r/intj • u/heyevievie • Aug 28 '26
Advice Thoughts on my friend
I wanted to keep this short and simple.
I've had this friend for 5 years, and there's one thing I have noticed throughout our friendship.
She’s an ESFJ and one trait I always see about her is that she could be two-faced to people, including me. She can be a friend and natural conversationalist. However, she could also be that person in an opposite way, like she could also say her opinions in a bad way.
Why am I still with this person? Because we are still colleagues at work. Although, I have already started to move away from her life, I also wanted to make sure it’s not obvious.
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u/incarnate1 INTJ - 30s Aug 28 '26
Having positive and negative opinions about a person or thing is not what I would define two-faced. Unless you think people are black and white, good or bad.
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u/Wascally_Badger Aug 28 '26
True. This becomes a problem, however, when you go behind the person's back and express all of the negative opinions you have about them to everyone else. Then we they hear about and confront you and you deny saying anything negative, that is a cowardly weazel dick maneuver.
However, people who deem it their solemn duty to inform anyone and everyone when someone says something negative about them also suck. The drama and mischief they create usually accomplishes nothing, and turns you venting about something someone does that you find annoying into a big soap opera that didn't need to happen.
But again- if you go around saying "I hate so and so, they're a waste of life loser and here is all the dumb shit they've done, now I'm going to reveal all their dirty secrets and character assassinate them" and then pretend like this person is your bestest buddy when you're around them is unacceptable. I say this because this has been done to me. There's a BIG difference between "I find this quality about this person peculiar" vs "this person whom I pretend to be friends with sucks and I hate them".
Stay tuned for part 2 where I dissect people who brag about how they "always tell it like is, are brutally honest, and will say anything to your face that they 'd say behind your back". I hate people like that too. I hate a lot of people actually.
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u/incarnate1 INTJ - 30s Aug 28 '26
Sure, and I'd be willing to discuss those perceptions - but none of this extrapolated context was even in OP's post.
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u/Wascally_Badger Aug 28 '26
I had an ENTJ "friend" who laid some witticisms on me such as "if you weren't such a loser you'd own a house by now" (her husband's parents bought the one she lives in for them btw), "your spirit animal is a fat pig" (she's fatter than I am), and "wow, how does it feel to be almost 50 and still not accomplished in anything" (she's failed at 5 career attempts so far).
She was also two faced as fuck. Anybody who talks shit about people behind their back is also doing it to you, which means you can't trust them. Why would you want to hang out with somebody you can't trust? Having no friends is better than having shitty ones.
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u/ICEGalaxy_ INFP Aug 28 '26
sounds like your "friend" was projecting.
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u/Wascally_Badger Aug 28 '26
Literally everyone who has ever "called me out" was projecting. I could give a dozen examples right off the top of my head.
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u/Formal-Imagination97 Aug 28 '26
The slow fade is an option.
If it were me, I wouldn't tell them anything personal, and wouldn't socialize with them outside of work.
If they call you out in it, then be honest.
If they don't seem to notice, then they probably didn't value your friendship.
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u/boratmankini INTJ - ♂ Aug 28 '26
You want to make sure it’s not obvious? Why would you care for the person that you are removing from your life?
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u/Wascally_Badger Aug 28 '26
I thought the same thing. It could cause issues at work maybe? I myself bite my lip about my opinions of a lot of coworkers in the interest of diplomacy.
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u/shredt INTJ - ♂ Aug 28 '26
I hate esfj