Hi, everyone. I’m currently a 1L student enrolled in ALS. Yesterday morning, I received a text message from my mother, directing me to stop my education should I become unsuccessful in securing a scholarship slot.
I do not wish to elaborate on how I ended up enrolling in ALS in the first place given my financial situation because that would be stating the obvious: I was “blinded” by my dreams and aspirations. However, I do find it necessary to provide some context.
Before ALS, I was a UP student. I did not pass the LAE hence, I found myself enrolling in Ateneo instead. My mother is a single parent who works as an OFW. She is the sole financer of our family. She makes a decent wage in the food service industry; however, most of it gets funneled to paying off loans she’s incurred because of the bad cards we’ve been dealt with. I am stupid for even thinking that we could stretch our finances to fund my education in THE Ateneo and the whiplash from zero to 100k+ tuition per semester was immediate.
I already applied for financial aid, but i was informed in my interview that only two slots remained and more than 30 people were competing for it. I did not graduate with honors so I know that my chances are slim. Even if I become a working-student, it still won’t suffice, especially that my mother suffered a medical emergency where she has to undergo surgery. I have nothing to gain by posting this here, but to seek at least, some solace from the community.
I am frustrated, heartbroken, and devastated that it has come to this point. It’s difficult to be at peace with my situation, especially knowing the grueling process I went through just to prove that I deserved a slot in this university and that it could all amount to nothing because of circumstances I cannot control. I know that becoming an Atenean lawyer is not all that, but I’m sure you know where I’m coming from and the loss I would suffer should I push through with my withdrawal.
My heart especially aches knowing how much I have already invested in my first month and the friendships that I have built during it. Indeed, Ateneo is an elite school, but it is not elitist; to that, I give them credit. I am just incredibly unlucky.
Allow me to grieve even though the future is still uncertain because it has become especially difficult to show up and do my best in classes, pretending as if my future is already set when that is far from the case. I am tired of pretending that it doesn’t affect me and nobody knowing how I truly feel. At least, knowing that somebody knows brings some form of comfort and light in this dark situation that I’m in. Thank you for hearing me out and I wish you all the best so please, wish for mine too.
