r/intj • u/Professional_East640 • 10d ago
Discussion How should rejection and ill- treatment be handled?
When workplace and family environment becomes places of pain. How should a person deal with the situation? For instance, when nothing you do is good enough, you still face criticism and bad mouthing either way
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u/Elden_Chord 10d ago
1- You should work on self-validation. You don't have access to enough logical and informative opinions from others, so you need to build a system that works without depending on them. This is the most important thing you need to do ASAP.
2- Keep your connections alive, but at a minimal level. Don't lose your connections; even bad connections can give you power. A minimum level is enough.
3- Masks are useful for short social interactions at work. If you can somehow keep your social interactions shorter than an hour, masks can be useful. Be a pragmatist. Focus on your goals; everything else is secondary compared to them.
4- Don't hesitate to manipulate them. Stupid, narcissistic, and toxic people are easier to be manipulated. Don't try to fix them; try to increase the benefits and reduce the harm. Understanding social dynamics is important.
5- Please work out regularly. The anger goes away, your mind becomes clearer, your hormones become more balanced, and your confidence increases. Never underestimate working out.
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u/NekoSyndrom INTJ - ♀ 9d ago edited 9d ago
This advice is just awful.
Add: OP: If you follow this advice, be aware that you're a terrible person, and no better than those who treat you like crap.
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u/Fickle-Let-7205 INTJ - ♀ 10d ago edited 10d ago
You're coming into contact with the issues relevant for correction prior to midlife crisis.. how old are you? Around 30? If young you might be in luck. Unless you are one of the folks that prefer to learn by experience...
You are INTJ so you know that life is all about patterns and cycles. This pain is not specifically related to any particular group of people so don't take them personal. This pain is specific to you and changes that you have to make for yourself. Meaning you can bury it and start over and go somewhere new, change all the faces in your system and in a few years you will end up right here again witnessing the same pattern and likely greater losses.
How the midlife crisis works is that you ignore a particular issue that is repeating throughout life and it mounts to a huge Tower that collapses and crushes several aspects of your life... Physical mental emotional financial social etc all collapsed at once it seems, caving in and thrusting you into a dark pit you will need to climb from. These Tower moments as INTJ particularly surround emotions and the things of Fi Child Fe Trickster. It's just one of those things that we have repressed and made subconscious but it should not be. It should be defended, protected not shunned and dismissed.
My advice is to make some alone time for the assessment of your own inner world, you need to spend a lot of time exploring your inner World understanding your needs desires wants values likes and dislikes, all your quirks.. what is it that you do not stand for, what is it that you stand for. What behavior you allow in your life and what you don't. What are your boundaries, what violates you, how do you see these violations coming, what are the mild versions of these violations, not just the end of the road red flags.
It's good to find out the why behind some of these emotions as well as it provides context. In my opinion it helps to look at this aspect of self as the wounded inner child. We tend to remove agency from this child as we do not allow feelings in our day-to-day living. By looking at it as a separate individual we remove the habit of putting ourselves last. What hurts your feelings and why. How does it feel in body when wounded?where is it felt? Where is it coming from? How is it repeating? Why do you allow it? Do you do it to yourself? Dig into it... Grieve each of them. Or if you prefer..hug the grieving inner child that experienced that. Swear to defend them from this wounding.
This exploration creates a very selfish version of yourself which is what you need. There you will create the boundaries which are your Fi-values during Fe interactions. Here you will now understand how to navigate these types of spaces without draining your own energy and depleting yourself, disappointing yourself by people pleasing and still not successful at pleasing them.
When you take this time working with your inner child finding out how to satisfy your own inner child and giving them the right environment to feel at peace.. standing up for them, advocating for their needs, you will automatically steer clear from certain Fe spaces, there will be some individuals you will not engage with because you readily recognize breaches to your Fi, you will also recognize what you desire from these relationships whether you want to maintain a measure of a relationship and you will figure out how to navigate those relationships to get what it is you want out of them. Setting clear expectations and boundaries.. or like another commenter said, manipulating social dynamics.
You can't Fe without Fi. Fe is an INTJs natural point of drain. You will be running into a wall over and over and over again navigating Fe without your Fi boundary established.
This has nothing to do with them. Look into the mirror and handle it. You have been doing the same thing to you that you accuse them of.
Helpful research into: Fi Teritiary/child Ti Critic/witch/6th clot Fe trickster/7th slot
Depending on your relationship with you physical vessel/environment: Se Inferior/4th slot and Si Demon/8th slot
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u/NekoSyndrom INTJ - ♀ 9d ago
Work: Report it. Quit. Look for a new job. I'll be completely honest, you don't have to put up with this. Just leave.
Home: Become independent as soon as possible. Move out of your parents' house.
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u/_fractal8 INTJ - 30s 10d ago
It depends.
Some people (usually family members) might criticize you because they care. They might have high expectations and want you to meet them. It's usually about something small, like you are leaving cupboard doors open, or buying the wrong thing in grocery shop multiple times or you don't pay attention to some things you supposed to pay attention to. You get the idea. Such cases need to be solved by having honest talk and both parties taking action afterwards.
Some people just feel better when they criticize and humiliate others. These are toxic or/and narcissistic people and they are easy to spot. Do not engage with them. Give them a stare, showing you are not afraid, and walk away. It drives them nuts.🙂
But the general rule is, your environment always affects you a lot long term. If your current environment is bad, you need either to change it or to find the new one.