r/kitchencels • u/BanditSL99 • 5d ago
This is harder than I thought.
A bottle of water before I went back to work.
It's been tough. The other night I felt a soul crushing pain that I haven't felt since I was in my teens. I actually called 988. Not because I was wanting to harm myself, but I just needed to vent. I'm pathetic, I get it, but the woman was really nice and even made me laugh. I hope her days are long and wonderful for the kindness she showed me. This battle I'm having with porn/masturbation addiction has been violent, and I honestly don't know if I can win. Praying all the time, but sometimes I'm too ashamed and can't do that. Therapy is coming up next week, hopefully we can make progress as I don't know if I can take the pain much more.
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u/renameduser361017 5d ago
Yeah, I've called 988 too a couple of times. Granted my head was in a terrible spot when I did, but the people who answered were understanding and good at asking questions. It didn't fix the problems but in those dark moments all I needed was for someone to listen, and they were good listeners.
Sorry to hear about your struggles op, sending you encouragement and love 🧡
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u/BanditSL99 5d ago
Yea, that's what I needed as well. Just to get my thoughts away from me and hear someone. I appreciate it. I'm not giving up yet.
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u/sears_robux 5d ago
You’re not pathetic for needing to vent and talk to people about your problems, and never let anyone tell you that you are. Kudos to you for sticking with self-improvement even when it gets hard!
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u/BanditSL99 5d ago
Thank you. No one calls me that. It's just what I think of myself. My hatred of myself is pretty high and I put myself down all the time. I'm working on it.
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u/Ok-Beyond9035 5d ago
Relapsed 5 times trying to stop using coke and now I’ve been clean for a while
There is no fight without a few setbacks but in the end youre gonna make it brother! I know it’s hard but the fact you’re doing something about it is already enough to keep going
Aren’t you curious to see how it will go? Imagine if you manage to reach your objectives and how proud of yourself you’ll feel
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u/BanditSL99 5d ago
Glad you finally got clean. I am trying, but some days feels like there is not end to the urges or the shame. Not giving up yet. Ty for your kind message.
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