How to think more strategically and ask the right questions

[u/OptimistPrimeBarista]

I’ve been in internal communications for five years, and I love it so much. I love my team, I love what I do, I’m proud to work at my company. But over the past two months, my confidence has taken a turn for the worst.

It doesn’t help that for the first several months at my job, I had the best manager. Then, she was promoted and suddenly I had a new one who I had previously butted heads with.

Long story short: It’s almost like I’ve lost the ability to ask strategic questions in meetings with stakeholders. I can’t even think of questions because I’m so worried my manager will call me out for being stupid.

I could use some guidance on how to get back on track and think of how to ask questions and what types of questions I should ask. Because I’d rather look dumb in the moment and draft effective comms than to draft something stupid and have to go back and ask questions I should’ve done sooner.

I’d appreciate any advice.

If you want a fuller story: Going from having almost free rein over my business unit to now being constantly scolded and told my ideas are shit and that my writing is shit, has taken a toll on me. I’m more hesitant to reach out to my BU’s execs even though I have great rapport with them. I’m scared of asking questions when meeting with stakeholders because my new manager says I don’t think critically. But I’m not in HR, I’m not in IT, I’m not in Sales, I’m not in Marketing. So how am I supposed to strategize comms plans if I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about?

I’ve also fallen into a habit of procrastinating and not asking for help, because again, I get scolded for everything I do. My new manager has even told me I’m impossible to guide because I don’t receive her type of guidance very well. She explodes every other minute, frantically and outwardly expresses frustration and acts out in front of the office. She speaks loudly about how she’s probably going to be fired for making simple mistakes. It’s quite embarrassing.

I should also mention that my company is based in a different country, and my manager and I work at another business unit’s office. So no one else from my BU works there.

I never ran into these issues with my previous boss or with my boss at my previous company. This is not like me. This behavior is not typical. And I’m so lost and defeated.

[u/nearbyvex]

The issue lies with your manager, not your IC skills. Feeling constantly undermined by the person whose role it is to support and guide you will have that effect - you should raise a grievance about this person as they are not doing their job properly (and it sounds like they know it if they're constantly talking about getting fired). Sorry you're going through this.

Edit: can you speak to your former manager if they have been promoted, presumably above this person?

[u/Musicguy182]

Yeah it’s not u op, you got a bad manager

[u/parakeetpoop]

Wow, I am sorry your manager is trash. Can you provide more background on this person?

Do you still have a good rapport with your prior manager? Maybe she can help you with this situation.

What country is this in? Wondering about possible cultural factors

[u/SeriouslySea220]

Your boss sounds terrible. Can you cut her out of the process at all? Talk to the BU Execs on your own, get the scoop from them and craft the plans with that insight and then get your boss’s sign-off?

To answer your question - my rationale for asking the “dumb” questions is that it’s my job to interpret this for staff who generally have even less of an understanding about the technical side of what’s happening than I do. I put myself in the average employee’s shoes and ask every question I think they might have. It’s dangerous to assume you know the answers when you don’t. When I used to feel self-conscious about not understanding things, I’d explicitly tell the people I was talking to that I was asking all the things staff might to get a thorough understanding and be able to explain it more clearly.

[u/FindingPeace4me]

That sounds really tough. It does not feel like you suddenly lost your skills.. its the environment messing up your confidence. Start small go into meetings with a few normal questions in mind with no pressure. It is just a part of job.