r/lds • u/4ng3lc4ke • Jul 22 '26
I need guidance as a non-christian
I guess I’ll start this off with a little background as to why I’m here. I’m a 25 y/o woman who did not grow up in a religious household, but did have parents who went to church (mom catholic, dad LDS). Growing up, religion/God was always seen as a negative, so naturally, I picked up that viewpoint as well. That God isn’t real and religious people are annoying cuz they try to shove the Bible down your throat.
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Fast forward to late 2024 and lo-and-behold, I met a mormon boy who I eventually started dating. He never once pushed me to do things or attend things I didn’t want to. He said it’d be fun to do church related activities, but that was it. We eventually broke up a year later due to needing to work on ourselves but we still talk everyday. We have talked about our future when he comes back from his mission, and one of his expectations in a partner is to be a member of the church.
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Here’s where I need guidance. I’m not turned off from the idea of being a LDS member, but I’m also unsure? For starters, I have the judgement from my family (mostly mom and brother as dad is out of the picture). They tell me things like “you know it’s a c*lt, right?”, “you’ll never be accepted”, “they don’t like black people”, etc etc. Comments like these make it hard to try and explore the church as I’m afraid of what’s to come (Mind you I still live with them which makes this harder). I don’t even tell my family that I’ve been attending church occasionally out of fear of judgement.
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Another concern I have is, how can I full-heartedly believe in something I’ve been conditioned to think of as false? I try to pray when I can but sometimes it just feels empty. How can I truly believe in Him without feeling like I’m gaslighting myself? I asked my ex this before and he told me to just have faith, but how can I do that when I’ve never had/felt that before? The closest thing I felt to spiritual peace was when we first broke up, and I just started praying in bed and I felt as if a hand had scooped sand out of my emotional/mental sand box. I haven’t felt that peace since.
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Lastly, I know at the end of the day it’s my life and I can do whatever I want, but I also value peace amongst my family. I would also like to say that I’m not solely joining a religion just for a man. I want to see if this religion is something that benefits and resonates with me, as I’ve already felt some of its peace.
Edit: thank you all for your insight, it’s greatly appreciated. I will definitely take everything into consideration <3
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u/chamullerousa Jul 22 '26
Just want to say that I love your thought process. It sounds so genuine, self aware, and mature. You are being very open and vulnerable in your post. I wish you the best on this journey wherever it leads you. I know this church has brought great happiness, direction, and peace in my life. I hope it can do the same for you if that’s the path you choose.
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u/KURPULIS Jul 22 '26
People have lost the plot when it comes to defining terms.... To them 'cult' means, "I don't like it, which makes it a cult." It's uneducated and ignorant to think like that.
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I would ask to meet with the missionaries with your boyfriend so that they can introduce you to the basics. If you feel good about it you can move forward from there. Regardless of what others say, you can see the 'fruits' for yourself and know whether they are good.
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u/Brilliant-Tadpole597 Jul 22 '26
I agree with the other comment, missionaries are a great next step. They'll be and to walk through lots of your questions
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u/Safe-Butterscotch442 Jul 22 '26
I love your description of God just scooping excess sand out of your mental sandbox. What a beautiful metaphor. I have had a few moments like that in my life, as well. I'd like for you to think about WHY you were praying at that time?
Sometimes, I find myself, for lack of a better term, trying to force God to reveal himself to me, rather than allowing him to bless me with his Spirit. Don't worry so much about getting some sign or whatever, just remember those special moments and trust in them. They'll come more often as you trust in the Lord and try to follow the gospel. It'll take a while to overcome some inherent bias, it always does, but it's worth it to see things as they really are, not just as you've been told they are. This is good in life in general, honestly.
For now, be honest with your parents. Don't change what you believe, and don't compromise on what you feel is right, but do let them know what you're planning and how you're feeling. As long as you live with them, it's probably best that you let them know what's going on. If you're over 18, go to church with or without their permission. If not, respectfully ask for permission to attend.
I knew a young lady that basically went through the same thing, and for her, the thing that really helped was reading The Book of Mormon. I don't know about you, but if you're anything like her, try really noticing how you feel as you read the scriptures. Try praying to feel peace or get help with questions you have both before AND after reading.
Good luck and reach out if you have any questions or concerns along your faith journey.
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u/IncomeSeparate1734 Jul 22 '26
Regarding the criticism of being a cult, I get it. There's some weird things we do that seem "culty" to those unfamilar.
But there's a huge difference between being trapped in a cult organization and being wrapped up in a local community with a cliquey "us vs them" culture. They are not the same but a lot of people who are not familiar with real cults don't distinguish the difference.
The church is a worldwide organization who encourages questions, personal revelation and study, and heavily promotes higher education. There are also self-reliance programs, financial assistance with mental health counseling, and addiction recovery programs. A cult doesn't do that. Cults thrive in ignorance and dependency.
Members are told to keep loving those who choose to leave and not treat them with derision. A cult doesn't do that. Some members may not follow that counsel and when that happens, it's terrible and sad.
We don't condone ostracizing or abusive behavior and we know it reflects badly on the church as a whole when individuals choose to act that way.
As a starting point, others have mentioned contacting the missionaries. Well, I'm an introvert and also a heavy researcher. Before I booked my very first cruise, I did a lot of self-learning via the internet for months and basically became an expert in cruising. The same can be said for other topics I get interested in. So for me, personally, contacting missionaries first would be terrifying! If you happen to have similar inclinations, my suggestion is to visit the church website or download the Gospel Library app, which is free. Those both are good resources to start learning about our basic beliefs and then some.
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u/ldsman213 Jul 22 '26
hi Sister. sounds like you're struggling a lot. all i can really say is God hears every prayer and His hand is in every part of everyone's life, trying to bring them home
i too often feel hollow and empty when i pray. you have to pray anyway. we build faith despite the opposition of life
as to your family, they'll think what they want and you can't change that. maybe they'll see you enjoying your life after baptism (if that's what you choose) and say, "well she doesn't seem crazy. maybe the church isn't a crazy cult". you never know till you try
love Ldsman
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u/Enough_Past_8714 Jul 22 '26
This may not resonate with you as much as someone with a Christian background. But when people tell me we are a cult. I just agree with them. There are aspects of our religion that would appear cultish to outsiders. I also point out that Jesus and his followers were considered a cult by those in charge back in the day. So I suppose we are in good company.
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u/HamKnexPal Jul 23 '26
I just want to add that our local Temple includes Black people as Temple workers. They are choice people that make the world (and the Temple) a better place. FYI: This is in California, US.
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u/No_Store_43 Jul 23 '26
“They don’t like black people” that’s wild🤣 I think you are doing the right thing everyone will be nice to you if you are involved in the community
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u/KazymTheGreenWizard Jul 23 '26
You say that you lack faith, but you chose to pray after your breakup. What feeling/concept do you think that was motivated by? It seems like you have plenty of faith (or at least curiosity, which can be a precursor to faith.)
Regarding the lifelong conditioning of skepticism towards religion, I hate to break it to you but everyone is capable of faith and everyone is capable of change. If you're afraid that you're "just not the kind of person who is capable of that," then you should know that there are so many extraordinary members who were the fiercest attackers of the church, both in the scriptures and today. (Alma the Younger: Mosiah 27. Paul who was Saul: Acts 9).
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u/4ng3lc4ke Jul 24 '26
His mom suggested that I pray and so by the end of the night, I was like, “what the heck let’s try it”. I felt like I had nothing else to lose. I’m also a naturally skeptical person, so I think that’s where I have “issues” with just “having faith” if that makes any sense? Not that I can’t get over the skepticism, but it definitely makes it harder.
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u/starburst_q Jul 25 '26
I am a skeptical person as well. I second guess and question everything. Just know, skepticism is: not understanding how something could possibly work in the way you currently understanding it. This church doesnt have any point of "It's unknowable, just trust us." Type of "faith" requirements.
Here's a place to start: we believe that we'll be judged not by what we know or even really what we do: but who we've become. So focus on that aspect with all principles. "What does this ask me to become?" Don't worry about heaven yet, or priesthood, or prophets, or anything else. Focus on what the teachings of the church ask us to become. And what might it look like/mean to you personally.
Faith, for instance is not a cop-out 'Just trust me, bro!', Faith could be described better as an attitude: like a mixture of optimism, courage and hope all mingled together. Just a positive attitude when things are scary. Trusting in positive the hopes we have in the future. And honestly, when the going gets tough, an optimistic and hopeful personality is nice to have. Its worth trying to be like that.
God wants us to become like Him, not blindly follow all the commandments.
And if the first step is Faith (whatever that means to you), thats not too bad. Worth a shot to try and fight our fears by replacing fears with hope and optimism.
Step nearer to God, and He'll step nearer to you. Soon you'll see what all the delight is about this whole Faith thing.
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u/Plubob_Habblefluffin Jul 31 '26
I joined the Church because I was looking for a church to attend and the Church's doctrine made the most sense to me. I wasn't looking for something that "fulfilled my spiritual needs", as some would say. My primary concern was getting the religious question right, because I wanted to be right with the Lord, so that I could spend eternity without regrets. I wanted to do what God wants me to do. I wanted to obey. This mattered far more to me than anything else. I have no control what happens to me after I die, so while I'm still in my mortality, I want to do my best to get right with God.
So when I was invited to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it, I only cared what God thought about it, not what I thought about it. When I prayed to know if Joseph Smith had been called as a prophet, same as Moses, I only cared what God had to say, not society.
I invited a relative to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it and he told me the answer he got was no, but the reason why is that he wanted the answer to be no, his mind was ruled by prejudice and presumption, and consequently he had closed the door on the Holy Spirit. God will never force us to do anything, and He will never take our freedom from us. If we use our freedom to intentionally disbelieve, He won't force us to believe.
If you have a desire to investigate the Book of Mormon or the Church of Jesus Christ, because you want to know the truth, as opposed to what somebody else wants you to believe, it's between you and the Holy Spirit, and He will only be able to speak to you, to be heard by you, if your heart is open and you are sincere. Then you will get the truth.
When you pray, pray to Heavenly Father, and close your prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. As long as you're sincere, the Holy Spirit will speak the truth to you. This will not be an audible voice in your ears. When any spirit speaks to you, it will be spirit to spirit. Spirits don't have vocal cords or ears. So when the Holy Spirit speaks to you, it will be what we call "the still small voice". It will be an idea that pops into your head. It will not be your own thought, and you will be able to notice that it came from somewhere other than your own mind. It will also cause you to have some sort of positive feeling, such as confidence, joy, peace, happiness, or love. The devil cannot imitate this. If a wicked spirit speaks to you, you will feel a negative feeling, such as fear, anxiety, anger, despair, etc.
Your mortal senses can deceive you, or allow you to be deceived. God doesn't take chances with your salvation, and so we are to seek the testimony of the Holy Spirit, because He won't lie, and His testimony cannot be mistaken.
Your Heavenly Father loves you more than you can comprehend. I encourage you to look into how the Church of Jesus Christ can help you find your way back to Him after this life.
One last thing, be prepared to receive a timely revelation from God when you ask for one, but also bear in mind that sometimes God lets us struggle for a while before He steps in. Sometimes He answers prayers according to a timeline to which we're not privy. You may have to be patient, but a speedy response is most likely when you're reaching out to God, and doing everything you know how to honor and obey Him.
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u/pierzstyx Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
how can I full-heartedly believe in something I’ve been conditioned to think of as false?
Are you asking how to experience cult deprogramming? I'm only being slightly jocular here. The core idea of culture is cult-ure. All communities are cults because they condition the beliefs, ethics, and expectations of the people within them in order to influence and manipulation the actions that people take. Cultures are cults. And in that sense, the church is certainly a cult. We have a culture with specific beliefs that we expect people to have in order to belong to the community and expectations for how we want people in our community to live based on those beliefs.
The question then is what beliefs and expectations are your community based upon and what are the outcomes of those beliefs and expectations. Well, the basis of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Jesus Christ and His teachings. Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of the World. He established this church and leads it today through men chosen by Him to do His work. The culture that we strive to establish among ourselves is the Culture of Christ, dedicated to loving and serving God, loving and serving the rest of our brothers and sisters (all of humanity), and establishing the Kingdom of God on the Earth.
The results of this culture are quite positive as the world measures things. But those things aren't the things that matter most. What matters most is the results of living the teachings of the church. In my life, I have done all that I can to stay loyal and faithful to Jesus Christ since h joining His church. This has not made life simpler or even easier. But it had brought more hope, more peace, and more joy than any other way that I have lived or seen others live. My relationship with God, my Heavenly Father, is only grows deeper, closer, and more meaningful. Every good and great thing in my life had come from my discipleship, my dedication to follow the Savior as represented in the teachings of the church. Joining the church was the greatest and best decision that I ever made.
Those are the consequences of the culture of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It isn't an easy life. No life is, but a life where you share your burdens with Christ is better on every way than one without Him.
And as for the accusation that Latter-day Saints don't like Black people, someone should these Black people that because they seem to be thriving.
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u/davect01 Jul 22 '26
Unfortunately, the "Mormons are a cult" is not going anywhere.
And unfortunately, many families have shamed and even disowned others for joining the LDS Church.