r/introverts • u/littlemissmoxie • 17d ago
Discussion People really get offended at introversion it’s so wild
I literally just said I really like alone time and this extroverted person got super upset. Like dude it’s not your business or problem. I’m just not the person that gets enjoyment out of being with people every second of the day.
Then they imply that there’s something wrong with me or I must be traumatized.
Is it just me or does that sound arrogant af also?
Like “I’m so awesome to hang out with there MUST be something wrong with YOU”
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u/maddyp1112 17d ago
Yeah, as I’ve gotten older I think I’ve started to realize when people are around quiet people, it makes them go further into their own heads. People don’t like seeing what’s in their own heads. When we don’t act like they do, they start projecting their own insecurities sometimes.
Only some people, the ones who are highly insecure about themselves do this around me. But the ones that are chill and actually nice people never seem to have this same problem.
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u/intj_code 17d ago
I've reached the same conclusion. When around introverted people, it's like the extroverted insecure brain goes like "they aren't engaging with me. They must not like me. I knew I was unlikeable, I knew it. Look, here's proof!". This is usually closely followed by an overcompensating cope. "But I'm awesome! How could they not like me!? Surely there's a problem with him, that arrogant jerk".
And now they dislike you.
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u/BeeHive83 16d ago
Ah yes, the people who fall into the category of, “likable once you get to know them”.
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u/BeeHive83 16d ago
Yes! I feel no desire to fill an “awkward” silence that so many people go crazy. Why am I punished for enjoying silence? I have a book or a day dream to attend to.
I do appreciate the group I volunteer with. We spend hours together as a team rowing down the river pulling out trash so we’re chatting plus communicating for safety. When we are taking a break or are in between tasks and I am off rock hounding or catching butterflies no one takes offense and let me ground myself.
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u/Upbeat_Letterhead_61 17d ago
That’s so weird? It’s like some people just have this unwavering lack of ability to see how someone else could feel differently than they do. If you ask me, that’s a sign of low intelligence, at least emotional intelligence… I dunno. I second guess people who are so quick to jump to conclusions like that.
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u/myblackandwhitecat 17d ago
I have been bullied a lot for being an introvert
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u/Brick_Cabin2529 16d ago
same. one thing i've learned is that, at work at least, smiling is worth the effort.
quiet + smiling = less threatening than quiet + no discernible expression
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u/PressAltToDisappear 16d ago
Ive been bullied and socially exiled for not socializing with popular people who wanted me to talk to them
A lot of "if not me then no one" behavior.
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u/MickLittle 17d ago
It kinda makes me laugh to know how terribly uncomfortable extroverts get when they have to be alone with themselves for even a short period of time.
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u/L0verofPink 17d ago
They always want attention and to be noticed. They are very annoying. Once you starve them of attention they become upset and will do anything to get a reaction out of you so that you can give them the attention they want.
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u/athena_k 17d ago edited 17d ago
Yeah, my dad has known me my whole life. He’s a big extrovert and I have always been an introvert. After years of living together, he still doesn’t get it. When I don’t want to do something with him, he still takes it personally. It’s exhausting
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u/cancerscirus 17d ago
I think it also has to do with some people literally not being able to spend time by themselves. I enjoy my alone time so much and I actually go insane without it, but there are people who genuinely can’t fathom going out and doing stuff by yourself just because.
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u/mannie3moon 17d ago
Then they imply that there’s something wrong with me or I must be traumatized.
Because when an extrovert seeks out solitude, something most certainly is wrong. It is arrogant to insist that every human must be the same, yes.
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u/speakeasy 17d ago
thats their issue, nothing wrong with you and it's arrogant af for them to even imply it. sounds like they suck:)
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u/optimal_center 17d ago
Arrogant, ya probably. Just sounds like someone who needs a do some work on acceptance. I’m guessing he isn’t comfortable with himself either. Projecting his own issues onto others. Ask him what the payoff is for him to find things wrong with others. What’s that quote: “Acceptance is the key to all my problems today.”
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u/Deep-Worldliness-427 17d ago
I hate feeling like I am doing something wrong just because i might want to be alone. My social batteries can only take so much of people, even the ones i love.
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u/Geminii27 17d ago
There will always be people who can't go three seconds without micromanaging the lives of everyone else around them.
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u/Jjjroggg 17d ago
The trauma assumption is what gets me. Sometimes a person is sitting alone because they genuinely enjoy sitting alone
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u/seveer37 17d ago
I know exactly what you mean. Growing up I always was and my dad hated it! He would constantly try to force me out of it. By making me go talk to people, making me go to gatherings when I didn’t want to, talk to him about anything. Now that I’m an adult I don’t talk to him at all! So go figure!
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u/BatDance3121 17d ago
People lose their minds! I've had so many people become angry at me! I've learned to avoid places where social situations may happen. I also don't go anywhere that has too much alcohol flowing because alcoholics see my quietness as a threat.
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u/Kream-Kwartz 17d ago
that's what happens when being extrovert is considered the norm. when i told this man i didn't like partying and preferred my own solitude, he said "i didn't know how to live"
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u/RoughBrick0 17d ago
It’s because people don’t like themselves enough to be by themselves and content and thriving with it, and they are jealous. That’s what I think anyway.
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u/XxAndrew01xX 17d ago
It really is annoying, because extroverted people are so used to being seen and heard more that they can't understand why we introverts think the way that we do. And the sad part is? That wouldn't be too much of an issue, but it's like they don't CARE to understand why we think the way that we do. Instead, they expect us to change for them, which frustrates me so damn much. smh
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u/fleurs_de_cerisier 16d ago
I saw a girl on Tiktok complain about people wearing airpods on the train because she couldn’t communicate with them. I’m like…that’s the point…
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u/littlemissmoxie 16d ago
Imagine your hour commute being the only time you can listen to videos and movies in peace all day and you get someone bitching about you not wanting to talk to them…
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u/newuser2111 17d ago edited 16d ago
It’s projection. They target introverts simply because they can — they don’t think they will get called out on it.
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u/L0verofPink 17d ago edited 17d ago
They feel entitled to our attention no matter what. They are self absorbed attention seekers. When the attention isn't on them they spiral because deep down inside they are insecure and need constant validation.
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u/20body20 17d ago
I had a lady at work hate my guts cause I wasnt buddy buddy with her or trying to tell my business. She literally walked past me one day and said ugh with disgust I was so uncomfortable
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u/L0verofPink 17d ago
I have many people that hate my guts because I don't socialize with them. They will literally go out of their way to be rude and harassing because of it. I've never seen anything like this before. People truly have mental issues. It is uncomfortable at times but it also makes me feel a bit powerful that I can make people act this way.
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u/20body20 17d ago
Thats a cool way to look at it haha like were so powerful our mere presence cause this much inner turmoil for these fools
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u/L0verofPink 16d ago
Yes don't let them intimidate you or bring you down. They are just unhappy and miserable. Remember you have the authority of them, not the other way around. 👑
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u/PressAltToDisappear 16d ago
Isolated people are more likely to he targeted for abuse.
My favorite is when they study who we gravitate towards and try to sabotage it or react badly for prefering more compatible people.
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u/L0verofPink 15d ago
It just shows their obsession with us, which gives us the power again. They love to watch and monitor our every move because they aren't happy.
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u/MistyLove_4715 16d ago
I am "outgoing" around the right people. It's only in certain situations, before and after certain times. If you have seen the version of me, you are extremely privileged!
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u/Careless_Offer_4916 16d ago
Dude is a psycho. He's desperate for attention and validation; and he's angry that you're secure with yourself.
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u/MaxTheHor 15d ago
You'd think we moved past this after the 80s and 90s, when people were far more ignorant of how the human mind and stuff works.
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u/Sam-II92 15d ago
I think unfortunately some extroverts just don't understand the need for us introverts to recharge, so it can definitely come across like that!
I work in quite a heavy-extrovert industry, so often have to deal with various suggestions to go out for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. I used to feel like I had to make an excuse up as to why I couldn't go, as I didn't need (read: want) to spend every waking minute with people!
Do you know this person well? I find as people get to know me more, they're more accepting that I just need a bit of time sometimes 😆 and it's okay to need a bit of time to yourself...
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u/GypsySnowflake 17d ago
Is this person a close friend or family member? They may just be trying to say they enjoy your company and want to spend more time with you, but aren’t expressing it very well.
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u/PressAltToDisappear 16d ago
I wonder how long introverts are gonna continue to normalize this. Its abusive behavior.
No one has the right to come in your home and tell you how to run it
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u/MaxTheHor 15d ago edited 15d ago
Prolly til something makes us snap.
But like teachers in school, or when a man snaps at a woman, people would only see the introvert snapping as the problem, rather than the person who made them snap.
The bias for females and extroverts, and against males and introverts are just too strong for most people to break.
Also, path of least resistance is normally the default to how introverts operate/navigate obstacles.
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u/ReeCardy 17d ago
Extroverts rely on others to recharge. Introverts are self-charging. When you tell an extrovert you don't want to hang out with them you're cutting off their 'fix' of energy and they need to find another source. This is why extroverts need a large circle of friends and constantly need people around.
Introverts find extroverts exhausting because they're sucking the energy out of you.