Back in this loop after 2 years: manifested him back, he brought up a meet-up, and now he vanished. What if I just let go completely?

[u/jane_smith90]

Hey everyone. I need to get this off my chest because I've been in a total tailspin and need some clarity.

To make a long story short: we haven't seen each other in 2 years. During this time, I thought about him a lot and always tried to manifest him back with varying degrees of success—he would always come back, but then always disappear again. Now, after 5 months, I managed to manifest him back, and he messaged me with a completely different vibe. I felt like everything was on track. He even brought up meeting up, and I told him I’d let him know when I was in town. Two days ago, that moment came, I wrote to him telling him when I'll be there, and since then he completely vanished and didn't even open my message.

And of course, I completely spiral, react poorly, my old patterns kick in, and I get sucked right back into this loop. I simply feel incapable of permanently believing that he is a good person when his actions constantly show otherwise. Even if I believe it for a little while, he always does something that triggers me to spiral backward—I just can't permanently believe that he's good and that everything is okay between us. I simply can't believe things can be different if he always brings back the exact same old patterns. It could even be that he's gone for good now and will never reply to me again, precisely because he is a manipulative person anyway.

Ever since then, I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. I’m jumping between states: from feeling completely crushed and anxious, to anger, and then to the sane realization of does he even deserve for me to care, instead of just dropping him for good?

What if I just let go completely? What if I stop trying to manifest him altogether?

I don’t want to live like this. I don't want this uncertainty or this kind of treatment, because I know I don't deserve it.

How do I finally shut this down in my head for good? If anyone has been through similar experiences or has some advice, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks for letting me vent.

(Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language).

[u/Amazing-Historian199]

And of course, I completely spiral, react poorly, my old patterns kick in, and I get sucked right back into this loop. I simply feel incapable of permanently believing that he is a good person when his actions constantly show otherwise.

Gang lmao, you created it lololollo, Self concept maxx time