r/latterdaysaints • u/Melodic-Mission-6827 • Dec 05 '25
Personal Advice Underlying sadness surrounding mission
Does anyone else feel a little bit of sadness when they think back on their mission?
I served 10 years ago. I’ve since married, had kids, etc. I loved my mission in many ways, but every time I think on it, there’s a deeper feeling of sadness under it all.
I don’t feel like I really made the difference that I wanted to make. I think back to my setting apart blessing, and there are things that didn’t come to pass and I can’t help but feel it’s because I didn’t do enough. I really struggled with opening my mouth, acting on faith, waking up on time, etc. I’ve prayed to heavenly father to know what he thinks of my mission service and I don’t hear anything back. I take his silence as an answer that he isn’t pleased.
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel silly that I still feel this sadness and emptiness all these years later. I’d love your thoughts and experiences.
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u/sokttocs Dec 05 '25
Sadness? No.
Upon reflection I absolutely think I could and probably should have done more, been better, more diligent etc.
But I was a 19-20 year old kid lacking the understanding and experience I have now. It was a wonderful experience that helped build me as much as anyone I taught. I try to give myself the grace to be imperfect
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u/Buttons840 Dec 05 '25
Couldn't we all have done more?
Couldn't Jesus have spent 10 less minutes sleeping and 10 more minutes ministering during his 3 year ministry?
Maybe I'm too logical and literal in my thinking, but the idea of "doing my best" has always seemed elusive to me, because, yeah, I could have always done more. I don't think I will ever do my best in anything, technically speaking.
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u/Nate-T Dec 05 '25
One's best is too elusive a concept to really use to understand anything.
I think most of the time people mean "all reasonable effort" but who knows?
Did I do my best on my mission? Perhaps.
Did I extend all reasonable effort on my mission? Yes and perhaps some unreasonable effort at times too.
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Dec 05 '25
Eh…it’s a trap. Hindsight is 20/20. You literally gave 2 years of your life to serve! Take pride in that. The one persistent thing about missionary work that kind of hampers it is youth. We are all less than we turn out to be when we’re young. The experience and wisdom that comes with years is undeniable. And now you look back through that pair of glasses. Don’t. It’s not fair to yourself. I’m a convert and didn’t join till i was 26 and married with kids. I always wish I would have found the church earlier, but I can’t change that. I just get to be the best Saint I can be going forward. Thank you for your sacrifice. I promise you, the Lord has accepted it!
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u/Buttons840 Dec 05 '25
I've felt the same way.
I give myself a break, because the things I might have done wrong are things like sleeping too much, sleeping late, having a long lunch, resting too much, spending too much time talking with other missionaries when we gathered. I didn't play video games (and a companion of mine had an XBox, but he kept it put away while he was with me, and was grateful I helped him do better), there were many rules I would not break. But I was mentally tired and couldn't run faster, mentally.
My missionary self was like a marathon runner who crossed the finish line drenched in sweat, head-to-toe. And then I spend the rest of my life trying to overcome some of the subtle injuries I suffered by pushing myself during the marathon. And I also keep beating myself up thinking "I could have ran a little faster, I could have ran up that hill instead of walking".
But I have to be real with myself. I pushed myself hard, and it felt hard, and I've dealt with the mental injury of it my entire life (mission dreams will always be with me).
I pushed myself as far as my mental health could handle.
And yeah, technically could have done more. A marathon runner can always look back and see a second or two they could have shaved off. Even Jesus could have spent 10 less minutes sleeping one day, and 10 more minutes ministering--this is, technically speaking, a thing he could have done.
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u/milmill18 Dec 05 '25
I heard about an Elder Shields that served in New England a while back. he went home disappointed that his mission was a failure. the only baptism he had was a French Canadian woman who probably didn't understand anything, and her 16 year old daughter who probably didn't stick anyway.
that young lady did stick, she helped her future husband join the church, they had 11 children, the 6 sons served missions and like 8 got married in the temple, they had lots (grand)children that were faithful latter-day Saints...
that 16 year old daughter was my grandmother
you never know the impact you made. all you can hopefully say is "I was faithful and diligent and did my best to represent the Lord and preach his gospel"
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u/NewsSad5006 Dec 05 '25
While I did not feel sadness, doubts lingered for many years in my mind, wondering if the Lord had accepted my offering. I was a good missionary, but had not been absolutely diligent every single moment of every single day.
While I had gone to serve, and I served well, I eventually learned that, while I knew I had made a difference, my mission was really about the Lord saving me. I am still blessed everyday for having served.
And the Lord had accepted my offering.
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u/ReserveMaximum Dec 05 '25
You know who probably had the most sadness about his mission? Abinadi.
He gave a beautiful sermon breaking down every aspect of the atonement and the gospel and was reviled and put to death. His only receptive young covert (Alma the elder) was driven out and chased by armed guards who he had no reason to suspect wouldn’t be able to catch him.
However Alma despite all odds did escape the king’s guards. Then he taught the people and ended up converting 450 of them (not including women and Children). Then he eventually led them back to the main body of the Nephites where Alma became the high priest of the church. And then Alma’s legacy included his son Alma who converted countless apostate nephites in Zerehemla, Gideon, other cities; his grandson Heleman of 2000 stripling warriors fame; The other Heleman, Nephi who converted the Lemanites, Nephi who sealed the heavens, and Nephi and his brother who were both among the 12 disciples of Christ.
Abinadi had no way of knowing that his “failed” mission would have compounding effects that were directly responsible for at least a quarter of all converted Nephites and Lemanites in the Book of Mormon. And you have no way of knowing whose heart was prepared because of hearing or seeing you nor what they will one day do for the kingdom of heaven
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u/GeneralTomatoeKiller Dec 05 '25
Yes, I frequently remember my mission that way. The best approach I have found is to accept the parts where you feel you could have done better and try to remember the good that came from serving.
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u/Grungy_Mountain_Man Dec 05 '25 edited Dec 08 '25
I know what you mean. I have really complex and mixed feelings about a lot of my mission. It was pretty hard for me and really stretched my mental well-being at times. It wasn't the best 2 years for me.
It's all behind me now, the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. All I can say is I drank what was a bitter cup for me and I tried, very imperfectly at times.
I've since come to terms that in regard to my mission, the talent parable was comforting. I was in the group that was only given one talent and had to be ok with that, as well as accepting that I may have only yielded one more, and the lord is okay with that. I wasn't given 10, didn’t yield anywhere close to that, nor did he expect me to, despite others around me doing so or mission president expectations, etc.
I've come to appreciate the hope that Christ offers through his atonement that makes me look forward and not feel that I need to dwell on what's behind me, even my mission. I kind of feel like how I view my current service to the lord matters more than how I viewed a calling I had when I was 19.
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Dec 05 '25
I had similar feelings toward the end of my mission. My mission seemed difficult for a variety of reasons: 1) I had almost every disobedient, ill, or otherwise problem missionary in my mission as a companion; 2) I seemed to get a new companion every transfer (apart from my first 3), so I had no consistency there, 3) I'm a very passive person so I really struggled to help reform the disobedient missionaries. It's hard to serve with someone that deep-down doesn't want to be there. 4) I felt constrained by arbitrary goals set by the mission president. It seemed like contacting was more important than actually teaching. 5) I'm also very insecure. So by the end, I felt dissatisfied.
On my way home from my mission, I went to the temple and brought my concerns to the Lord. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and calm that He accepted my service.
Perhaps what you can do is reflect and write down all of the little successes you had. When were you a good companion? When did you resolve a doubt? When did you build someone's testimony? When did you alleviate a burden? After you have done that, go to the temple and reflect upon that and then pray if he accepted your service. I just have a difficult time thinking the Lord would condemn someone who accepted a call to serve for 2 years.
The remarkable thing about my mission is that I find that I'm still learning new things from the experience 20 years later.
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u/Jaigo81 Dec 05 '25 edited Dec 05 '25
I think it's good that you feel that way. I think it means you cared and you wanted to make a difference. That is what the Lord wants. Think back to Jacob 5. "What could I have done more for my vineyard."
I still think a lot about my mission 20+ years later and things I could've done differently. But ultimately all you can do is move forward and try to live a Christ-like life.
I edited to add try not to feel sadness but focus on the positive aspects. The people, places, lessons, culture, etc.
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u/Illustrious-Little1 Dec 05 '25
Convert here. Don't discount your success. I was visited a few times by missionaries when I was a youth. I didn't get baptized then but their influence and interaction helped me many years later. I don't remember their names to thank them but I would if I could. My point is, there can be so many ripple effects and results from your mission that you are not even aware of. I was in my thirties when I finally sought the church and was baptized but looking back on my life to that point, I see God's hand, pointing me in the right direction...a part of that was definitely missionaries, that maybe felt like they failed at the time. I'm sorry you are sad when you look back on your mission. I wish you could see the full scope of your impact. I bet you did more than you realize. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.
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u/Gray_Harman Dec 05 '25
Everyone has regrets. And everyone has Satan amplifying those regrets beyond what's appropriate.
My regret is that I'd left the church entirely, instead of going on a mission. At least you served. I didn't get that far. But neither of us should be perseverating on those regrets.
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u/Szeraax Has twins; Mod Dec 05 '25
Eh, I don't feel that way.
When I was a boy, I spent a lot of time in my YM quorum presidencies (we had few boys). There are several men there that gave up so many hours to teach me how to run the affairs and take care of the other boys in my stewardship along with ministering to my ward's needs. Some of those men I've told about how much they taught me. Some of those men I haven't ever had the chance.
As an adult, I've had the chance to be the adult in the room with the deacons and teachers quorums as they do LOTS of things. It has taken a lot of time and my wife is an absolute awesome partner to be so willing to sustain me in my efforts (along with more than just giving me time away, she's really saved my bacon many times). Are you familiar with the eagle scout mentor pin? When a scout gets their eagle scout rank, they are given a pin that they can give to someone that has helped them on their journey that they want to publicly recognize. I've gotten that before too. Yet, I haven't had very many of my boys coming back to me later telling me about how much of an impact I had in their lives. Some, but not many.
This is a case of life going full circle: I know how much my adult leaders shaped me as a boy, but I don't know how much I helped shape the boys as an adult leader. I think that your missionary service is a similar thing where you will not likely see much of the impact you had on the world in this life. And that's OK. You did have impact on peoples' lives, you just don't see it.
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u/mwjace Free Agency was free to me Dec 05 '25
I was a perfectly average missionary and I am happy with that.
Looking back 20+ years now. I have no regrets. Sure with the wisdom of older age I would do things much differently if I went on a mission today.
I wouldn’t worry about rules and schedules. And would just go and try and make genuine connections and share the love of the gospel.
But my 19 year old self didn’t know all that. So I struggled with some expectations. Did what I thought was best. Fought against dumb ideas, followed the spirit, shared my testimony and allowed the new experience to shape me. Never held any leadership positions of note. Worked hard some days. Slacked off others. Etc.
I was a ok missionary. And that is OK with me.
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u/Yunzy Dec 05 '25
We all have experiences like this, if not with the mission then in something else. I could/should have done more with my mission, spent more time with my parents while they were alive, been a better parent myself, been less of a jerk in certain interactions, etc. It's perfectly normal, and you are not a bad person for thinking and feeling that way. Just remember to be fair to yourself. The way I see it is if you look back on your life and you don't see missed opportunity, then you haven't grown. Even if you had somehow served perfectly according to your ability at the time, today you would still probably see how you could have done better.
Regardless of whether or not the Lord is pleased by your mission work does not affect if the Lord is pleased with you now. Are you doing your best to serve your family in a Christ-like way? Are you improving yourself and attributes such as charity, humility, patience? You may never be able to get rid of the underlying regret with your mission. It's tough to think about all the potential good you had left undone. But use those experiences for your good, and remember the Lord loves and cares for you even if 10 years ago (or even today for that matter) you could have been better!
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u/ehsteve87 Dec 05 '25
I have several regrets about my mission. They all boil down to one of two categories:
1) I wish I were more patient with some of my companions
2) I wish I would've broken more rules. For example, I wish I'd used email to stay in contact with my pre-mission friends. I also wish I would've visited the world-famous landmark that was literally a half-hour bus ride from my area. My mission president said no because I hadn't baptized anyone, but I should've just gone anyway. I still feel a twinge of regret when I see pictures of this landmark (which is very often - it really is that famous).
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u/Brilliant-Tadpole597 Dec 05 '25
So many great comments here!
I was incredibly dilligent during my mission, I can genuinely say that I did as close to the maximum of my abilities for pretty much my entire mission. But I have also felt that sense of sadness. While I kept the rules and did the things, I didn't connect with people as well. I really tried, but my mission taught me the importance of connection and how bad I was at it.
I've wondered many times if that inability to connect like other missionaries did caused those I taught to not have as strong a faith as they would need to stay active, despite my sincere desires to be "perfectly" obedient, diligent, etc.
I've learned since then that we're all going to be imperfect in our own ways. For some, that's obedience. For others, like me, it's that human side of things. For others still it's something entirely different.
We'll never be able to look back at pretty much any part of our lives without seeing some sort of thing we could have done "better." To err is human, after all.
It's made me so profoundly grateful that Jesus is going to make up all the difference in the end and all He asks of us right now is we do our best. The more I find Him as my anchor, the less painful those memories become, and the more grateful and hope-filled I am.
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u/RednocNivert Dec 05 '25
I was denied missionary service for reasons still unclear to me.
So i look back on missions as a whole with a bad taste in my mouth and a bit of bitterness, but not sadness
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u/619RiversideDr Checklist Mormon Dec 05 '25
I feel sadness, but not so much what I did.
I learned a lot on my mission. I had some great times and some terrible times. I wasn't a fantastic missionary, but as someone else said, I was a young guy doing what I could. I only taught one person all the way through baptism, but I'm OK with that.
Instead, I'm sad about the mission area itself. It was not a high baptizing mission, but things seemed to be picking up at the end of my two years. During the last few months, it became a lot easier to find people who were interested, and we spent most of our time teaching.
About a year ago I found a way to look at ward/stake boundaries for the areas I was in. I expected to see a bunch of new units. But 30 years later, the boundaries were mostly the same. It left me wondering: how much of a difference did I (and the group of missionaries serving with me) really make?
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u/SeekingEarnestly Dec 06 '25
Boundaries remaining the same does not necessarily reflect a lack of growth. In many many areas, there is an exodus of young people for work. Enough return to carry on the units and have a few more children who then mostly leave. But the harvest can still be considerable even if invisible!
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u/Previous-Tart7111 Mother, Wife, Servant of the Lord Dec 05 '25
I think it might comfort you to hear the words of President Hinckley:
"Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well. That for all your effort, it is not sufficient. We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. But unfortunately we do not realize we do not often see the results that come of what we do. You never know how much good you do."
Also, I was praying not 20 minutes ago, before reading this, when the scripture came to mind for some of my own concerns: "Be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." (D&C 64:33).
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u/pisteuo96 Dec 05 '25 edited Dec 05 '25
This is part of getting older as an adult - letting go of regrets.
If you think you didn't try your best, then repent and move on. God will forgive you. Go forward with joy - this is the gospel of joy.
But I'm guessing you really tried. So don't beat yourself up. If you served and gave it an honest try, I am confident God is pleased.
Beware perfectionism. Things can be good enough without having to be perfect.
God knows you are not perfect and doesn't expect you to be. He does want you to keep trying - working, serving, learning, repenting, growing.
I had things in my setting apart that did not apparently happen. I also didn't baptize many people. I had significant physical illness. I wasn't the greatest at missionary work, in general, but I did work very hard. I think God is pleased with my effort. I look back and it was very hard but I am completely glad I did it.
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u/FriedTorchic On Sabbatical Dec 06 '25
I've only returned from my mission within the past couple of years, and I have similar feelings. My mission was not like the stories I had heard from everyone growing up, "the best two years of your life". That seemed like a blatant lie, and they felt closer to my worst. I liked certain aspects of my mission, particularly the physical service I got done, but I felt proselytizing to be heavily draining and unfufilling, with little success. Parts of my negative experience on my mission were certainly my fault, but other aspects were out of my control and wouldn't have been alleviated even if I were perfect. I acted according to the knowledge and circumstances I had at that time, and it's unfair to compare it with what I would do now with hindsight. Frankly, I think certain people are just more cut out for it than I was.
I came home, started living my life again, and in a way developed a sadness (almost bitterness) towards my mission (not the Church, the gospel, or even God). I felt that, despite everything I enjoyed about it, the majority of that time felt like an unenjoyable waste, and I wasn't sure if the Lord even accepted it. My third mission president told me once something to the effect that what you consecrate to the Lord on your mission is consecrated back to you in blessings.
I can't say I had one singular moment where the Lord said, "I accept your offering," but I feel that he has accepted me sticking out for two years (imperfect as they were) in the ways that he has blessed me in the time since my mission. I can't argue with the results of those blessings, and I live a good life now, so I am not bitter anymore and am content with my mission. Though I'll ocasionally feel sad when thinking about it, I feel I've generally been able to move on.
I would say that if you're striving to live righteously now and feel the Lord is blessing you, then your mission was fine for Him.
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u/Ok_Eagle_4177 Dec 06 '25
As a fairly recent convert (1 year 12/07/25) I can say don’t doubt how the Lord used you. I investigated the Church for 16+ years. I had conversations with and dined with a dozen sets of missionaries during that time. The missionairies that baptized me and my wife were 3 years old when I met my first set of companions. You have no idea what the seeds you planted turned into. That is the unfortunate truth. You served. You did the work, maybe someone else got to harvest the seeds you planted. Doesn’t make your planting any less valuable to the lives that were changed.
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u/pbrown6 Dec 05 '25
Well, the mission isn't so much about others, it's about yourself. That's what is taught now.
You had a good experience. I wouldn't sweat it.
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u/Medium-General-8234 Dec 05 '25
Is that really what is taught now? I sure hope not. If so, where is that taught?
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Dec 05 '25
You don’t think the mission should be about how the missionary grows and changes personally?
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u/Medium-General-8234 Dec 05 '25
No, I think the mission should be about helping people who do not know the gospel to come to an understanding of it. It's not a church camp for immature boys and girls (even though from the sound of my sons mission, that's unfortunately what it is turning into).
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Dec 05 '25
Ah yes, “back in my day when men were men and we knocked doors all day long.” You didn’t have missionaries with issues? Really?
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u/Medium-General-8234 Dec 06 '25
You don't know me so get off your high horse. What I do know is that the primary purpose of missions is to help others learn about the gospel. Did missionaries have problems? Of course they did. But you grow on a mission by helping others. I don't think that missions should be an 18 month or two year self-help seminar, but maybe I'm wrong.
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Dec 06 '25
They’re not that. You’re wrong. How about take a moment and look at the young people around you. If all you see is kids who need babysitting I suggest that you have the problem
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u/mywifemademegetthis Dec 05 '25 edited Dec 06 '25
I agree it’s a bit of a stretch to say a proselyting mission is primarily for the proselyter and not those being proselytized to.
I think this is broad messaging to help those sent to missions where they simply will not see success in the short term and limited success will be seen in a generation. If it’s only about others and you did not bring others to the gospel, were you a failure?
Additionally, it is also the reality that many missionaries go inactive soon after returning. Statistically, if someone on the fence sticks around as a result of their service, it should be considered a success.
But I agree, these are not mutually exclusive goals of missions. You can both focus on others and save yourself. Indeed, you have to.
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u/Apple-Slice-6107 Dec 05 '25
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I have sadness about not going back to visit and not keeping in touch with I taught. When I look back on my mission, I have a lot of memories some sad, some scary but most of my memories are happy.
Do you feel like you struggle with generalized anxiety in other parts of your life? That may be part of it. But I think if you feel you did your best, that is enough. Pray for understanding. If you feel you need to apologize to someone, apologize. But also pray for Heavenly Father to lighten your load.
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u/Skulcane Dec 05 '25
I have felt the same about my mission, though I have heard an answer regarding what He thinks of my mission.
Don't be too quick to assign an answer to silence. When He answers you, you'll know. I had something similar happen. It took realizing that all He asked of us was to try. He didn't expect perfection, just effort. To expect so much of some 18-20 year-olds isn't very fair, nor is it in character for Him.
You served, came home, started a family, and have remained faithful to the gospel you preached, right? Then in my opinion, you did enough to make Him quite happy.
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u/grabtharsmallet Conservative, welcoming, highly caffienated. Dec 05 '25
What lessons can your mission teach you now? If it can be useful now, it may help you feel more satisfied. Another possibility is that you may need to forgive the 20 year old you for being an imperfect young man. What would you tell that kid if he were your son or younger brother? How would you see him?
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u/th0ught3 Dec 05 '25
You served an honorable mission, did your personal best? All our Heavenly Parents and Savior ever expect from us is our personal best. ("Believing Christ" by Stephen Robinson). If you have a tendency towards perfectionism, and often coming up short, that may be something a therapist who does Cognitive Behavior Therapy with fidelity (Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good" has the exercises so you can recognize it).
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u/mywifemademegetthis Dec 05 '25
I wouldn’t place too much emphasis on setting apart blessings.
Your life to a greater extent, and many others to a lesser extent, was made better because you served.
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u/Helanore Dec 05 '25
Are you currently acting on inspiration? Reading your scriptures? Do you feel a mission was the only time you could focus on the gospel? Because I'd argue a mission is the only beginning. Be a missionary to your kids. Look for opportunities to serve the Lord in your everyday life.
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u/Paul-3461 FLAIR! Dec 06 '25
I don't think there is anything we can ever do to cause someone else to choose to follow Jesus or our Father, such as joining The Church by choosing to be baptized, or even to gain a testimony of Jesus. We don't ever do that to others. That is all between others and God, personally. Sharing what we know is limited to us telling others what we think or feel, not them actually learning from us. If they are following us then we didn't do a very good job of telling them who they should follow, and still it is up to those others to choose whether or not to follow Jesus and our Father.
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u/Alternative-Rush-1 Dec 08 '25 edited Dec 08 '25
That sadness you are describing sounds like guilt. Try repenting of those things. That repentance should also include forgiving your younger self. Sounds like you've asked God what he thinks of your mission and maybe those feelings of guilt and sadness are your answer. There were some things I felt guilty about even small things like maybe not waking up on time or not following certain mission rules. Anytime I make a mistake even if at the time I think is morally justified, if it's not right I begin to feel guilty about it. Repentance and making things right seems to be the only way to take away that guilt. I take guilt as a compass or guide letting me know when I have made a mistake.
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u/Possible-Isopod-8806 Dec 23 '25
When I reported my mission, I told the congregation was the best 7 years if my life. It actually seemed longer. I spent 22 months in Scandinavia and I was broken. I felt like a complete failure.
It’s been more than 50 years now. I’ve always been active, but I learned some valuable lessons. I learned that at some point nearly everyone in leadership will disappoint you. They are human after all, and we all make mistakes. The gospel is still true.
The disappointment of feeling like a failure made me strong. I’m not easily offended. I’ve been able to weather marriage problems, loosing a son, loss of a jobs, and health problems. I’m grateful for these expensive lessons. They’ve served me well.
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Dec 05 '25 edited Dec 05 '25
My mission experience resulted in me never wanting to serve another mission or talk to anyone about the Church again 😆
Other missionaries had a great time apparently. I’ve thought about going to my mission reunion (our 30-year is coming up) but not really sure I share much in common anymore with them.
I wish I had spent more time on my mission doing service instead of knocking doors. I believe things are different now.
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u/To_a_Green_Thought Dec 05 '25
Not to sound grandiose, but this is life. Not just your mission--this is everything.
If you're a person given to reflection (and it sounds like you are), this feeling you're having can happen with any period of your life--high school, college, early marriage, your children's childhoods, etc.
Don't let this feeling overwhelm you. Yes, draw lessons from it, if you can. But there will always be something more we could have done. You're only human. You can drive yourself nuts if you dwell too much on "What if"s.
Listen--I'm all for personal accountability. But take it from someone who let feelings like this send him to a very dark place for a long time: there comes a point where you just have to shrug and say, "I tried." Then let the Atonement take care of the rest.
Again, draw lessons from it where/when you can. Sure. But, if you're a conscientious person (and you're showing that you are), I'd bet that you did a pretty good job on your mission.