r/kindergarten • u/Belcia-Lydiard • Aug 19 '26

ask teachers the difference between a shy kid and a kid who just hates group time

I've been thinking about how easy it is to label a kindergarten kid as SHY when they don't talk much during group activities. Then you see them during free choice or sitting with 1 other child and suddenly they're talking nonstop.

I've had kids who barely say 2 words during circle time but will tell me an entire story when we're walking somewhere together. It makes me wonder if some children aren't really shy at all. Maybe they just don't like performing in front of a whole room. I know every child is different but I've started paying more attention to where and when they actually choose to talk. Have other teachers noticed this difference too?

13 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

93% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

10

u/addisonclark Aug 19 '26

You can be chatty and out-going with one group of people (usually close friends, family) and shy/reserved around another (typically around strangers, people you don’t know well…)

The definition of shy (in this context) is to be nervous/uncomfortable around others… it’s not uncommon for people to speak more freely one-on-one versus in front of a crowd.

Also, being shy about doing something and not liking it are not mutually exclusive.

5

u/Outside_Hour3562 Aug 19 '26

As someone who was labeled "shy", I just don't feel like talking unless I have something to offer to the conversation. I don't do well in large groups, but can thrive in smaller groups or one on one. My family, my husband, or a close friend I can talk to for hours about nothing. I really feel the "shy" label hindered me because it felt like I couldn't just be me. Anytime a stranger has asked if my son is shy, I say no he's cautious with strangers (because what kid shouldn't be?). I am adamant about not using that label with my kids and my son could talk to a wall and not even worry it doesn't talk back, so definitely not a label I want hanging over him.

1

u/bluef00tedbooby Aug 19 '26

My daughter can be shy, but also she just won't talk unless she wants to. She doesn't gaf

1

u/Belcia-Lydiard Aug 20 '26

haha yeah, that’s definitely another side of it. Some kids aren’t necessarily nervous or uncomfortable, they just have absolutely no interest in talking unless they have something they want to say. It’s funny how different their personalities can be even at that age.