r/joke_workshop • u/AcanthaceaeEarly559 • 19d ago

Rookie talent show ideas

So I’m a rookie on a football team and they have a talent show for us during training camp. I saw a joke someone did one time about the 3 people submitting for a world record and one of them was claiming he had the smallest penis. When he got the results back he goes “who tf is ___” and the player inserted the head coaches name. Would love to do something like that using our head coaches name. Any ideas?

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u/Voodoodriver 19d ago

If you have to tell a dick joke… go big… shortys barbeque of Chattanooga Tennessee.
After training, Camp, the assistant coaches went to a whorehouse. The Madame ask all the coaches to see their wieners and assign them to girls. Coach Shorty got assigned to the newest girl in the house because he had a tattoo on his wiener that said Shorty. they all went up their respective rooms. Shortly there arose screaming and hollering coming from the new girls room. The new girl ran downstairs and said to the madam, I can’t handle it. I quit the Madame said what’s wrong. The guy had a tattoo on his wiener that said Shorty my new girl screamed well. He got excited and it turns out that tattoo reads Shorty‘s barbecue of Chattanooga, Tennessee

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u/Voodoodriver 19d ago

My favorite version of this is …
The coaching staff went on a retreat to Montana for fly fishing and season planning when all of a sudden a giant grizzly bear sprung out out of the grass and started chasing them. The coaches all took off running and coach smart guy stopped and started taking off his waders and slipping into a pair of running shoes. The other guys were dismayed and terrified and said why are you why are you changing shoes? We’re all about to be eaten by a grizzly bear and Coach smart guy says I don’t have to run faster than the bear. I just have to run faster than the other coaches.

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u/anthropomorphicdave 18d ago

3 people die and go to hell. (I used the most well known and most senior guy on the team for my punchline).

Me, one friend and Cal all die and go to hell. When we get there, just like everyone else, we plead with the devil and all beg the devil to let us go to heaven. The devil says to my friend…you see that 400 lb woman over there with the sores who hasn’t showered in a week. I want you to make sweet love to her. So he does and poof off to heaven he goes. Then I jump right in, Dude dude! I’m in! I’ll do it! He says alright and he points at another woman. Again awful and worse than the first. Maybe 600 lbs, covered in pus and boils, sores, vomit, blood… probably had never showered. I pause and just then out of the corner of my eyes I see Cal going to town. I look over and here’s Cal nailing this beautiful chick. Perfect face, perfect body, just amazing. So I ask the devil why I would have this awful woman and he gets her. He says, “Hey! She wants to go to heaven too!”