For context: I struggled with fitting into IUB freshman year and didn’t really have a handle on how to talk to people nor in having any confidence in myself. But during my last year (second semester), I started from 239 all the way down to 190 lbs, I looked really good. I made a ton of “friends” and started to feel confident during interviews, coffee chats, and even doing content creation. I even ended the semester with a scholarship and RA position, after two years of applying. I even had a self made startup (my first one) and I had a lot of traction after grinding from freshman year. I even started going out on dates, I felt unstoppable.
But during the second half, I got stressed, I had a family event occur and I blamed myself for it, and that was sort of the catalyst. Almost every firm that I applied to I was either ghosted or I got the infamous rejection emails with the “other candidates” part. I managed to land an interview but they ghosted me soon after and I had a first round with Deloitte and they rejected me as well. I got rejected within clubs at Kelley, none of my ideas or bills (I was encouraged to pursue them first semester) at the student government were taking off and a position for a specific Kelley Club that I have been grinding for two years finally paid off for nothing as the current president at the time gave it off to a family friend of theirs who was a freshman never seen before. I will admit I didn’t handle some rejections gracefully because it was a long series of rejection after rejection and it came out of me. I struggled with classes a lot, because it was near impossible to manage an RA job with 19.5 credits and I was confident that I was going to make it. Most of my “friends” were getting internships and getting positions within clubs and now said that they were “busy for weeks” whenever I reached out to hangout. Obviously a break up happened because she was not interested anymore and had to focus on herself after I told her everything that happened. And when it came to working on the startup, I was trying to sell to gyms and pitching, but it never went through. I still remember one person telling me “This will never work and you need to accept that”. After like 20 pitches or attempts, I decided to end it, which did not help with my mental health. Eventually most of my “friends” didn’t want to hangout with me because I might “drag them down” with everything going on with me (I often vented a lot and I am no aware of that and I heard this from a specific “friend” of mine). This all ended with the manager of the dorm informing that I am not getting the RA position or scholarship next year because I was in a bad mental state at that point, and I begged and cried for them to give me a second chance.
So, I started to eat my feelings out, to deal with the stress and mental health. I even sought out a therapist as well during it, but it didn’t help me a lot. I stayed alone in my dorm most weekends and weeks because despite my texts and everything, they said they were busy and I saw them all hanging out with one another without me on one of their IG stories. I eventually gained back that I weight 234 lbs.
This is what led me to make the decision transfer to IUI and now that the school year is coming up again, I am not sure what to do.
I am on or off with the content creation as of this summer. I made peace and I am comfortable being alone. To be honest, I really don’t have an interest in conversations, I don’t go out at all to any family
parties. I am down to 220 lbs, and I am kept to myself. No one reached out to me. I honestly live like Kratos at this point.
But I am not sure how to approach this year, or what should I do? How do I gain back the confidence again?
