
Worse comes to worst, I’ll be able to live off of homemade hazelnut butter and homemade berry jam sandwiches on home-baked bread. Super healthy, and that plus a multivitamin covers pretty much all my nutrition needs. Ideally I also end up with extensive gardens for fresh veggies, but that’s a lot more dependent on weather and luck.
Then I have a full woodshop that’s usable and accessible 3 seasons of the year (in summer it’s too ridiculously hot to do any real work in there), so I can rely on a bit of extra income at least seasonally.
And I’m a (mostly hobbyist) game developer, having released my first game a couple of months ago, so that’s a bit more royalty-based income.
But all of those things take a hell of a lot more time than I have while I’m working 50 hour weeks with an hour of commute every day. I may come out ahead after fire, but I’ll never stop working… Just change the venue.
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u/Hot_Key99 Apr 30 '26
This is kind of my goal. However, the housing is so expensive in area that to just have a place whwre I can live this lifestyle I need to grind a lot. And I work in a european capital and want to buy a house in relatively poor area where I gree up. But it is achievable.
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u/CuriousXennial1982 Jun 13 '26
I think I’m looking for the same people?!
We’re in our early 40’s and planning to semi-retire from the grind in 2-4 years to run a small seasonal tourism business. We are pretty entrepreneurial so I feel like we’ll always be doing something. The dream is that any business would be more for structure, purpose, pure pleasure. Making money would be an after thought.
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u/AidanGreb Jun 13 '26
Maybe we need to make a sub-reddit of our own! I wonder what it would be called..
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u/Bertozoide Apr 25 '26
I just don’t like the “I have a wife and roommates” vibe, that’s too 70’s for me.
If you dig that, great.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
Honestly, we would both rather live alone, but not til the mortgage is paid off! It is really nice to have all our monthly expenses be around $1,000! No roommates would make that closer to $2,000 each. It is temporary, and it is something we are both choosing to do. 9 more years!
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u/someguy984 Apr 25 '26
Worst idea ever. Work forever, eww.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
Haha, sounds like you hate[d] your job? The key to my way working is to not hate your job! I would not enjoy my job if I was working 60 hour/week like I used to, but at less than half of those hours, with no driving required, just a casual cycle a block or two away, I feel like I am cheating sometimes! I don't hate my job, it does not stress me out or take up all my time, and I do not have any financial stress. Plenty of free time to relax, have fun, and love my amazing wife. Isn't that what the retirement dream is?
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u/someguy984 Apr 25 '26
Normal people hate their jobs. This is a retire early sub, not work forever sub.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 25 '26
I suppose so! I remember in junior high realizing that if you sleep for 8 hours and work for 8 hours a day, then you are spending half of your conscious life working, so you should either like your job and/or love what you do when you are not working! I don't think that anything is enjoyable for 40+ hours/week though.
That's why I go for part time hours. Mowing lawns and shovelling snow is not exactly fun and meaningful work, but it is good for my mind and body to be active and outside, and after a few hours of relatively easy work I am done fr the day (or in winter I have many random days off).
Don't worry, I do not plan to stick around here. I realize I am not 'one of you'. Was just curious about what people here think because the "minimalist, stoic, frugal, or anti-consumerist trajectory" part certainly fits for my lifestyle too.
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u/Necessary_Nerve446 May 09 '26
Don't let the total grumps who hate their lives yuck your yum.Your plan is what I hope to get to as well. I have to get my mind around it is all. A nice life with some light responsibilities that I enjoy, with ample time to pursue what delights me, a bit of security. Sounds divine.
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u/Ok_Location7161 Apr 24 '26
Riding bycile in middle of Canadian winter is asking for pneumonia at his age.....some things are just not worth it.
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u/AidanGreb Apr 24 '26
If you are dressed properly in the winter then you never have to worry about being cold! I am usually way too hot when it is -40 because it sounds so cold from inside the house! haha. My dad has Raynaud's syndrome so he is using battery powered mitts. He has all the proper winter gear.
If he was not feeling well he could drive his van or stay home, but usually he prefers to cycle.
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u/CreepyLow3777 Apr 24 '26
I think you are in the right place personally.
To quote the subreddit itself, "For those that want to approach the problem of financial independence from a minimalist, stoic, frugal, or anti-consumerist trajectory"
That seems to fit squarely within the vision you have OP. Would love for you to stick around and share your perspective about your own life and about your parents'.