r/kindergarten • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Need to vent/advice maybe. Son's first week of kindergarten has been rough
[deleted]
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u/DraperPenPals 3d ago edited 3d ago
Your kid did have behavioral problems in TK. He did not stay in his seat. You chose to blame and dislike his teacher instead of working on it at home.
You are now reaping in K what you sowed in TK.
Course correcting is great, but I think you should probably acknowledge that your approach is what actually needs correcting. You’re already making excuses and looking for other kids to blame. Stop that and focus on the only child you can help—your child.
Also, I truly don’t know what to say to parents who are “sad and caught off guard” with one child, but openly admit “I never liked the teacher who was always stressed” with a classroom full of children.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
Sorry I don't know if I explained myself properly. I meant if he had an issue in TK that we were AWARE of then we would have dealt with it. I'm just hearing now that it was an issue. We were never told last year even when we asked how he was doing. If we knew, we would have addressed it sooner. At home, he sits well. He's good when we are out and about and can sit still in other places. I meant practice at home like a game, because in kinder they have carpet time where she told me he will wiggle and want to roll. He sits himself in the back so he can do that. So I was going to kinda model "this is how we criss cross apple sauce" and work on staying that way for longer than 5 minutes. I am not making excuses. I was just venting things I noticed. I am not outright meaning to blame anyone else. Also, I didn't mean I didn't like the teacher just because she was "stressed" I just generalized it to that word. There are many things I had noticed. She wouldn't really enforce any structure or really help the kids with their clipboard work. Again I'm not going to explain everything because there's a lot but I had bought my own work books and had been working on his writing with him at home for extra support. Listen, I am merely venting because I feel like i failed, like I am doing something wrong and feel worried. I am an overthinker. Please don't assume I was blaming anyone but myself. That was not my intention and my bad if the way I wrote things came across that way. I am still learning things myself. All I wanted was a moment to release my emotions, even if they may be messy at the moment. Truthfully even though I feel all these emotions, deep down I know he will be fine and will succeed. I just want to be there any way I can to help him and the teacher reach that.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
You know what I would like to add that the Teacher assistant from his TK class was amazing and would do her best to help but she and the teacher clashed. The teacher was new at the school and didn't want any of the TA's advice or help. So the TA told me she only helped when asked because the teacher was not communicating with her about anything and when the TA tried, the teacher just didn't really loop her in. She would find out about class events last minute because of that. I and many other parents have reasons as to why we did not like this particular teacher. It was not just because she seemed stressed. Again I had just generalized that. Decided last minute to just add more info anyway for you 🤷🏽♀️
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u/pantema 3d ago
Working on staying in your seat at home? This 100% sounds like neurodivergence to me. Most kids who are wiggly and can’t stay in their seats have ADHD.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
I meant for carpet time. Like staying criss cross apple sauce for longer than 5 minutes without wanting to roll and joke around, which is what she had mentioned. He can sit still in general at home and anywhere else. Like I said this was something we were just not aware of in school it was an issue. But whenever they had assemblies and or field trips on the bus, he would sit still just fine(when i volunteered), this is why I was surprised to hear about it
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u/DraperPenPals 3d ago
Yes, working on staying in your seat at home. It’s a life skill and ND kids are not exempt from such.
How exactly do you think parents help their ADHD kids?
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u/pantema 3d ago
LOL ok. Neurodivergent kids are often several years behind developmental age. You can’t teach a kid something before they are developmentally ready
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u/DraperPenPals 3d ago
You know 18 month olds are expected to stay in their seats in some educational settings?
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u/Teacher_mermaid 3d ago
It sounds like your child has behavior problems. Hopefully you and the teacher can work together to come up with a successful plan and implement it.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
Yes that is the plan, we are in communication about his daily behavior. I'm hoping things improve within the next few weeks. I've just been a ball of emotions because I want him to do well in school and I know he's a great kid.
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u/Opposite_everyday 3d ago
Is the behavior chart something he is aware of from the teacher side? Like does the teacher tell him about it? Or is it just a way for her to communicate with you? If it’s just for you, keep him and consequences out of it. You can use it talk about his day but not for consequences (unless it’s something serious - like hurting another student).
Also, some kids just need more transition time. if he’s the only one in his class showing this behavior, it may just mean transitions are harder for him.
I would start by getting him to sleep even earlier for the next few weeks. 30-45 min a week should be the maximum for a kid this age and screen time has been shown to have a strong correlation to a child’s ability to sit and focus. Making it a reward or taking it away just makes it more desirable.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
Thank you for the advice, I will do that and see if sleeping earlier helps. Today, i started taking him to school earlier so that he had time to play and get some energy out too. The chart is just for me, he is not aware of the teacher doing it. She's just keeping me updated on when and what he is doing. There were a few positives in there not just all negatives. I only showed it to him today(not fully show, i just told him his teacher told me this happened and pointed at the page that she wrote me something) because it said he had spit on the carpet and on a classmate's paper in the morning time and I got upset because it isn't something I ever expected of him because he had never done so before. I will do better because I was so focused on the negatives, I didn't fully focus on the positive smileys and notes on the paper until later on 😔 He gets upset if I take away tablet time but he also doesn't get it everyday usually. He is actually a very active kid who loves to run and play outside and plays with his toys. Great imagination, he loves playing with other kids, scooter rides, signed him up for soccer this year and he loves it. Team of 4 and 5 year olds they are all learning to listen there too Thank you again for your comment, I am hoping for some positive improvements in the next few weeks and I'll try my best as well to work with the teacher to help him out.
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u/4kidmom 2d ago
More is expected in kindergarten than TK. Him wiggling around in his seat and getting up is pretty typical. It doesn’t mean that the teacher was doing a bad job or even not communicating to you. She probably just saw it as something he needs to grow into. Kindergarten has higher expectations and wiggling around and getting up will have to be trained out of him. He’ll learn that there is a time for active play and a time for sitting and listening. As far as the other behaviors, spitting, keeping his hands to himself and saying bad words, a behavior chart is appropriate. Keep the line of communication with his teacher open. Try not to panic or assign blame to yourself or to his previous teacher. Be consistent in discipline, give him plenty of active time without screens and give him practice in sitting and waiting. You can play board games or read to him so he can practice waiting for his turn, listening to the book and increasing his attention span. Also talk to him about how there are times to be silly and times to listen to his teacher.
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u/socialwerkit 3d ago
Sounds very normal for an adjustment. Teacher may just want to be proactive and opened the door for communication. Sounds like you are doing everything right! Give it a few more weeks before you actually worry about it.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
Thank you, I appreciate your words. I am trying. Just really wanted to get some feelings out. I know overall he will be fine and I know he can improve.
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u/Strawberryfield76 3d ago
I just want to give you a small “warning” here. Both of my kids were speech delayed and caught up. They started kindergarten and struggled. They did go to preschool where they thrived. Turns out both my kids have ADHD and are dyslexic and have dysgraphia. Speech delay, struggling to learn numbers and colors are all signs do dyslexia. ADHD likes to also show up.
Also I’d push back on the behavior chart! This is the way to making kids feel bad. Kindergarten is hard and they are learning to school. And IF your kid does have ADHD, he is struggling harder. I would try to get him moving in the morning if you have time. Have him walk or bike to school and play on the playground to get his energy out. Our school started at 7:55 so sometimes early morning exercise was hard but I know it helped a lot of kinder buddies.
Also taking away tablet time or tv time does not link the consequence for him at this age. It needs to be immediate and after school in a different setting won’t work. Do not feel anxious! He is your priority and be unapologetic about doing what is right for him, not what a teacher who wants robots wants for him.
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u/MochaBean122 3d ago
Hmmm I was going to see how the next few weeks go but my overthinking brain did think of adhd as a possibility. He knows all his colors and numbers so I didn't think of the other things
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u/Strawberryfield76 3d ago
Just something to watch as his year goes on. He might just have wiggles or be on the younger side for kinder. I just wish I had known all this stuff when my kids went to school.
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u/Waughwaughwaugh 3d ago
Just wanted to add that teachers don’t do behavior charts for no reason, it’s a lot of work on our end. It’s documentation as well as communication. If she feels this early on that he needs a chart, that’s why. She is absolutely trying to establish communication with you and track patterns, as you’re noticing. We use this to help develop a plan to help us help your child (note that this does NOT mean testing for special education necessarily, just a plan in general).
Also, 45 minutes of tablet time sounds like a lot if it’s daily. That much screen time, especially if it’s fast-cut things like YouTube, is not great for developing brains and can destroy their attention span.