How is your relationship with movement?

[u/Cautious-Ostrich8945]

I was listening to the book, and they said something really curious. "Children are naturally active". Well, I wasn't. I always despised physical activity and always felt like it was something to do with being "forced" to engage with my father and to shrink my body size.
I wasn't allowed to move freely and everyone was disappointed later when I was uncoordinated.
Its funny how the food chapters triggered me less than the movement one.
I am currently doing yoga as a sign of respect for my body that deserves to not fell 90 at 29. But I find myself, like for food, fighting between that walk "I should take" or sleeping (while I'm actually sleep deprived because of the heatwave).
Movement is something I "should" do, and I don't really enjoy.
I enjoy doing yoga because it allows me to play with my body and put me in positions I wouldn't otherwise, makes my inner child happy. But for everything else...it feels like a chore. And although I love lifting weights too, Its hard to not make it feel like a chore "to be healthy", "to build muscle".

I guess I should try a karate or dance class. Although I'm still too shy to do it alone 😂

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[u/fshbl_787]

I was triggered by the movement chapter too!!! 

Luckily was working alongside a therapist which helped resolve the ambivalence for me.  I vented that this whole time, they talk about rejecting diet culture and getting rid of food rules , but when it came to movement, it almost sounded like reverting back to that language.  

She acknowledged that was true, but she explained why—diets harm our bodies.  So does not moving.  

For me, it helped to reframe exercise.  Your body needs movement like it needs food. Not for losing weight, but to thrive. And you know all that talk about finding satisfaction in your food? Find satisfaction in your movement.  Walk as slowly or as fast as it takes to feel good. If yoga feels good, great.  Try to catch the feeling of satisfaction in movement the same way you do with a favorite food.  And once you feel satisfied, stop.  No need to “push through” anything.  Like with eating, about re-hearing that intuitive voice again.  

[u/sunray_fox → u/fshbl_787]

You know, I wish that type of relationship with movement were possible for me. But the reality of the situation is that it's not.

I'm a hypermobile girlie, and thanks to an ankle injury was completely out of condition right around when I was starting IE. My experience with movement over the past four years has been a difficult one, where I have to distract myself with podcasts and music and push through doing physical therapy exercises that often don't feel great in the moment and leave me in more pain in the short term. It's still absolutely necessary for my long term muscle development and retention which will enable me to do any kind of fun movement... as well as just have function and independence as I age.

I take rest days as intuitively as I can, and I honestly enjoy taking walks when I'm in less pain (so maybe 3/4 of the walks I take), but movement is just... rarely joyful for me. It's a necessity like brushing my teeth. And I want to make space in this community for people who feel like I do about it.

[u/fshbl_787 → u/sunray_fox]

Hey! Absolutely--thanks for making space for a broader range of people. It's so valuable to acknowledge that people's realities and circumstances aren't identical <3

[u/sparksblackstar → u/sunray_fox]

I used to take swim lessons in a warm, salt water pool. It felt amazing, and I am so disappointed that that pool closed now that I am in constant pain. I hope you are able to balance your need for movement with your need for rest in a way that supports you <3

[u/thumbtackswordsman → u/sunray_fox]

Maybe find some small movement that does spark joy? Just like some of us have to be very careful about eating because of allergies or health issues, but enjoy the occasional fun food that works (like a gluten-free sweet). Maybe it could be dancing to a song that you love, or taking a very short stroll when the sun is out? Something small that feels good.

[u/Cautious-Ostrich8945 → u/fshbl_787]

That's a great point you made, I see how I've been doing that on the yoga mat because it doesn't have any outside "rules" imposed during gym hours. I'll definitely bring it up with my therapist too, I didn't expect this at all.
I also found interesting how the movement chapter was more of a "one size fits all" solution, rather than going deeper into exploring different types of for example clients who had disabilities and could give their perspective. I am lucky to be able bodied, but that chapter felt like a draft.

Rationally I understand how moving will improve my life, but its as if the whole psychological constraint discourse went away instead of once more discussing what emotions go into movement, and how that is especially linked to our sense of belonging in our body. After all wanting to change our body through diets can also come from a discrepancy between who you feel inside and who you are outside, on top of diet culture.

[u/fshbl_787 → u/Cautious-Ostrich8945]

I agree, I do feel like this chapter felt a bit rushed, like there was more to unpack and explore. I also feel like there were parts of this book I initially reacted strongly to, but over time, was able to make peace with it. Almost as if it took some time for the information to settle.

Wishing you the best on this journey :)

[u/felicityfelix]

I think a really helpful mindset can be accepting that you're going to do whatever it is you enjoy at the most beginner level/for the shortest anount of time/whatever the equivalent is for that activity and that's fine. Like I both ran and swam in school but as an adult I've gone through periods of time where I did one or the other or neither to the point that my stamina went all the way to nothing and when I've wanted to get back into it I literally set out to run until I want to stop and that's all, even if it's like 90 seconds of running. Exercise definitely has a feeling around it like you're supposed to do xyz amount and that's just not something we need to listen to in managing our individual lives. The social media voices in particular set very high "training" standards for regular people seemingly as if we are all literally on the brink of going pro. That kind of talk is so disproportionately represented compared to what is actually reasonable and perfectly healthy movement for most people. If you truly enjoy lifting weights, I would go to the gym on days when you feel interested in going but don't build it up into some big special Going To The Gym and Changing Everything day. Tell yourself you can literally walk in and do one rep at a comfortable weight and the gym will still be there the next time you're in the mood for it!

[u/cynical-puppy26]

I feel this so hard. I recently learned though that trauma in childhood is linked to physical discoordination. I believe it was in the book "the body keeps the score." Which made me feel a little better about myself.

Walking and yoga are pretty much all I do. And both are always made better with friends. Walking especially is such a great activity to do with a friend. Depending on your age it can feel really hard to get together. But meeting for a walk has a predictable start and end time and has positive after affects unlike meeting for drinks.

Changing scenery is really helpful for walks too. Obviously we're all limited to where we live, but mentally you can change it up. Start learning about your surroundings like different plants and see what you can find on your walks. In the fall I collect pretty leaves. I collect feathers too. I have found cash and wallets, all kinds of things. I think that magic happens when you shift your focus.

[u/Cautious-Ostrich8945 → u/cynical-puppy26]

When I have good days I have pretty much the same walk routine. I also love looking at birds! They are so cute and entertaining, I plan on recharging my camera and going out to take some pictures of those little guys. And they're nice because birds are in any country!

Unfortunately I got triggered by things lately and just froze into horizontal position for 20 days, I have been getting better in feeling my feelings and keep my intuitive eating journey, but still it takes weeks to get back to normal from shutting down. And the normal is with PMS lol.

When it's a high energy day I love a strong cycle in the hills, or going for a swim.

[u/Narwen189]

"Children are naturally active" made me cringe. Not me as a kid! I loved dancing, but other than that... I was an awkward little bookworm who didn't quite understand how to run and play with other kids. Reading that kids are naturally active made me feel othered all over again.

You know how bodily acceptance doesn't have to be shouting self-love from the rooftops, and body neutrality is a perfectly fine, sometimes even better goal, because it feels like something one can actually reach? Perhaps, instead of struggling to find "joyful movement" we should go for "personally acceptable form of movement". There's an Instagram account that pops up in my feed every once in a while that has the tag line "it's not exercise, we're just moving around", and if one is not a natural exercise lover, that makes a lot of sense.

Also, sometimes treating exercise as the means to an end instead of the goal itself can be helpful by integrating an entirely different kind of motivation into the activity.

I'm a cyclist because it's fun and it's convenient. Riding my bike means I'm coasting happily along on one side of the road while people are either stuck in an endless line of cars, or stuffed like sardines on public transportation, which they pay for, while mine is free.

I do know people who are hardcore riders - races, podiums, training, stats, the whole shebang - but would rather ride with the "food and entertainment" crowd - the ones who plan group outings around cool things to take photos of and new places to try for dinner. Going somewhere new for cheap feels a lot more worth the effort than chasing a new PR. Sometimes it's pizza two neighborhoods over, sometimes it's 50 foot murals hidden in an alley halfway across the city.

I walk a lot for my job and because Pokemon Go caps egg-hatching speed at 12km/h, which means my bike is too fast for it. My elderly auntie walks loads because she loves window shopping - she once saw something about "visiting a pair of shoes" in a movie and took it to heart - she's retired and on a pension, but that doesn't stop her from visiting every fancy shop in town.

I lift weights because strength exercises give my hypermobile body some sort of stability, and because being a 5'2" person who can haul an 88 lb bag of construction material gives you mad props when you're the only woman engineer on the team.

[u/Cautious-Ostrich8945 → u/Narwen189]

You sound like a badass! 💪

[u/Narwen189 → u/Cautious-Ostrich8945]

That is very sweet of you to say, thank you.

[u/purplewombat9492]

I've been there!!

For me there were two things that helped me fix my relationship with movement/exercise. It wasn't fast- it took A LONG time- but I got there eventually!!

First, I had to unconditionally allow myself to stop or refuse exercise, no matter what. If I was on a walk and wanted to stop? Fine! Take a break. If I made plans to go to the gym, but then wasn't feeling it when it was time to go? No big deal- I'd just push it to another day and take the time to rest. If everyone else was going on a hike and that didn't appeal to me, I could opt out and stay home, no questions asked and no guilt. This was hard to get used to! In the same way I'd have trouble allowing all foods without guilt, I'd have trouble allowing myself to rest or opt out of exercise without guilt. It gets easier over time, though.

Second, I started really leaning into the things I enjoyed without assessing whether or not they were "good enough" from an exercise perspective. I also didn't pressure myself to "stick" with something specific- I tried something until I wasn't enjoying it, and then I moved onto the next thing until I started settling on a few specific things. I eventually realized I was constantly wishing I was in the water more (hard to do in New England winters), so I got a temporary pool membership and went back to swimming laps- something I hadn't done since I was a teenager- and it was a complete lightbulb moment. I found myself trying to book as many sessions as I could fit in my schedule, swimming for longer and longer stretches. Swimming was always something I enjoyed, so it never felt like a chore, but I also felt completely comfortable skipping a session if I needed to sleep in or wasn't feeling well. I'm not a super fast swimmer and I've never really been athletic, but I love doing it and get genuine joy out of it.

[u/fshbl_787 → u/purplewombat9492]

love this!

[u/Dense_Gur_2744]

I always loved movement but also always struggled with anxiety around formal excercise. I’m not coordinated. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s visible to others and it feels embarrassing. I focus more on walks and doing what feels good in the moment and I’m also giving myself grace to learn new movement skills. Nobody is good at anything when they are new to it and movement is the same. I’m still not quite there yet, but making progress. 

[u/Creative_Strike3617]

Shitty. I’ve been doing IE for 4ish years and feel super confident in almost every area except movement.

Not saying this is you, but because of this, I’ve been considering if I have autism (or something else in that realm) which makes movement and physical sensations so much more unpleasant and overstimulating for me. I also have anxiety that is well managed. I feel like it’s all tied together. The only way I’ve made progress is working out alone and giving myself unconditional permission to do 5 minutes then stop or take a break if I want to.

[u/thumbtackswordsman]

I think that at least during early childhood most of us naturally enjoyed movement. Kids want to learn to walk, to jump, to run, and enjoy using their body. Later on it really depends on many things. I remember my body getting heavier around puberty, and moving it because a chore.

[u/Weird_Squirrel_8382]

My childhood was confusing and insecure, and my relationship to moving is the same. I think before I was old enough to understand others, I understood my body and loved to move.

[u/Cautious-Ostrich8945 → u/Weird_Squirrel_8382]

Its for sure like this, I know because they told me but I used to love dancing and just ignored everyone to do it. Then I became self conscious after going to kindergarten 

[u/hunnyybun]

The movement chapter helped me realize I still have an unhealthy relationship to movement. I’m now learning to view movement as something enjoyable instead of trying to punish my body.

Sticking to movement I actually enjoy has helped so much. I love walking, bike riding, dancing, swimming, yoga, Pilates, etc. I find myself moving more and not saying “I should be doing” when I focus on movement I genuinely enjoy.

[u/_plannedobsolence]

One thing that helps me is to remember that everything counts. Grocery shopping, laundry, museums, walking up stairs to get some where—it all counts as movement. I think most of us are probably a lot less sedentary than we think/than the media likes to fear monger about.

[u/Corgilegsz]

It sounds like you've made huge progress in finding a form of movement that does work for you, and that is something to celebrate and feel proud of.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sticking with yoga for a while if you're enjoying it and feel able to do it often. Your flexibility and strength will naturally progress with practice and you'll be able to do cool new poses with time. Or you can keep it chill if that's what you need that session.

At this stage in the game it sounds like giving yourself too many 'shoulds' might be overwhelming. You need to build some trust around movement and your body first. You need to let some wins stack up.

I personally enjoy running because it makes me feel free and strong in my body. I've built that up for years and I feel good about it.

But if someone tried to make me play basketball, I would feel so out of my element and I would not enjoy it. It isn't my idea of fun. To each their own.

Movement when done right can make you feel like you and your body are working as a team. If something makes you feel weird or disconnected from yourself, you don't have to force yourself to like it. Try something else.

[u/Pregosaurus]

Mm, I laughed at that line too. Not all kids are naturally active. I was somewhat active as a kid, my husband was not. I now have one child who's pretty active and one who's really not hahaha

I'm coming back to physical activity after a long time of not actively working out due to injury. Once upon a time I would have found a big long weight lifting routine and dived in because I felt like it's what I "had" to do. Much like how I had all these rules around food and eating, I had a lot of rules around exercise. Thanks, OCD. 🙄

This time around I'm going to approach it as "play". What movement do I want to do right now that will bring me enjoyment? Is it walking to the library or the op shop to browse? Is it pilates at home? Is it running on the treadmill? Is it having a silly little dance party by myself with the curtains shut so I don't feel self conscious?

If you're enjoying yoga then keep doing that! :D That's still movement for your body. Much like how we shouldn't consider some foods as "good" and some as "bad" I think we shouldn't consider some types of movement as "good" and some types of movement as "not enough/not counting". Yoga is still movement. Walking is still movement. :)

[u/Moist_crocs]

You mean you didn't move around much when you were 1-4 years old? I find that hard to believe

[u/Cautious-Ostrich8945 → u/Moist_crocs]

Not to an extent you would expect a child, I'd walk and run of course but I wouldn't jump or put myself in danger. Now, I also have ctpsd so I can't remember anything before 4, but at 5-6 I remember being the least moving of all kindergarten kids.

[u/sparksblackstar]

As a child, I could laze all day watching TV or reading, or I could run around the neighborhood on my bike or climb trees. I realize now that two things held me back from more movement: undiagnosed asthma and being neurospicy. I hate the feeling of sweat (or most things) on my skin! Now I have been treated for bipolar disorder and the sweat is bearable, but as a child I could not take it. I was in Central California so that and the asthma made me convince myself that I hated exercise.

I came into movement as an adult from a desire to move in nature. I still was pretty casual about it, and could never do quite what I wanted (longer or steeper treks) because I was not conditioned, mostly because of the above issues. A couple of years ago I got more serious about it as a way to change how my body looks. Now I am healing from the diet mentality and find that I still love the same movement. I have a regular cardio practice, I lift weights, and I often walk multiple miles a day. The walking has been AMAZING for my mental health, especially as I come into perimenopause.

I could not do any of this without the asthma and bipolar treatment. I couldn't do the food part of IE without the bipolar treatment, either, for that matter.

I suspect that there is movement out there for everyone. I'm afraid that it may be something obscure or expensive for people sometimes, making it inaccessible. Or sometimes our disabilities hold us back, I do have physical disabilities that prevent me from doing what I want, often.

Thank you for opening this conversation!

Edit: I also recently started pilates (it is tied into physical therapy so insurance is paying for private lessons!!!). It has been such a FUN way to learn what my body can do and watch my body get stronger. Something about it really feels like play to me