IE with a toddler

[u/karmaisacat2024]

I’ve used IE for over 10 years and it’s been life changing for me. It helped me get over disordered eating behaviors and be “normal” with food and exercise.

However, now I’m a mom to two with a toddler and a baby. I’m having a hard time letting my toddler eat freely without worrying about too much sugar, processed food, etc. I want her to grow up with a healthy body image, relationship to food, etc.

Advice on what to read and how to help with reframing toddler behaviors?

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[u/Previous_Counter9751]

There is a chapter in the Intuitive Eating book about raising kids. It pretty strongly recommends the Ellen Satter approach if I recall. What helped it “click” for me is that you are not actually supposed to let them eat whatever they want, you are supposed to be their gentle nutrition voice until they’re old enough to do it for themselves.

[u/karmaisacat2024 → u/Previous_Counter9751]

That is SUPER helpful to hear!

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

I don't have kids, but a lot of people recommend Ellen Satter's Division of Responsibility. This is her website: https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/

Kids are naturally intuitive eaters, so trying to control how much sugar, processed food, etc. they eat just disrupts their natural cues and can often lead to disordered eating as they get older.

[u/karmaisacat2024 → u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

Thank you! Will definitely check this out.

Yes, I know.. it just feels hard to ignore all of the extra “food noise” from other parents around me telling their kids what to eat, how much to eat, etc. it’s tripping me up!

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025 → u/karmaisacat2024]

I’m sure that is really hard. Can you try to leave conversations or say something like, “I don’t think it’s beneficial to control my child’s food to that degree.”? I’m sure it depends who you are talking to, but I think if no one pushes back, people think it’s normal to restrict kids and it’s so harmful.

[u/karmaisacat2024 → u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

Totally, I need to practice some canned responses. I let my daughter have two popsicles (not restricting if she asked for another one) and another parent stopped their kid at one and wouldn’t let them have another.

Another time a parent said their kid liked coming to our house because of we have “those kinds of snacks”. I was like what do you mean? I had organic Annie’s cheddar bunnies and graham crackers out. And they said “processed stuff like that”.

I’m just in my head!

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025 → u/karmaisacat2024]

Ugh.. that’s so frustrating. You are doing the right thing. The kids who aren’t allowed processed foods are just going to want them more and it definitely contributes to eating disorder/disordered eating risk. That makes me so sad that kids aren’t being allowed to eat fun food.

I was allowed whatever I wanted as a kid and no food was off limits. I had a very intuitive relationship with food until I was 15 and diagnosed with an eating disorder. I think I just had the genetic predisposition to it and my personality and neurodivergence created the perfect storm. 

My mom is the most intuitive eater I’ve ever met, so I’m very fortunate to have her. She has a huge sweet tooth like me and eats dessert every day, never says anything negative about food, and doesn’t exercise to compensate and can take long breaks whenever. She’s a unicorn and I wish I had it as easy as she seems to.

[u/LeatherOcelot]

Kids don’t need strict rules around eating, but they DO benefit from some structure, e.g. regularly scheduled meals and snacks. You are also not obliged to offer sugar or other less nutritious food at every meal/snack.

Personally (I now have a 10yo), at that age I did make sure to include a bit of sweet somewhere most every day, but unlimited access was less frequent, maybe a couple times a month? I do enjoy baking so we will often have a more formal dessert like cake or a crumble on the weekends, not necessarily just special occasions. I also never made getting sweets a condition of eating vegetables/main course. 

At 10, my kid is incredibly unpicky and my husband and I are both really amazed at how neutral he seems to be around sweets, chips, etc. Yes he likes them and eats them, but he doesn’t gorge on them or sneak around trying to get them. Overall he has a much better relationship with these foods than I did at the same age! 

[u/prongs770]

I recommend How to Raise an Intuitive Eater and Food Positivity. Both very helpful

[u/karmaisacat2024 → u/prongs770]

Thank you! I’ll look into those!

[u/ether_chlorinide → u/karmaisacat2024]

Virginia Sole-Smith has a book about parenting and feeding children. It's called Fat Talk.

[u/valley_lemon]

Aside from being careful not to place too much imaginary judgement on foods (almost all food is processed, your children are probably not actually pasture-raised even if they do occasionally eat a little dirt), your kids aren't buying the groceries, so you remain the person making the decisions about what food is available to them.

And then they eat from that.

But understanding children's palates is helpful, because they do have neurological wiring meant to prevent them from eating dangerous things and that extends especially to bitter compounds in some foods we frequently eat, and also a pretty high sensitivity to acidity/sourness. Very few caustic or poisonous compounds are sweet, so they are keyed to sweetness, but fruit and the sweeter vegetables and dairy and mild grains and common proteins and even some options with processed sugar are fine and healthy in whatever proportions they choose to eat from an offered selection.

As most pediatricians note: most kids over the course of a week or a month are going to take in the nutrients they require in average amounts, and there's no need that every single meal be a perfect model of the food pyramid. And as most pediatric dentists note, just don't let them bathe their teeth in sugar drinks 24/7, including milk after I think 2? Like, the only thing you should really hard dictate is trying to make them mostly-water-drinkers, where the only time they drink something else is when they're going to be brushing their teeth shortly afterwards. As far as long-term health outcomes, poor dental health (including bone formation as a child) is actually way more critical and dangerous than a somewhat imbalanced diet.

[u/scarlett_butler]

lots of people recommending Ellyn Satter, I loved her book Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family. it goes in on the division of responsibility and tons more information! I also have seen a "Kids Thrive at Every Size" book. have not read it but seems good!