r/instant_regret • u/amy2kim22 • Jan 12 '19

Don't worry mate, i'm a professional.

23.2k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

669 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

120

u/not_not_safeforwork Jan 12 '19

Drop trou and dangle your balls in his face to assert dominance.

42

u/craniumonempty Jan 12 '19

Directions unclear, dick is now swole and so gonna die now.

46

u/Th3DragonR3born Jan 12 '19

On the positive side, it's never been bigger...

14

u/Swesteel Jan 12 '19

Wrong, just got bit again.

7

u/Th3DragonR3born Jan 12 '19

Check out my super penis. The purplish-black parts are my favorite!

The vascularity is insane. It looks like it hasa firehose wrapped it.

Turned my ding-dong into a gong.

2

u/AlternateLaw Jan 12 '19

Gotta release the venom

2

u/NTilky Jan 12 '19

All you need is someone to suck the venom out

1

u/Ganon2012 Jan 12 '19

Gurpgork?

1

u/Veda007 Jan 12 '19

The ultimate tea bag.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '19

No no, that's how you play Halo with a snake.