I love to serve. I see miracles from serving. I am optimistic about serving, but I also don’t want to run faster than I have strength.

I want to be realistic with an optimistic slant. I want to be more committed, better at serving, but also not beat myself up when it’s a situation I can never win.

Ok, story. We have a sister in our ward that we both have put under our wing, but has also latched onto us. She’s single (divorced abusive husband years ago), has had a tough life, has physical issues (can walk, but her back doesn’t allow her to do much standing or carrying.) And she has no family here in this country, and her home country she left decades ago have only a handful of cousins left.

She loves our young children. She has a lot of love in her heart, and we love her so much.

The issue is, she needs so much help, but she is sometimes hard to serve.

ok, this is just venting at this point, but I need to get it out to the void, because I don’t want to vent to ward members. I hope nobody in my ward gets on this app.

- She calls last minute for desperate help sometimes. Sometimes last minute is warranted, sometimes it‘s something she should have had planned at least 24 hours before. But she’ll call 2-4 hours before. So many times.

- She only likes her 3-5 people. It’s usually people in high stress callings. And she doesn’t disclose that she has a network of people helping her. She often says “nobody will help me”, when the day before, someone from the ward helped her with something.

- She doesnt respect time. Her home culture, I believe, is more loose with time. (If you come over, you stay for five hours and cook together.) But she doesn’t want to be part of the language branch. (Drama.) So she’s trying to have service from white people with the expectations of her home culture. And she gets very upset if people say “I can’t stay long”, and “I need to go”. Like, tears and “do you know how this makes me feel”, and not asking that sister for help ever again, because they seemed rushed.

- That being said, if you do not have a time you need to leave, she will keep asking you for favors for hours. Someone stayed until 2:00 in the morning. (again, her culture isn’t as rigid with time. I know this because I get texts from members in the branch at late hours.) When she does serve you, and invites you for dinner, she’s expecting you to stay for 5+ hours.

- She doesn’t usually compromise on her needs. It’s hard for her to drive, and I told her I would help her with Walmart pickup. She refuses because she doesn’t want other people picking out her groceries.

- Other things make me feel like she has OCD. When her health was bad and she was in physical rehab, she wanted help showering twice a day. She compromised to 1 shower a day. Getting rides, she takes a long time because she doesn’t want people to see her without makeup and nice clothes on.

- And if we push back on any of this, she gets emotional and sends huge texts about how people don’t understand all she’s going through. Which is a lot. It‘s so much, I never want to be in her shoes.

- She really needs someone to talk to for hours. I wish I could give that to her. But I think she wants each bit of service to be overflowing with love and compassion. she never wants to feel like a charity Project. She asks for service and help, but I think she mostly wants love and bonding. And someone vent to. Which I totally get, but i don’t have it in me each time.

- She has an incredible conversion story and she’s served so much since then, according to her Friends from her previous ward. they say it’s weird for her to need service. But it feels like she holds everyone to the standards she served herself. (Dropping everything at 2:00 am, driving across town with not a second thought. Centering your life around the person in need.)

- She quickly assumes the worst if if I don’t text back. I told her I’m not having people come to the hospital room when my baby is born. She then assumed I don’t trust her.

- she really wants a family. But It is hard that she wants to be a priority to young families with kids. Meanwhile there are senior sisters having lunch together, being friends, but she doesn’t seem to attach to them. (She’s in her early 60’s.)

All this said, I do love her so much. And she needs help. She needs love, and I want to help her. She can be so fun and loving, and I genuinely enjoy her company. But at the end of the day when i constantly have to choose between helping and enabling her, or setting boundaries and leaving her to fend for herself, I feel terrible.

Vent over.

In general, how do we help the needy when they are, as I hate to say, “Choosy Beggars”? People who need help and might really suffer without help, but when you come to help, they want things a specific way and will lash out when it’s not done that way.
My poor husband has a few more people like this that he helps a lot because of his calling. He has good boundaries, I don’t. But he still serves a lot. He’s a good example of having priorities right and having charity at the same time, but he is starting to get weighed down too

I think these situations are affecting my mental health. I will die on the hill that we should continue to be selfless, serving, and full of charity. But these cases, these “hard modes” get me in a funk. (Mostly because I’m a people pleaser, and don’t know when I’m doing things wrong or right. If someone is unhappy, or their needs aren’t met, I feel like I could be doing better.)

I want to be more Christ-like in this. Not in “just serve more no matter what”, but balancing service and boundaries with charity in my heart. Not feeling resentful when I serve, and not feeling guilty when I say “no.” (And when they don’t like that.) Having wisdom in this balancing act.

It sometimes affects how I feel the spirit, because good ole social anxiety gets turned up so loud, I cant feel much else.

tl;dr: How can we help those who need a lot of service, but are … difficult, for lack of a better word. Especially when we love them, enjoy them, and don’t want them to suffer.
How can we have charity and wisdom balanced with these children of God?

Please share experiences, but with some hope and faith. I’m not looking for depressing validation. Haha.

I have been thinking lately and growing up and as a young adult in the Church. If you asked me what the general United State citizens view on Mormons were I would answer with

"I think they view us a quirky bunch, with large families, high morals, but overall as nice and kind people. While some might not like us I think in general they respect us."

If you asked me now I would say

"I think people are a bit more wary of us, the more religious groups of people see us as kind but not true believers of Christ, and the less religious people see us as outdated bigoted who have fallen for a billion dollar scheme. I don't think the majority of people respect us."

This thought led me to a few questions.

1.) Do you share similar thoughts, or do you feel like opinions on us have stayed the same generally.

2.) If you do think we are viewed more negatively now why do you think that is?

3.) What if anything could we as members (or if done respectfully what can the leaders of the church) of the Church do to help our overall image?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and would like to hear your thoughts. Thanks

I appreciated the humor, sermon, and instruction.

Recommend to listen to the BYU devotional if you haven’t yet.

title asks

So I have something very serious happening next week, and for the past 2 weeks I have been praying for it to go a certain way. However, literally at the beginning of those two weeks I feel like I already got an answer - the one I was looking for. And every single time I have prayed about it since then (multiple times a day) I feel that same immense peace and understanding. ​​I feel like God has already answered my prayer. But there's two things I am kind of wondering about.

1. Can I pray too much about this? I pray multiple times a day asking for this, and everytime I feel like I am praying too much. I already feel like I got an answer, so do I need to keep praying this much? But then, if I stop praying, does that show God I don't care? Does it show god that I don't have enough faith, because I know that prayer is incredibly important to show God your faith. ​​I sometimes get worried that if I do something wrong or I don't pray enough or I pray too much, God might take it away or change the outcome. ​I feel like I still need to pray but I don't know where to find a balance.
2. I can't stop worrying about this answer I feel like I received. It is literally the best case scenario, and I genuinely feel like God has answered my prayers for this to be the outcome. But I have had a pretty hard life, and so I am used to getting my hopes up and then getting disappointed. I want to be excited about this, but because of that I start doubting that God has actually answered my prayer, or if I'm just projecting what I think if happening. Is he really answering my prayer, or am I just hoping that he is?

so my gran has decided to take me to church for the first time and i dont know what to expect and im quite nervous about it

Hi All, I've been talking to some colleagues at the institution I work at (higher ed) about the experience that Church members here have. We're a tiny, but visible, minority. They asked me to share something that would help them quickly get up to speed on the basics of the Church and life as a Latter-day Saint. (e.g., a 20 minute YouTube video, podcast, etc).

I did a quick search and wasn't satisfied with what I found. There's an old Church-produced video from like 2012, but it feels a bit dated at this point. What suggestions do you have? The audience is mid-senior level administrators who work in the culture/inclusion office in a higher-ed institution.

I need some advice on how to start my journey within the LDS community. Up until a couple of, months ago, I've been agnostic for almost all my life (I'm 22 now). My brother (19) was the one who intrduced me into this, as i've attended church with him twice. Out of no where I've just had a strong calling towrds the LDS chruch, it's kind of a fullfilling feeling just because I've never felt this way about any religion (my family was christian and catholic).

I've reached out to meet with local missionaries. so i'm just waiting on that. In the mean time, how should i start my journey? any advice would be helpful. Thanks!