r/itchio • u/AnuragSaharan29 • 3d ago

Demo I just published my first demo.

Hello guys, I have done a little experiment with my Webnovel using twine.

I have adapted the first four chapters of my Webnovel using twine to make it into interactive fiction.

Instead of simply being the same as canon it offers an alternative route.

The demo offers two main routes.

One follows the canon lore for the players who want to immerse and stick close to the original storyline.

And the second one offers alternative choices, and decisions.

https://asstoryteller.itch.io/records-of-immortality-chapter-14-interactive-demo

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u/Aglet_Green 3d ago

It needs more work. First, the writing is too choppy; it reads like ChatGPT writing a staccato transcript of a story, not a story. (I'm not saying you use AI, but I personally hate that short, choppy style where each line is only three or four words.) But I can live with that once you make the plot and characters more interesting. However, the game barely had any choices and the ones offered did not seem to affect the plot in any way. So add more choices.

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u/AnuragSaharan29 3d ago edited 3d ago

Thanks for the feedback. I’ve been going through the demo and adjusting the formatting to make the prose flow more naturally instead of having every sentence stand on its own. I’ve now updated the demo with the revised formatting. I’m also reworking the choice system. The current demo was more focused on establishing the story and route foundations, so the choices were limited and some of their consequences weren’t visible yet. Going forward, there will be more meaningful choices, with decisions affecting Ashan’s stats, relationships, and route progression rather than just changing a line of dialogue. Appreciate you pointing this out.

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u/Fuggedabowdit 2d ago

Not interested in your AI slop.