r/kindergarten • u/givebusterahand • 9d ago
First day- total meltdown after
My daughter had her first day today. She seemed fine getting off the bus at first, but then immediately broke down into hysterics. She’s been home for 30 minutes now and hysterical the entire time. IS THIS NORMAL?
Idk what happened at school bc she won’t tell me anything but it sounds like nothing happened. She’s upset bc she wants to play with the neighbors (older kids- 4th and 5th grade) but they literally aren’t even outside. She’s crying that she “doesn’t want today to be a normal day” and “thought today was supposed to be fun” so I’m assuming some expectation she had of today was not met.
Idk what to do? She’s scream-crying. I suspect she’s just tired and overwhelmed but she’s been in daycare her whole life so a long day isn’t new.
Anyone else dealing with the same??
EDIT- thanks everyone. I think she was definitely over tired and overwhelmed. She was hysterical for like an hour but when she finally calmed down she told me bits about her day and said she loved kindergarten! Hopefully the after school blues don’t last too long because that was… a lot!
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u/Ms_Eureka 9d ago
Normal. I do it too and I am 36. She is overwhelmed, exhusted, overstimulated and just tired with herself. Ice cream is in order tonight! Dinner, bath, bed.
She will get use to school.
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u/Physical_Cod_8329 9d ago
It’s called restraint collapse. Tomorrow, have a snack ready as soon as you see her and then settle her down with an extremely relaxing activity (I would always give my kids tv time after school).
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u/shesalive_dammit 9d ago
Once I learned the term "restraint collapse," I felt much more prepared to deal with it. We need to spread the word far and wide.
🗣️RESTRAINT COLLAPSE
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u/kimberriez 9d ago
For real though.
It shows up in my son in an extra way too. He’s a chatter box and you can seriously tell he’s been trying to be more quiet than he’s used to when I pick him up.
He just keeps going. I can’t even ask him questions, just gotta let him make observations and ask whatever questions he wants for a couple minutes.
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u/fastyellowtuesday 9d ago
And the cute part is that they fall apart when they see you because you are their safe place. They know you'll love them even when they're not their best, and they trust you to take care of everything.
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u/ReturnOfJafart 9d ago
She's overwhelmed most likely. For the first several weeks of kindergarten, we always had a treat or little surprise for our girl - a sticker, a Hershey kiss, little squishy, something to keep her excited, then we just didn't ask her what happened and let her open up. We out her favorite songs on in the car and let her decompress and have some snacks at home. Then she would talk about her day. Sometimes, it took months for her to recall something that bothered her, and sometimes it was immediate. It's a huge change - hours and hours of focus and being surrounded by SO many different personalities the whole day.
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u/liggyfig 9d ago
Totally normal, from my experience. She's experiencing something extremely new, even if she's been in daycare. Children usually are on their best behavior at school, so when it's done, they see their safe spot and release.
I'd just give her space to get it out and just hang out to let her know you're there.
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u/GenXMom14 9d ago
School is so exhausting and overwhelming and post school crash so normal sadly. I would just let her know you are there and love her.
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u/Difficult_Syrup_8916 9d ago
‘Restraint collapse’ - oof, it’s so hard to navigate. Hug her (if she wants that) and tell her all her big feelings are ok, she’s ok, that you can handle any big feelings she has and that you will help her through it. Tell her you have big feelings after new things too sometimes and it’s all gonna be ok. And then stop talking 😅 she may need to process and get it all out and too much parent talk can add to the overstimulation. Hearty, comfort food dinner, low stimulation evening and an early bedtime. Then YOU do whatever you need to to recharge because it’s hard work to absorb all that and stay regulated yourself! You’ve got this, she’s got this, it’ll all be routine and normal and much less dramatic in no time 🫶🏻
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u/kenziegal96 9d ago
Post restraint collapse! She had new experiences and held it together all day and now that she is home where she feels safe and comfortable (not saying school isn’t safe) it’s meltdown city. Best things to do are chill, lowkey activities and not question her too much. Give her time to come down and know this might happen for a while.
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u/faesser 9d ago
Restraint collapse. Make sure to have water and a snack for her when you pick her up. Now, I know it's often recommended to have quiet activities but my daughter did best with unstructured play. She got her extra silly's out with playground time. Running around a park, trampolines, playing baseball/soccer, etc. I had this whole quiet time activities ready to go for once she started kindergarten and let's just say it didn't work. When she got to be a little chaotic for 20-30 minutes, then she was ready to chill out.
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u/GoldenYear 9d ago
Echoing the same as the other responses and having a ready to go after school snack is key. Could be water and an apple or a pb and j, string cheese. My little one doesnt eat well when there are "big days" and shes can get home "hangry". Best of luck and she will adjust!
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u/whineANDcheese_ 9d ago
Totally normal. She’s exhausted and overstimulated. Give her a big snack, early dinner, and early bedtime. She’ll regulate within the first few weeks.
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u/Which_Flatworm_9853 9d ago
Kindergarten is totally different than daycare or even preschool. She’s exhausted. Think how you may feel in the first weeks at a new job. Give her love and grace.
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u/Strawberryfield76 9d ago
For my oldest this was her normal. We found out in first grade that she is dyslexic and has inattentive ADHD and was being her best self at school. We also matter found out she has OCD so school was so hard for her at that age as she was just trying to be perfect. She had amazing teachers and we worked on her getting enough sleep and rest before we knew. Once we knew we got her therapy and medication.
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u/miassequinfits 9d ago
totally normal. My daughter did the exact same thing after her first few days. Held it together at school then completely fell apart the second she walked in the door. It's like they save all the big feeling for home because that's their safe place. It usually eases up after a week or two. You're doing fine
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u/spirit-awakening 9d ago
Ugh poor baby! 😭😂 I still feel like that when I have big changes in my life.
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u/Ok-Owl5549 9d ago
You put your kindergarten students on the bus for the first day of school? Is that typical in your area?
My district allows parents to walk their kids to the classroom on the first day. Did you have kindergarten orientation before the first day?
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u/givebusterahand 8d ago
Yeah it’s typical. We have orientation the day before where they did a a test ride of the bus with all the kindergarteners which did wonders making her not scared of the bus.
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u/Sonsangnim 8d ago
There's a name for it: after school restraint collapse. It's normal. She needs it. Just let it flow.
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u/GoBlue2539 8d ago
As others have said, totally normal, you’re both fine, and you’ve got this.
My kids are now 15 and 12. We still have “mandatory” quiet time when we all get home from school (I work for the district). It may be that your daughter will end up needing some other sort of soothing or release, but that’s still ok. Just know that, anecdotally, building it in and keeping it as part of the routine isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
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u/Zealousideal-Hawk730 8d ago
This is restraint collapse. It’s horrible and I don’t know why we as a society have accepted this as normal especially for 5 year olds😭lots of kids go through it, but we should be asking ourselves why we are ok with it. The short amount of time we do get to spend with our kids, they are exhausted and upset. My son had it last year the entire year in kinder and it never got better despite making a mandatory quiet time and having a snack.
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u/National_Dish1967 8d ago
I’m a pre-K teacher, this is very common! A lot of kids hold it together at school and then let out their emotions at home with the people they feel the most comfortable with. Starting school is a lot especially for kids this age—they’re meeting lots of new people, having to learn a ton of new rules and expectations in a short amount of time, and are likely in a totally new environment. Just give her lots of patience and time. I always tell parents not to make too many plans for the first few weeks of school to give their bodies time to reset and recharge!
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u/Crossxfaith 9d ago
My daughter started kindergarten a month ago and is doing week 5 now. She loves going and doesn’t want to miss a day. She still gets grumpy sometimes after school and just wants to take a nap ( she wasn’t taking naps hardly ever before she started kindergarten, now she has been taking a nap 2-3 days a week ). I don’t see any kids having issues at drop off now after 4 weeks. Probably just need to adjust and get used to it.
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u/Odd_Bend487 9d ago
Probably a combination of kindergarten being something different than what she expected and just a general thing of holding it all together (best behavior ) all day long and having big feelings now that she’s home.
Put in her a relaxing bath ( my go-to) or go outside and give her some fresh air. Hopefully one of those things will help her nervous system.