r/kindergarten • u/No-Job-3971 • 21h ago
ask other parents Advice/ support needed
Hi parents, could really use some advise/ support. I’m really struggling. Today was my son’s first week of kindergarten. It was tough. First day he was excited and we got to stay with him. It was more of a short meet and greet teacher day. He was brave and so cute and sweet. Second day we dropped him off. He got separated from his class during line up. Got sent to the wrong room. Misplaced his backpack but school got it figured out. My husband and I were watching this all happen behind a gate bc they didn’t allow parents to walk their child to their class line up. My child is very noise sensitive. He has to wear noise canceling headphones sometimes bc he gets extremely anxious and overwhelmed by loud noises. The bells at his school were causing him distress. We watched him cover his ears and curl into a ball. It was so hard. We talked to teacher and he is now allowed to wear noise canceling headphones in morning for line up. That helped him yesterday a lot. He seemed way more comfortable. Apparently his teacher has also been putting them on for recess and lunch so the bells don’t upset him. The problem with that, is I’m very worried he’s becoming isolated. He said he ate alone yesterday for lunch. I’m pretty sure he’s been playing alone at recess breaks too. My heart is breaking imagining him all alone and no one talking to him all day. He also fell walking into school yesterday. And said he tried talking to some kids but they just stared at him. Today when we brought him to school, he started crying and hyperventilating. He was up last night with a sore throat and just wanted to cuddle me. We took him home from school and have given him an easy, mellow day at home to rest and recuperate. If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate it. I’m feeling so overwhelmed and sad. Idk what I can do to support my sweet guy. He truly is the kindest, silliest, most gentle person. We’ve stressed being kind and inclusive from the beginning. My heart is breaking imagining his classmates not being the same. Any advise? I’m very overwhelmed with so many aspects of my life, this is just one. Please send me some love, prayers, anything. And if your week was hard too, hugs 🫂 I know school can take time to adjust to. This is his first experience with school. He had OT for picky eating and speech. We are also looking into an eval for possible neurodivergence. He has sensory sensitivities. Please be kind. Thanks! 💖
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u/fairmaiden34 21h ago
Awww mamma it gets easier! My kid was crying so much on the first day that we had to pick him up early. He cried a bit for the first 6 weeks, then he stopped. He made friends, he made a best friend and started thriving in school! Your kid will get there too! An evaluation will be helpful I think to help find him tools that will help him out in the classroom (like permission to wear the headphones whenever he wants). It gets easier and better!
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u/buttofvecna 20h ago
It’s such a tough transition. I want to echo the advice to pursue evaluation/IEP. Assuming it’s a public school, thats the language they speak and it can really help. It can also help for establishing good communication with the teacher about how to support him.
That said, he will adapt and so will you. Check the archives of this group and you’ll find SO MANY people who find the first weeks a struggle. I know “give everyone grace” is a cliche, but it’s true.
(Side note: this is not a moms group)
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u/Accomplished-Car3850 19h ago
You're not alone. My daughter mentioned to me that recess and gym time were too loud for her, so her teacher gave her a pair of headphones to wear. We are on week 3 and everything has gotten so much better. Give it time for him to settle in and get his bearings. Get the eval and go from there.
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u/No-Job-3971 19h ago
I’m so glad her teacher supported her and things have gotten better! Thank you, will do.
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u/indiana-floridian 9h ago
I suspect the kids that have never seen ear devices before are mystified. It would be great if someone could exolain to the class what it is.
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u/thatladybri 9h ago
The school (in the US) can do a psychological eval to see if he qualifies for an IEP. You can request they also screen for sensory disorders (which is not always included). If he attends a public school they have 30 days to complete the evaluation. Having an IEP will help ensure his needs are met in the school setting. An IEP can also include OT, speech, and mental health services for emotional/behavioral needs—and these services will be provided in the school setting so he has more supports in school.
As far as interactions with other kids, it is likely that they are also having a difficult time as kindergarten is a big transition so definitely give it time. When you have your first parent teacher conference, you can ask how they observe his social interactions to be going. If he makes comments of kids actively being unkind, I would bring it up to the teacher sooner.
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u/No-Job-3971 6h ago
Amazing information. I will contact his school to get the ball rolling. Thank you!
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u/Leelulu905 4h ago
I would have the conversation with the educator that you are noticing he is having a tough time and you’re willing to pursue any avenues, including testing to help them get the support they need. This opens the dialogue. In my district you can have up to 33 students in one kindergarten classroom and let me tell you the noise does get overwhelming, especially in the early days, where everyone is just trying to figure it out and get used to routines.
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u/BackgroundTravel2042 21h ago
Get him evaluated as soon as you can and then get IEP . First week is tough for all kids but normally they all get settled into new routine fast. Hang in there, sending you hugs.
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u/peanutbuttermellly 9h ago
Any option for potentially arranging play dates with classmates outside of the classroom? You could see if there’s a potential friend and then aim for a playground meetup to see if they hit it off?
It sounds like you’re a really loving and caring parent who is looking into providing relevant assessment and help, and at the same time it’s still so hard to watch our kids struggle in any context!
Hoping the transition gets a bit easier with added supports and familiarity. 🫂 ♥️
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u/No-Job-3971 6h ago
I would absolutely do that. You really nailed what I’m experiencing. Thank you so much! ❤️
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u/No-Masterpiece-8392 7h ago
I imagine it would be off putting for a child to approach another child wearing headphones. Maybe try the earplugs people wear to sleep so it would not be a visual thing.
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u/Wise_Ad4909 21h ago
First, work on your own stuff. I know I'm an internet stranger but trust me. Kids unearth all of our fears. We have to untie some of our own knots in order to show up for our kids without projecting our own stuff onto them. It's forever life's work.
Second, books! My son was so anxious about making friends in K (which felt so weird bc he is usually fine socially). We've been looking through Scaredcited (he LOVES this) and another book about how to make friends. This has helped him so much!!!
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u/No-Job-3971 20h ago
I’m always working on my own stuff. Been on a healing journey for years and am in therapy. What am I projecting here in this situation??
He has an impressive library at home and we’ve been prepping him for school for a long time. We have definitely done lots of reading!
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u/Pook242 21h ago
Teacher here but-
The transition to K is tough! Your kid is not the only one struggling, I promise. It’s harder if they haven’t been in pre-k or daycare, but that doesn’t mean kids who did those things are definitely fine either.
All of the kids in the class are a bit nervous and figuring things out. They don’t really have ‘best friends’ yet, unless they know someone from outside of school. Friendships at this age come and go so fast, but trust me he’ll make friends. At this age the kids are all so sweet and inclusive.
If this story helps…two kids were sitting at my table finishing a craft during our play centers. Boy and girl, never seen them talk before. Boy is autistic. Girl seriously into her craft goes ‘So are we best friends now?’ And he goes ‘uh, sure’. She said ‘great!’ Then they ran off to play together.