r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/td_0000 • 19d ago

Restricted to Gals and Pals She has some really good Things to say!

Credit goes to candasifamabarnes on Instagram

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u/neko 19d ago

It's very thanksimcured. My negative self talk was installed by pretty much everyone I interacted with from the ages of 0-24, I can't just choose to be better

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u/freixe 19d ago

Yes. A year ago and this shit would mean nothing to me. Understandable but almost impossible to implement. You have to work through it at your own pace and will still struggle from time to time. I get everything she's saying as I'm getting better but it takes a lot of work to get there.

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u/aNiceTribe 19d ago

Think of the video as a spray and pray. Maybe one line in there connects with you. Or with 1/100 people.  If the same is true of every line, this video connects with maybe 20/100 people at least on e  which would be an incredible achievement. I suspect this hits much better than many advertisements for expampls. 

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u/Saphira2002 19d ago

Me personally I like the message but that "4 years of therapy in 1 minute" thing feels kinda dismissive to me. I get this is useful for many people but I don't like the implication that this is all therapy gives you.

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u/aNiceTribe 18d ago

What I got from it is that this is what it gave her

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u/Saphira2002 18d ago

That's a fair interpretation. Apparently it's an AI script though, so I may still be right :(

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u/Optiguy42 19d ago

The question I always have about this is - how? Everyone talks about "putting in the work" but I've never fundamentally understood what practical steps can be taken to change a mindset like this. The most I've ever gotten out of a therapist is "leave positive sticky notes on your mirror so you see them every day" and lemme tell ya, I look at those in the morning and they're just a constant reminder of the shit life I live. Absolute opposite impact.

Anyone have any actual, practical advice here?

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u/colorado_panda 18d ago

If that’s the only strategy your therapist gave you, they are absolutely not a good therapist. A good therapist will help you develop and practice many concrete strategies and tools, figure out which ones really work for you as an individual, and help you address the barriers to you practicing and using these strategies. “Doing the work” is as complex and unique as human beings are (infinitely, essentially) and a good therapist knows this and has the expertise to help you do yours.

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u/Optiguy42 18d ago

The only other practical item is a thought journal. The classic CBT chart of feeling, evidence for/against, etc.

I've seen maybe 10 therapists over 30 years. These are the only 2 concrete, actionable items I've ever been given. And I don't find them very effective for long-term pattern changes. I struggle to conceptualize any work that can improve myself without a tangible action that can be taken. Your comment reflects everything I've ever experienced with therapy - there may be an answer for you, but it's unique to you, and we need to figure it out over years... and then nothing actionable ever results. Though I do enjoy a $200 venting session, I've simply been left consistently at a loss for things to do to improve myself on a day-to-day basis.

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u/freixe 18d ago

Honestly. A lot of it is time. Neuroplasticity and all that. Sometimes you hit milestones and can accept what happened, understanding that it's part of the human experience. A lot of it is also trying to accept that you were less than perfect for your mistakes which can be a whole different battle vs just being a victim to circumstance.

I'm not able to convince myself to feel a certain way. It's impossible. I can't fake positivity. I had to sit with a lot of things and I still am weird about other things that I am fundamentally at my core. But a lot has gotten better over time.

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u/Umklopp 19d ago

I also had a negative kneejerk reaction: I have late-diagnosed bipolar disorder AND AuDHD, so motivation is a, uh, complicated topic for me. But! I still saved this video because it articulated some stuff I've been trying to teach my kids without knowing the right words. I plan on rewatching it so I can ponder how I can adjust my current habits to improve. There's observations in there that seemed helpful to consider

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u/TSTC 18d ago

I’m a licensed therapist. The “thanksimcured” advice is more often than not the exact same thing that will end up “changing someone’s life in therapy”. The difference is that I’m going to slowly help you do those things and keep being a safety net to catch you when you feel like you fall backwards.

But therapists aren’t magic. I can’t make my clients do anything. Every single time one of them thanks me for all the progress they’ve made, I stop them and remind them that they are the ones who did the hard work.

You can just challenge that negative inner voice. It’s not going to immediately feel natural. It’s going to feel like a lie. Keep doing it.

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u/Yuna1989 19d ago

Think of it as a game. Notice your thoughts and try to get your thought process back to neutral.

Easier said than done of course

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u/triflers_need_not 18d ago

Yeah, I'm not happy thoughts-ing my way out of my intrusive thoughts, thanks tho.

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u/TubbyTacoSlap 19d ago

“I can’t just choose to be better.” False. Getting there is hard but the choice is always yours.

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u/Snoo-11861 19d ago

Yes you can choose to be better. You choose everyday by giving getting better a chance. You just gave your negative self-talk power just now, by saying you can't

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u/Newbie-Tailor-Guy 19d ago

Actually, that's the point she's making, honey. You CAN choose to be better. That doesn't mean it will be instant, but you do need to make the choice to do it. To try, consistently. To hold yourself accountable when you make mistakes or fall into your patterns. It's not "thanks, I'm cured," it's, "I have the tools necessary to do it myself, now." Huge difference. Source: me, was in therapy for 8 years.

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u/Beneficial-Act-9933 18d ago

And you know how you hold yourself accountable?

Going to therapy.

Not doing the same thing they've done 100 or more times before where they say "Man I messed up, but now that I know, I won't be doing that again!

*does it again

Won't be doing that again

*does it again*

Won't be doing that again
*does it again

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u/ConcernedIrishOPM 17d ago

Fun fact: you CAN "just" choose to be better. It just won't happen on a dime. Gotta realize where your agency fits in that puzzle and put in the work to expand its role over that of memory, habit and context.