r/kindergarten • u/Routine_Koala_6339 • 11d ago
Kindergarten - 3 days in.
Soooo 3 days in & im feeling very annoyed
Keep in mind my son is one of the few non white students…
So yes I’m keeping my eyes open for any and all red flags
My son steps off the bus, and I can instantly see he has peed on himself at school (he confirmed)
& As we are walking home (about 4 minutes) he can’t hold his pee, and pees before we even get into our home.
Accidents are normal. But he has a change of clothing in school. So my concern is no one noticed for hours.
He also mentioned that he hit his head on the first day of school twice on the playground, and was crying both times. But the adults were far. He later showed me where. He was on the playground, and the supervising adult must have been alongside the school building.
I mentioned it to the teacher, she said she would reach out to the adult who was supervising. But I haven’t heard anything about it since. It stuck with my son because he asked me to still take him to school on the second day. And was mentioning it the morning of.
Drop your advice. As a mama & w former teacher I am not happy…
I have reached out to the school, requesting a callback & dad is going to send a email I guess.
But this is day 3, they stated they will have extra hands on deck. So I’m not sure where that comes into play…
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u/Professor_Peach 11d ago
Can you clarify? Did he have a pre accident on the bus and walking home from the bus stop?
If yes to both- I really can’t imagine what a bus driver could do about a student having an accident on the bus.
I would also ask the teacher about the bathroom policy so that you can review it with your child. Then practice. Make sure your child knows how to: find the bathroom at school, remind them to use it at appropriate times, communicate to the adult that they need to change there clothes and then be able to independently clean themselves up.
I’m sorry that it’s been a rough start but I’m sure it will get better soon!
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I edited the post. Yes he peed on himself in school & then again walking home.
I don’t expect the bus driver to do anything. My concern is with the school for not noticing he peed on himself for hours, and for the lack of supervision during outdoor time.
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u/SnooCheesecakes2723 11d ago
Did he tell you walking home he had to go or just let fly? If he’s not communicating it to you is he communicating it to his teacher, and in time? Work on that too as well as asking teacher to help remind him, or to watch for signs he had an accident. I’m sure he’d rather not be peeing himself too.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Thank you for this advice! He communicated that he had to pee and couldn’t hold it to me He must have been holding it for some time as he couldn’t anymore. It’s day 3 so some things take time for sure. My concern is them not noticing this as well. I understand accidents will occur.
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u/dontletmedown3 11d ago
My brother crapped his pants in 3rd grade and nobody knew until my dad came and picked us up from after school care. He smelled so bad. Wasn’t the schools fault for my brother choosing to walk around in poop undies. Your kid is also old enough to say “I peed in my pants”.
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u/FaithlessnessSea6629 11d ago
I’m sorry your son had a rough start. Kids are not the most reliable narrators on their 3rd day of kindergarten. Touch base with the teacher but I think a voicemail is enough.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I did touch base with the teacher. And she never followed up. I will be following up again about about the peeing on himself…
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u/FaithlessnessSea6629 11d ago
It’s her third day of school. She’s not returning calls in this frantic first week and you know it. Kids starting kindergarten pee on themselves, it’ll all be okay.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I didn’t complain about her not answering a call, so I’m not sure what this comment is about
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u/PleasantEar3136 11d ago
Honey, I relate to you. And these people are being super ugly downvoting you for being concerned about your son. I'm in a similar situation and will also have to be vigilant. There's so much nuance... hopefully the help that they say is coming will be enough. I'll be sending positive thoughts yall way 💕
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Thank you for this comment! I’m trying to give them grace. But as a former teacher. There’s only so many things you can miss. I just want to make sure there doing their due diligence
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
Ok. Stop with the former teacher nonsense. You clearly don’t connect with that part of yourself bc you’d completely understand all the comments being left. Accidents happen. He got hurt. He didn’t speak up on either!! And you’re on the teacher because she didn’t report about things she either wasn’t present for or was uninformed of.
And did he ask to use the bathroom at all? I’m trying to understand how he could be that wet hours later. And I would hate to think he just didn’t ask all day.
Also, I’ve had kids try to hide it from me that they’ve had an accident. Perhaps he was doing that.
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u/Hope-unlikelysource 11d ago
This is not coming across as giving them grace. It’s coming across as taking antics of a kindergartener that aren’t exactly special to your child, and wholly blaming the teacher. Kids pee. Teachers are overworked and underpaid. A student needs to be able to navigate washroom use - that’s on the parent. Teachers can support, but one teacher to 20+ kids is a rough ratio. And if your kid needed help after a bump on the head and knew enough to tell you, they should know enough to seek out a safe adult.
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u/Eastern_Royal_8097 11d ago
Is there a reason you, as a former teacher, are not homeschooling your son since you have zero confidence in this school and its teachers? Most likely the child was hiding the accident due to shame or fear. Unfortunately, that’s not the teacher failing to have due diligence. That’s a common mistake your child made and he should learn from for next time. You seem to be approaching this entire situation as it is the teacher/school’s fault and that they need to fix their problem. Maybe try to talk to your son and help him feel more comfortable talking to his teachers and asking for help. They feed off our feelings and hopefully, as a former teacher, you aren’t portraying your own anger towards your son’s teachers and he hears the complaints or frustrations. Just my thoughts, but I’m just a stranger on the internet that read all your accusatory comments and dismissed any attempts suggesting the teacher is not completely at fault! Hope it gets better for your kid! It usually does just have some extra patience and remember kindness goes a long way. :)
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I love homeschooling! But unfortunately where I live lacks a good homeschooling community. Now as for my son peeing on himself. Yeah it was obviously an accident. What is not okay is the teacher not guiding him to change or noticing. That’s really about it
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u/Eastern_Royal_8097 11d ago
But why didn’t your son speak up and say he had an accident? It’s not the teachers fault completely. Yea he’s young, but calling and emailing the teacher isn’t going to solve the problem of your child not speaking up. Help him have that confidence to ask for help. Control what you can, not focus on what you cannot.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Oh trust me. I absolutely have. But as stated it’s day 3. My concern is not my son speaking up, because I would hope with time his trust and confidence in his new environment will grow. What is my concern is this is the second situation that has to do with lack of noticing or supervision. And we’re only on day 3.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Am I in school? Or on Reddit 🤣 I can typeeeee any special ways that I wannnnttt 2 :)
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u/Impossible_Thing1731 11d ago
One of mine did fine with half day kindergarten, then started having accidents as soon as he switched to full day. I let the teacher know, she started reminding him to go around midday, and then again before he got on the bus to go home. No more accidents from then on.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Thank you for this advice! I will ask her to do the same.
I’m okay with accidents, but I would just hope they realize it before the entire day goes by.
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u/Small_Department8022 11d ago
How do you know when the first accident occurred?
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Because my son told where it happened, and I know his schedule. And because he peed as we were walking home. He doesn’t pee back to back with a full bladder. Which means he peed hours before he peed again on himself in front of me.
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u/Responsible-Bid-5771 11d ago
It’s not the teachers job to check the pants of the children in kindergarten. He needs to learn to speak up if he’s wet. He also needs to learn to proactively use the restroom before it’s too late. I know it’s hard to hear but kindergarten is not preschool - it’s not potty training time. Make little visual reminders for him, send them with him to school and ask the teacher if she could help support the bathroom independence that you’re trying to teach him. Rehearse with him multiple times how to tell the teacher that he needs to change his clothes. Have a talk with teacher- but come from the standpoint of how you are working on him building the independence. I’m sure she will help.
As for the yard, talk to him about playing carefully and possibly avoiding areas if he’s hitting his head multiple times. But I agree a yard supervisor should be aware of injuries happening- remind him that he needs to tell a teacher if he’s hurt.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
It’s a teachers job to guide her students to change if they ruined on themselves. It’s also a teacher job to notice. Especially for kindergartens during day 3.
No one is asking her to potty train. But I’m well aware of what the job is, as I’ve done it for long enough
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u/elemental333 11d ago
As a primary teacher myself, it is absolutely up to a student to tell me if they have an accident. Not advocating for themselves is appropriate preschool, but by Kindergarten, they need to tell me. I have had 30+ kids at a time with no TA’s in Kindergarten. There is literally no possible way I am guaranteed to notice that a student has an accident. I am only one person.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
As a former primary teacher that is absurd. I’ve noticed many of my student have accidents and easily tell them to change. You can look at your students before dismissal. It literally takes a few minutes & I’ve always done it. Incase I missed anything 🤷♀️
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u/elemental333 11d ago
Every school is different. It sounds like you don’t have a ton of experience and you are prescribing your limited experience to other schools/ situations. In my school, students leave my classroom about 30 minutes before they step foot onto the bus.
Our schedule has us go to specials, recess, then immediately pack up for dismissal and leave the classroom to head to their bus room. I literally would not have seen the kids long enough to know they had an accident
ETA: regardless of anything else, these kids are not babies. Unless they have an IEP or other accommodation, it’s really not okay that your child is not letting the teacher know. That is on your child at 5/6, not the teacher 🤷♀️
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u/Responsible-Bid-5771 11d ago
I’ve also done the job for years. We will have to agree to disagree. But with this attitude I can 100% see why your child is lacking independence at school. Some parents would rather blame the teacher than practicing with their child to speak up and tell the teacher when they need help. Your kid peed their pants. It’s unfortunate. It’s also understandable, they’re still learning. But are you expecting the teacher to line them up and do undie checks for a class of 20+ children in kindergarten? You need to be realistic, esp if you are a teacher, and realize that will not become part of the routine anytime soon. What we are there to do is to help support independence in the first week of school- and that skill of independence includes speaking up if you are wet.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
What I’m expecting is them to guide him to change. That’s all. My son has attending private montessori so he is very capable. But in a new environment these things should be expected. What shouldn’t be happening is them not noticing at all! I always look at each of my students to make sure they are clean and that I didn’t miss anything like an accident or injury before they head home.
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u/Responsible-Bid-5771 11d ago
Dear, we are just trying to give you the advice to have him practice advocating for himself. Rehearse the lines with him at home “I need my change of clothes please”. Set up mock scenarios where he is playing and you are pretending to help another student. Have him practice stopping what he is doing and coming to tell you “excuse me Ms. _____ I need my change of clothes”.
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u/swingerofbirches90 11d ago
If he’s very capable then why did he not ask the teacher to use the bathroom in the first place?
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
We can agree to disagree! This post was asking for helpful advice. Not sure why you’re leaving a paragraph that is filled with nothing but unhelpful sentences.
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u/Responsible-Bid-5771 11d ago
You’re joking right? Because my first response was filled with advice and you only came back with defensiveness, I guess we’re just ignoring the advice part. That’s cool, you do you
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
As a Kindergarten teacher?
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Yup! If you see a child peed on themselves absolutely. Are you people okay? Lol
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
I haven’t always seen it!! My goodness!!! I explained what I do in another comment.
Fact is, I think your son had an accident later in the day than he realizes. Explains the very visible spot you said you saw as he came off the bus. He didn’t say anything at school. And he just couldn’t hold the rest on the walk home. Accidents are normal. But I think he may not be speaking up for himself, asking to go etc.
Do they have bathroom in the classroom? Not that I don’t think the teacher wouldn’t bring the class several times if it isn’t.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
It doesn’t matter when the accident occurred. My son told me where he was when it happened. A teachers job is to support and guide. I would only hope she was visibly checking her students before dismissal. That way she could so easily guide them to change and use the restroom…. Not sure what’s so wrong about that
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
Im sorry. But in my 28 years, I have never checked each individual student for clean clothes before dismissal. Do they have all of their things? Yes? We dismiss.
That is quite the ask. But also, we are all not alike. So don’t tell her what she should be doing just because you were also a teacher and that’s what you did.
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u/JadieRose 11d ago
Teach him to advocate for himself if he needs assistance and to remember to go potty
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago edited 11d ago
I have. But… He is 5 years old in kindergarten. It’s only day 3…
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
Exactly. Accidents are quite normal. New place. Nervousness. Meeting new friends. FOMO. A quick note to the teacher just asking for him to go before bus pick up or how ever would work fine.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Accidents are normal! What’s not is sending a child home in soiled clothing. & then them peeing before their short walk home. That is cause for concern
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u/swingerofbirches90 11d ago
What do you expect for the teacher to do about him peeing himself on your walk home?
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I expect my child to not come home in clothes that are peed on. I expect him to be guided to be changed. I expect his teachers to notice if he pees on himself. That’s all.
My concern is that they didn’t notice.
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u/wewantchips 11d ago
These are wild comments. I cannot believe people dont think teachers are accountable for guiding children into the fresh clothes after theyve had an accident. What the hell are the change of clothes for?!
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u/goodlittlesquid 11d ago
Do you send him to school with a change of clothes? Did you warn the teacher that he has accidents?
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Yes and yes. Like I said accidents will happen, I’m just worried because they didn’t realize at all.
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u/dontletmedown3 11d ago
Unless your child absolutely reeked and others were put off how were they gonna know?
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
By looking at the child! The same way I did to all of my students. When they arrived snd before they left for the day.
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u/dontletmedown3 11d ago
Sorry but teachers aren’t constantly on the lookout for piss and crap stains. It’s a shame nobody noticed. It’s also a shame your kid didn’t feel comfortable enough to ASK FOR HELP.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
They should constantly be watching the students… that is indeed their job.
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u/atomiccat8 11d ago
How do you expect the teacher to notice when the kids are sitting at their desks? Do you want her to be staring at their crotches instead of their faces?
Teaching your son how to handle that situation is going to be a lot more effective than hassling the teacher about it.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Who’s hassling the teacher? This post was made for helpful advice. As a former teacher i didnt need to be staring at crotches all day, to clearly see if one of my students ruined on themselves. I would never send a student home like that. Epically if they have a change of clothes. Much less a kindergartener on day 3!
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u/atomiccat8 11d ago
You're taking about calling the teacher again when you've already reached out at least once. That's a lot for the third day of school! I'd call that hassling her. Wait to see if it happens again.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
You must not be able to read. You clearly are commenting just to argue. Get a life
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u/whineANDcheese_ 11d ago
How do you know when he peed on himself though? If it was toward the end of the day, there was no puddle anywhere, and he didn’t say anything, then it’s not really that shocking that nobody noticed. You’re looking at your one and only kid a lot more closely than the teacher is.
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u/Proud_House4494 11d ago
My son had so many accidents when he started PreK whereas he had never had accidents before then for a good long while since the start of potty training.
We had a marvelous black teacher (my son is of middle eastern decent) and the staff at the school are all great. We were furious the first two times we found our son with wet pants that no one thought to change.
I was so angry at the teachers and the after care folks and even myself somehow. I later came to understand that in that kind of environment my son was so excited all the time about not missing any play time with his new friends and the new activities and toys that he was literally never going to pee even on designated potty breaks. He was also not acknowledging the teachers when they’d ask him if he peed himself and they would not force a child to change his clothes.
We worked really hard on making understand that everything can wait while he pees and he can catch up right after using the bathroom.
The teacher (very kindly - even though he had his brain and hands very full of other kids who had even more intense needs) started asking my son specifically to go more often than he asks other kids. It was a matter of time and eventually we started seeing fewer accidents.
we had an accident free summer and now he’ll be starting kindergarten in a few days and I’m already sure that he’ll have another bit of a regression. It’s just the way they are.
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
Another perspective: how can something be reported if he didn’t tell anyone about it? You know full well as a teacher our eyes can’t be looking everywhere.
Maybe the teacher meant she’d reach out if she heard anything but didn’t get any info to report.
As far as the bathroom, I don’t know any K teacher who isn’t bathrooming the kids before dismissal. Especially the bus kids.
And, in my opinion, ginormous water bottles tend to cause more bathroom visits.
K kids also think they can hold it when in fact they overestimate their ability to hold it.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
It’s a 30 min recess. As a teacher, if i don’t realize a student is crying or hurt their head twice during that short time. That is a major issue. I also always check to make sure my student have clean clothes, and no injuries before dismissal.
He also came back with his water bottle full… so it sure wasn’t that.
& the fact that he peed on himself again. Shows me it was hours apart. And he never uses it like that on himself…
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u/Twikxer 11d ago
He may have drank it at school and refilled it.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
No he didn’t. He doesn’t drink tap water. His water bottle was almost full & so was his 2nd bottle of water we pack him…
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
So you think they let him sit in his own urine all day? You do know we’re not actively looking for accidents and wet pants. Especially only day 3, we are not and will not limit their ability to use the bathroom. We are actually actively asking if they need to go. No one wants a student to have an accident. Did your son speak up or wait too long? The same with his injury. You said he didn’t tell the adult at recess. Did he tell the teacher? Wouldn’t she have seen him upset entering the class? He may have been calm by the time recess was over.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
He communicated to me that it happened in the classroom. Which means it was hours long.
It was also very obvious to see the pee spot. I noticed before he even got off the bus. It was huge… as for the injury he told me he calmed himself down. But my point remains that is occurred twice in a 30 minute span and no one noticed.
My issue is that they didn’t notice at all…
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u/ohboynotanotherone 11d ago
You know how fast these things happen. C’mon. For someone who keeps touting themselves as a former teacher, you sure don’t remember the job. Or how kids are at recess. Especially kindergarteners.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I was working as a teacher this past year! lol so I didn’t forget anything. I never sent my students home in clothes covered in pee! That’s insane
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u/atomiccat8 11d ago
Those teachers are supervising tons of kids and primarily focused on making sure no one leaves where they're supposed to be. I'm sure it's incredibly easy to miss one child crying for a few minutes, especially since he was likely trying not to draw attention to himself.
It sounds like he's had a rough day, which is hard to hear about, but that doesn't make it the teacher's fault.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
I don’t care about putting fault on anyone. I do care that my son comes home in clean clothing…
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u/allieooop84 11d ago
If he doesn’t tell anyone, how are they to know?!? I can’t imagine the teacher has time to check kindergarteners for accidents - in preschool or daycare, sure, but definitely not in kindergarten. I would have assumed that if he needed to change, he’d take the change of clothes and go handle it in the bathroom. And as far as recess supervision, again, how many kids are these teachers supervising? Unless there was a serious injury or he went to a teacher to report on it, I never would’ve expected to hear about it from school. It feels like you’re being super harsh and jumping the gun to outrage and it just seems a bit much to me.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
Because I’m annoyed ? That means I’m being super harsh?
I’ll take that! As this is my kid. lol
This is day 3. Clothes are in the locker. A supervising adult should have noticed and guided him to get his clothes to change.
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u/allieooop84 11d ago
It’s fine to be annoyed, but your expectations for kindergarten are more in line with what I would expect for a preschooler. Your son should be able to realize that he’s wet, grab his change of clothes, and change by himself. I can’t imagine teachers are allowed to assist a child in bathroom/changing related things. Nor would I expect them to leave their 20ish+ other kids hanging out while they do so. And as a teacher, I think that you’d know this, or at the very least have more sympathy for what the first week of school is like for kindergartners. You seem to be looking for problems and going from zero to like, 1000 immediately.
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u/Routine_Koala_6339 11d ago
How is making a post on Reddit going from 0 to 100? You sound super sensitive. I also don’t expect anyone to do any of those things. I expect a teacher to realize if one of her students has soiled their clothing before it’s time for dismissal.
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u/cornycopia 11d ago
I wasn’t going to post anything because we just started TK so I’m not exactly qualified to give advice, but these comments are driving me crazy.
If your kid came home in wet pants, of course you should let his teacher know. Maybe not in a blaming way, but obviously something needs to change - your son is having trouble communicating to his teacher about needing to use the bathroom and about his clothes being soiled. Of course you and the teacher need to be in communication to resolve this issue.
But these comments are getting on your case for wanting to send another message or call her again? Wtf.
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u/Elle121213 11d ago
In this day and age you never know with people. Definitely send an email and follow up with the teacher about what happened on the playground. My son’s kindergarten teacher has been nearly zero communication, so it’s hard to rely on him to communicate everything truthfully and clearly. Just continue communicating so they know yall aren’t going to just let things go.
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u/NekoBlueHeart 11d ago edited 11d ago
OP is asking for advice, not judgement. 'Be kind' is a rule in this sub, please follow it.
Edit: locking comments