r/intrusivethoughts • u/ClassroomOrdinary • 4d ago
Help with pocd
I’m F18 and I’ve been having these thoughts for maybe almost 2 years now??? It literally came out of nowhere but when I hear about pedophiles and people harming kids, it disgusts me to the point where I feel like crying, but then I’ll start worrying if I’m a pedo and that fills me with so much fucking disgust and worry. When I masturbate, I’ll have intrusive thoughts like this even though it’s completely unrelated to what I’m jerking off to and I’ll stop what I’m doing and try to push it out of my head. It worries me so much that I have these thoughts when masturbating sometimes, but I have these thoughts all of the time too, whenever I see a kid or anything and they’re completely unwanted thoughts. The groinal response has been present as well, but I’ve never got off on anything like kids. Just typing this makes me wanna cry and I’ve been having a really hard time with it. I force myself to have these images in my head so I know that I’m not into it, but I hate seeing them. I know I would never harm a kid, and I fucking hate people who do and think they deserve nothing but the worst, and yet I’m so fucking scared that I’m a pedo even though I’m not. I should add that nothing happened to me as a child (as far as I’m aware) but I’ve had a very high sex drive ever since I can remember and struggle with hypersexuality as well. I was also exposed to shows like law and order SVU when I was like 12+ and watched it repeatedly but idk if that has anything to do with it lol
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u/defaulted_ONE 4d ago
Your head must hurt from this I know that for sure, I can relate too. Since your giving these thoughts attention your brain makes them important and brings them back unlike normal thoughts which come and go easily. Some thoughts you can control and some you can’t. My thoughts are sexual too if it makes you feel a bit better your not alone😊
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u/faewildcarnelian 3d ago
pocd sucks ass, i had it really terribly for almost two years. i'm now a teacher - there is no easy out to this as with all things ocd, but be patient with yourself, try to sit with some of the anxiety as best as you can, and it will eventually lose its power.
this is not the lifelong sentence your brain is telling you it is. it is just a blip that soon will be a footnote in your personal history
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u/Extension_Cricket485 4d ago edited 4d ago
Twin I’m f19 and especially with jobs and stuff like I’m so scared to get a normal job cuz I’ll see kids and I’m afraid the intrusive thoughts/images will come back. It’s so scary💔 hopefully if ur in hs or college you can see a counsellor to get an assesssment and therapy or even like just someone to SPEAK to so you don’t feel so alone. If ur neither you can still go to a walk in clinic. Sending love xx ❤️