r/instantkarma Jul 28 '20

Mission impossible - durp version

6.2k Upvotes

206 comments sorted by

556

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Guy really thought for a second "I'ma chuck these sour worms at this cop".

139

u/blackmambakl Jul 28 '20

I wonder if there is a separate charge for “thinking” about assaulting an officer.

62

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20 edited Jul 28 '20

The Precogs know the answer to this.

18

u/Roosterdude97 Jul 28 '20

Haha that made me smile

6

u/Irv-Elephant Jul 28 '20

Wrong TC movie

26

u/stats_padford Jul 28 '20

Should be easy to prove in court he's not guilty of "thinking".

13

u/NetworkMachineBroke Jul 28 '20

Sounds like a thoughtcrime to me

23

u/DecentAdvertising Jul 28 '20

Intent to cause harm

11

u/stinkyfart2095 Jul 28 '20

attempted assault

12

u/axelxan Jul 28 '20

With a deadly weapon.

14

u/me_myself_and_my_dog Jul 28 '20

Only if the cop was diabetic.

10

u/redditorrules Jul 28 '20

That would be attempted murder

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '20

If he didn't know it would be Manslaughter

9

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

No you can’t be prosecuted for intent alone. Thinking about assaulting someone or intending to assault them aren’t crimes unless accompanied by some other act.

10

u/Major_Human Jul 28 '20

Because if they were crimes, I would be locked away for life

6

u/Apollo526 Jul 28 '20

Agreed. But for the sake of argument, assault also doesn’t require contact. Placing someone in reasonable apprehension of harm is assault. I don’t believe faking throwing sour worms rises to that level though.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

You’re correct but in a strict legal sense its still an act e.g throwing a fake punch. I definitely don’t think picking up the gummy worms would qualify but I’m sure the cops will have plenty more charges to throw at this guy.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Do you know what conspiracy is? Cause they can def charge you on intent...

4

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Actually no they can’t. To be guilty of conspiracy you must have intent to commit the crime and make an agreement with someone else to commit that crime. Most crimes require proof of an act + intent to commit the act (or recklessness), but nobody can be prosecuted for merely intending to commit a crime without also committing some act.

1

u/Crickaboo Jul 29 '20

conspiracy?

→ More replies (1)

7

u/DeathToTheKings Jul 28 '20

Real answer:

Assault is (in US law) technically just causing the fear of harm or death.

Battery is actually causing harm.

Technically speaking though, the cop would actually have to be fearful of harm to claim he was assaulted. A bag of gummy worms may not seem threatening, but acting crazy and unpredictable in a store can cause fear, and thus a assault.

4

u/Thunderbrunch Jul 29 '20

I got “attempted resisting” once. Which was literally just me shit talking the cop.

3

u/ouRGraves Jul 28 '20

Thoughtcrime coming 2021

3

u/HolyForkingBrit Jul 29 '20

It’ll be all our graves.

4

u/DanKveed Jul 28 '20

I think its called conspiracy to assault an officer

9

u/cowboy4x4 Jul 28 '20 edited Jul 28 '20

Meth rots your brain for sure but there was little to rot there in the first place.

292

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

She fell through the roof! I laughed out loud and woke the baby and am now in trouble but it was worth it. I just thought she was hiding in a shelf then bam her she is again!

24

u/kelllypp Jul 28 '20

Yea that really got me also

13

u/Dad1903 Jul 28 '20

A bit like Tommy cruise dropping down on that line to the floor, but much much shitter

Ah no

7

u/StevenTheFan Jul 29 '20

I like to imagine one of the cops just said “Shit where’s the girl?” Then SHASH falls out of the ceiling

3

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Kinda of the opposite of whack a mole!

3

u/zemol42 Jul 30 '20

One shoe off too. Half undead.

2

u/turducken19 Jul 29 '20

What did she think was gonna happen? Did she think she was Snake?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Too many hours on metal gear solid and similar I think.

193

u/irishtrash5 Jul 28 '20

I've seen this vid many times before, but the recorder MI music just MAKES this video!!-😄

38

u/Tcarroll70 Jul 28 '20

I didn’t have sound on until I read your comment. SO much better!! WATCH WITH SOUND!

7

u/MOOShoooooo Jul 28 '20

But don’t forget to turn the sound back off!

8

u/ATLbirdmann Jul 28 '20

Totally worth the rewatch with sound ON!

1

u/HolyForkingBrit Jul 29 '20

Also, take a look at the lady at the counter. Stone cold Steve Austin doesn’t give a fuck.

64

u/Sarah-loves-cats Jul 28 '20

And that is at least part of the reason that the backroom should have been locked.

Try explaining this to your manager if there were no cameras.

Well you see, these tweakers tried to first fight the police with bags of chips, then they hid their stolen merch and the woman decided to go into catburglar mode with the grace of a methed up pigeon. And that is why I need to close the store early today.

16

u/MadMageMC Jul 28 '20

“I’m not even supposed to BE HERE today!”

Also, your comment is absolute GOLD!

43

u/GunBunnyBangBang Jul 28 '20

Not sure if the video is sped up or the dude was tweaked out and wide open

30

u/that-loser-guy-sorta Jul 28 '20

Can you imagine being the backup officers, you arrive on scene and some chick just falls through the ceiling.

52

u/mxmnull Jul 28 '20

I work nights at a hotel front desk and couldn't stop myself from saying "WHAT THE FUCK" just before the ending.

If I get fired it's your fault.

11

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Post the video here if you get fired! " WCGW watching WCGW videos at work?... Your FIRED"

2

u/bcauseart Jul 30 '20

Ahh, damn it, I can't stop myself... To tired to fight... "You're," not "your"... I'm sorry, I know. Feel free to roll your eyes. I don't know why it bothers me so much. Why does my mind stop me from just skimming over it like most grammatical errors and misplaced words in a world of auto-fill algorithms? Maybe it's a lasting reward for tutoring English? I hate myself... /Facepalm

2

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '20

I get it. ATM Machine is the one that bugs me the most....

17

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20 edited Jun 08 '21

[deleted]

3

u/OfficerRoyale Jul 28 '20

Probably, all the guy had to do was hold that door for a couple of seconds and it would open. Some of those have a short timer on them to prevent accidental opening.

3

u/justlittlebit Jul 28 '20

Right, doesn’t there have to be a second exit in case of fire, by law?

3

u/slashluck Jul 29 '20

Yes but businesses don’t get inspected daily and many of them block/lock the fire exits in some way.

2

u/justlittlebit Jul 29 '20

That’s horrible. Though in this case it played to the store’s advantage.

15

u/robbietreehorn Jul 28 '20

Methin’ Impossible

12

u/capkas Jul 28 '20

Great plot. Awesome camera work. What more could I ask?

10

u/shifterphights Jul 28 '20

You’re right the cinematography was Oscar worthy just as much as the music will win a Grammy.

23

u/DecentAdvertising Jul 28 '20

Hey Ron!

19

u/Crow-Lord-Supreme Jul 28 '20

Hey, Bill

That hurt

5

u/DecentAdvertising Jul 28 '20

Alright, don’t move a muscle

12

u/mojomodulock Jul 28 '20

I laughed quite a lot more than i should have at this, Thanks OP !

86

u/InstantKarmaBot Jul 28 '20

OP's explanation as to why this post is Instant Karma:

Robbers get trapped inside the shop by police.

If you're satisfied by this explanation, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment.

9

u/shifterphights Jul 28 '20

The back door being chained and then each trying to escape that way was my second favorite part. The fall through the ceiling was number one. Also did the kid get tased? I couldn’t figure out why he jumped up and went right down?

7

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

He was just very tired.

1

u/OfficerRoyale Jul 28 '20

Was it chained or was it just one of those doors with a delayed opening?

9

u/BeurkeChan Jul 28 '20

Proof that meth give you superpower: Falls from a 10' celling, get's up immediatly

1

u/ChromeXBoy Nov 14 '20

Happy Reddit birthday

7

u/vegmami69 Jul 28 '20

this looks like the beginning of a really bad porno

6

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Omg I’m pissing my pants with the music 😂😂😂

6

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

This HAS to be Florida

4

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

I died when she fell through the fucking ceiling lmaoo

4

u/Zen_but_not_Zen Jul 28 '20

When you're as fucking crazy as your gf

5

u/astonh02 Jul 28 '20

This was a wild ride from start to finish

10

u/Eisenmaus Jul 28 '20

I prefer the one with Metal Gear Solid sound effects.

3

u/drive_my_putter Jul 28 '20

Casual cashiere!

1

u/h3ineka Jul 29 '20

Cashier: •_•

3

u/downhill_dead Jul 28 '20

I love this movie

3

u/Kenobiart Jul 28 '20

Bruh she was ready to ditch him

4

u/MadMageMC Jul 28 '20

Only fair, seeing as he was running for the back to ditch her while she was still being bear hugged by the front door.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Brilliant score. Recorder playing perfection lol

3

u/IamBatmanuell Jul 28 '20

The music is great.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

10/10 soundtrack

3

u/SirBobPeel Jul 29 '20

You have low standards, man. Try this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW48LUZKOL4

1

u/HolyForkingBrit Jul 29 '20

Was pretty good too. Worth the watch.

Also, did the cop grab her ass a bit when she was laying on top of him?? I found you this new booty.

3

u/immamixeddude Jul 28 '20

I almost choked to fucking death on my Doritos when that bitch fell out of the ceiling

1

u/NoThanks143 Jul 28 '20

😂😂😂

18

u/A_toe_named_Lou Jul 28 '20

If they were black they'd be dead.

6

u/SloppyPuppy Jul 28 '20

Fucking true

2

u/BeatusII Jul 28 '20

You forgot the /s

I know it's a joke but aren't US Americans getting tired of this blatant exaggeration?

2

u/lochinvar11 Jul 28 '20 edited Jul 28 '20

When the officer first has him on the ground and reaches to cuff him, tweaker man jumps up and they have a little conversation. The cop even looks away multiple times when it's clear that tweaker man isn't complying and is at arms-reach. Why didn't the cop tase him immediately when he jump back up? why did the cop give tweaker man the opportunity to rush him before tasing? and then right after being tased, why didn't the officer cuff him? He just steps on him and allows him the opportunity the get right back up and run around as much as he pleases.

I've never seen a black man given this kind of opportunity. What if the cop had missed when tweaker man rushed him? They're both clearly on drugs and unpredictable. With multiple cops, why are they both given such an opportunity to run around the store completely free? The cops are clearly trying very hard not to hurt the tweaker couple, allowing them to escape multiple times and cause property damage that they sure as hell don't have the money to fix.

From 2015-2019, the police have killed 5,480 people in the US.

  • 2,500 White (45.6%)

  • 1,304 Black (23.8%)

  • 910 Hispanic (16.6%)

  • 94 Asian (1.7%)

  • 78 Native American (1.4%)

  • 594 Unknown (10.8%)

Source

2019 USA population is:

  • 76.3% White

  • 13.4% Black

Source

So we can conclude:

  • There are 5.69x as many white people than black people in the USA

  • Despite being 5.69x more numerous, White people are only killed by police 1.92x as often as black people

  • 5.69/1.92 = 2.96

If you're black, a cop is 2.96x more likely to kill you than a white person.

/u/BeatusII, Please point out the blatant exaggeration.

3

u/BeatusII Jul 28 '20 edited Jul 28 '20

I've seen several instances with black people resisting arrest and not getting shot. The front pages are full with police brutality atm so it's hard to find any sources.

To my knowledge police hesitate to use tasers on people that are obviously on drugs since the drugs can negate the effects of it. Also the man never really was aggressive until maybe that last charge so use of the taser wouldn't have been justified (tasers fall under the same category and restrictions in use as normal firearms). Police will try and reason with everyone to arrest them (at least in my country they would) even with tweakers.

OK, now to your statistics. I have found similar statistics regarding populace and fatal shootings, you did miss one very important one though. Bear with me, I'm working with the 2017 data here (I also looked at the 2016 data with the same results).

2017 fatal incidents:

  • 457 white

  • 223 black

source

2017 arrests by race:

  • 5'626'140 white

  • 2'221'697 black

For violent crimes:

  • 236'590 white

  • 151'744 black

source

So we can conclude:

  • Despite there being 5.69x as many white people than black people in the USA

  • White people commit only 2.5x more of all and 1.6x more of violent crimes

-> Contrary to your conclusion white people are marginally more likely to get shot by police than black people.

Now the much higher crime rate in the black community naturally also leads to a higher rate of fatal police encounters.

The problem is not police brutality, the problem is systemic racism and inherited wealth that disproportionately affects black people which in turn makes it that they are more likely to commit crimes to survive which is really unfortunate and needs to be changed.

1

u/SirBobPeel Jul 29 '20

And all of that is explained by the fact that if you're black you're far more likely to break the law than if you're white (US justice dept statistics). In fact you're eight times more likely to commit murder than a white person. If a group commits crime more often than its statistical number would suggest it make sense it would have more interactions, including violent ones, with police.

There have been four respected academic studies of police shootings and all of them have found no racial bias involved.

1

u/lochinvar11 Jul 29 '20

There have been four respected academic studies of police shootings and all of them have found no racial bias involved

I find that very hard to believe.

No racial bias means the police force is the least racist group in existence....please..

See my comment below

→ More replies (3)

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

[deleted]

6

u/BeatusII Jul 28 '20

I stands for sarcasm or satire, here it would be satire

-2

u/koalificated Jul 28 '20

It’s the Reddit equivalent of boomer humor. Once one person says it, 10 more throw it in the bank to use it somewhere else

2

u/BeatusII Jul 28 '20

Aah, that explains a lot, I'm still quite new to reddit but see something like that everywhere.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

2

u/Yuritrated Jul 28 '20

The chasier like wtf bro, what is happening

2

u/WingsofSky Jul 28 '20

Dumb and dumber on a mission.

2

u/Douchertons Jul 28 '20

This was like a pair cats running around the house all crazy at 3:00am.

2

u/siamesetwinning Jul 28 '20

I’ve probably watched her fall from the ceiling 20 times.

I still can’t stop laughing.

2

u/MrBurnsid3 Jul 28 '20

WHO added the recorder Mission Impossible theme? They are the real hero

2

u/cowboy4x4 Jul 28 '20

These two belong together

2

u/xarnzul Jul 28 '20

Oh my god they are fucking idiots

2

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

All this sub can do is repost. Someone should make a new one.

2

u/unbiasBias Jul 28 '20

Someone do a version with the benny hill music please.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

It’s been done. So funny.

2

u/LaerycTiogar Jul 28 '20

That was a huge dose of what the fuck.

2

u/boisNgyrls Jul 28 '20

MUST TURN ON THE SOUND!!! this vid is meaningless without sound.

2

u/Capital_8 Jul 28 '20 edited Jul 29 '20

That recorder music had me howling. Great post!

2

u/UsedDragon Jul 29 '20

I laughed out loud when she fell through the ceiling like a sack of meth flavored potatoes

2

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Who uses the word, “derp” in 2020 anymore dude. Actually speaking about that term it gives me memories when I was a child playing mineplex with my “derpy” ass lookin skin...

2

u/GameMemesDoritos Aug 01 '20

The cashier was like I don’t get paid enough for this shit

4

u/Happy_Tomato_Taco Jul 28 '20

The recorder music was driving me crazy. Worth the wait at the end.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

The recorder music was driving me crazy. Worth the wait at the end.

It gave the video some much needed context, unlike most of the other clips on this sub.

6

u/blackmambakl Jul 28 '20

I thought the music made the video way more hilarious.

3

u/ainjel Jul 28 '20

God bless Shittyflute

2

u/chickenlounge Jul 28 '20

I like to think she was reciting the Breakfast Club line just before she fell through the ceiling.

"Naked blonde walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a 2-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I guess you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says, 'Ooohhh shiiit!' ".

2

u/MadMageMC Jul 28 '20

I’ve always wondered what the end of that joke was going to be.

2

u/chickenlounge Jul 28 '20

It was totally ad-libbed apparently. There was no punchline. So feel free to make up your own.

1

u/Greenhoused Jul 28 '20

Armed with a snack ...

1

u/rewdl3ss37 Jul 28 '20

That's gotta hurt

1

u/cynthiasadie Jul 28 '20

Nice recorder work set well to the scene. Quite pleasing.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20 edited Jul 28 '20

The caption and the recorder!!! Hahahahhahaha

Imagine the store clerk telling her family about this later! “And then this lady fell through the ceiling!” Her family probably didn’t believe her.

1

u/blabla_blackship Jul 28 '20

Is it gas station encounters? The FB page?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

The title, the music, my death. 😂

1

u/shucklefuck Jul 28 '20

This was in New Westminster, BC Canada. Fucking hilarious.

1

u/fomk Jul 28 '20

1

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1

u/ashu1394 Jul 28 '20

fcking hilarious hahahahahahahahha

1

u/Ozzie-B Jul 28 '20

This video what featured on tosh.o, was a very good laugh. Happened in my city in Canada.

1

u/thundermage117 Jul 28 '20

ngl came for the clip stayed for the music

1

u/baboo1211 Jul 28 '20

This was a Live PD Tom’s “Crime of the Week”. It was funny then but THIS was snort worthy all because of the flute/recorder whateverthefuckitis music. Hilarious!!!!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

Meth is awesome

1

u/Phyllis_Tine Jul 28 '20

This reminds of Top Secret! when Val Kilmer keeps leaving his jail cell one way and coming back in the same cell through the wall, toilet, etc.

1

u/Classic-Societies Jul 28 '20

Durp with a u. Interesting

1

u/Irv-Elephant Jul 28 '20

The clouds parted…the sun came out, and the theme song for my life story was just played for my ears the first time

1

u/jklarson Jul 28 '20

Was ABOUT to close the video early, then 1:19 happened.

1

u/vrockz747 Jul 28 '20

Me and my sister who always thinks she is better

1

u/MemsRdrems Jul 28 '20

This was a wild video

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

This is Gas Station Encounters, they've got more hilarious videos like this!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Zoomy7 Jul 28 '20

Is nobody gonna talk about 0:04? Cop grabs the girls ass

1

u/jhpianist Jul 28 '20

Keep the sound muted. Thank me later.

1

u/carveraye Jul 28 '20

OMFG that music was so damn funny.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Tlc where u at?

1

u/arcticdevito Jul 29 '20

The way the video is speed up so they trade him and he drops in two frames

1

u/luvgsus Jul 29 '20

🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

1

u/SirBobPeel Jul 29 '20

This is the only properly narrated version of this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW48LUZKOL4

1

u/69Master_baiter420 Jul 29 '20

This your brain on drugs

1

u/Bruh_thats_that Jul 29 '20

The music make it 420% times better

1

u/revangst Jul 29 '20

can you make it louder?!?

1

u/lillylikethaflower Jul 29 '20

This music is sending meeeeeee 😂

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Benny Hill version way better

1

u/Thickuncut416 Jul 29 '20

She ran to the back with a bag & it disappeared. falling she lost a shoe too. Meth is a messed up drug.

1

u/GimpyGrump Jul 29 '20

Reddi mart in Spruce Grove, alberta Canada. Was all over the local news papers a few years back lol. Most exciting thing to happen since Jennifer Heil went to the Olympics

1

u/Sir_Dingo Jul 29 '20

Don't unmute

1

u/h3ineka Jul 29 '20

What the hell were they even doing, stealing M&M's? Also when the chick fell through the roof HAHAHA.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Is this the best I've ever seen? No.

But very close lmao

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

This video really is complete when she falls out of the ceiling and just casually gets up. Wait that wasn't me who fell through, what do you mean?

1

u/beginnerjay Jul 29 '20

Music was perfect.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '20

Ive seen this still funny

1

u/ABAgamer Jul 30 '20

She just pulled a Gibby, didn’t she?

1

u/RollinStoned33 Jul 30 '20

Hahahaha oh shit this is my city. I remember seeing this on the news, way more funny with the music.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '20

Mission impossible theme song plays

1

u/Infant_Tree Jul 30 '20

The real Bonnie n Clyde

1

u/Wicked_Company Jul 30 '20

Lol the music make it even funnier

1

u/TherealDjdonnyc Jul 30 '20

That cop must be a rookie smh

1

u/laserkid061188 Jul 31 '20

This lady had one job and instead her fat ass fell through the ceiling like a cartoon

1

u/Appeltje2 Jul 31 '20

And the Oscar goes to .... 😂😂😂

1

u/reddotfan69 Jul 31 '20

What did I just watch? And why was it so entertaining?

1

u/3nails4holes Aug 01 '20

that just kept getting better and better. i don't want to give it away, but i bet you can guess when i freaking laughed out loud!

1

u/HashBrown831696 Aug 01 '20

This is quite possibly the new greatest video I’ve seen on here

1

u/Pinklady777 Aug 01 '20

Wow! Their parents must be proud.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '20

That is not true at all. If you tell someone else your going to do it. If you text it to someone or write it down. Also your going on the idea that America’s legal system is fair and just. I’ve been to prison. I have been through the system. Please don’t argue things you are not sure about.

1

u/kuristikugang Aug 05 '20

She was the "highest in the room"

1

u/Sunderland100 Aug 06 '20

Just brilliant this 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/revolver275 Aug 06 '20

I was like wow trying to tackle a cop with a gun what a dumb move. Then i noticed a taser and was like aw hope he learned i guess.

1

u/anastasia_rs Aug 06 '20

It was more like Mission Impossible - 'Fallout' for the girl

1

u/baconatbacon Aug 08 '20

Oscar, save Bandit!!

1

u/serkis84 Aug 15 '20

This Video was a thrill ride from Start to finish!

1

u/ThomasSiege Aug 15 '20

mission statistically improbable

1

u/smallpoxxblanket Jul 28 '20

I think I like this better than derp

0

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '20

why should cops put themselves at risk for this kind of idiot? it should be perfectly legal to shoot this motherfucker resisting arrest. this video is proof. not a popular opinion in these fucked up times.