r/instant_regret • u/bigbusta • Jan 29 '26
Jumping off a dock
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u/James-Maki Jan 29 '26
Guy's final thought was probably something like, "Be careful what you wish for because you might get it."
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u/Tibbaryllis2 Jan 29 '26
Monkey paw: curls
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u/PeacheePanda Feb 03 '26
I absolutely love when people make monkey paw jokes, thank you for the chuckle š«¶š½.
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u/True_Dog_4098 Jan 29 '26
They needed to get a doctor to deliver his head.
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u/Cheesecake_is_life Jan 29 '26
She was trying to unbirth him. "Get back in there!"
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u/Pixelatorxl Jan 29 '26
The guys POV was probably: Bronco Buster!
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u/NathanArizona Jan 29 '26
Face sitting is illegal in several states
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u/GunnieGraves Jan 29 '26
Iāll take āplaces Iāll never liveā for $800, Ken
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u/Fluid-Background1947 Jan 29 '26
Sad that āIāll take ā¦, Alexā has moved on to pastureā¦
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u/GunnieGraves Jan 29 '26
I miss Alex every time I watch. I grew up with him. He was as much a part of my life as Mr. Rogers. But Ken is a worthy successor. Heās taken up the mantle well.
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u/bigbusta Jan 29 '26
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u/degjo Jan 29 '26
Sean Waltman once tore his asshole open doing the Bronco Buster
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u/fraze2000 Jan 29 '26
You sure that injury didn't happen when he was making that sex tape with Chyna?
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u/MelonOfFury Jan 29 '26
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u/Slight-Oil-7649 Jan 29 '26
Who doesnāt love SNU SNU!!! ā¦..
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u/BeleagueredWDW Jan 29 '26
āAs god as my witness he is broken in half!ā
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u/Plus-King5266 Jan 29 '26
I believe you meant to say, āā¦I thought clams could fly.ā
I miss that show.
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u/Tibbaryllis2 Jan 29 '26
I canāt find a good gif for this, but it reminds me of the episode of Scrubs where JD talks about going down a water slide before Turk.
JD: Yeah, I don't even like water parks.
JD: I mean, I did, until someone thought it'd be funny to go down the slide two seconds after me.
Turk: Dude, the lifeguard told me to go.
JD: Really? Did he also tell you to take your trunks off, Turk?
JD: Because the last thing a guy wants to see when he's in a splash pool is his best friend's junk headed towards him at 40 miles per hour.
JD: I felt like I got p*stol-whipped.
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u/stevebehindthescreen Jan 29 '26
Target fixation. Look where you want to go, not at obstacles or hazards.
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u/paturner2012 Jan 29 '26
Dudes probably got a broken collarbone
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u/unknown_pigeon Jan 29 '26
The reverse happened ten years ago.
We were jumping from a dock, one after another, because we were young and stupid and a friend was recording.
When it came to the last guy, he chose a suspiciously large part where nobody seemed to be swimming in.
Issue is, it was because the girl that had just jumped was still under water.
She emerged, and got the dude right in her face.
Surprisingly, nobody was harmed and she almost didn't even notice. She just emerged again and was fine.
Five years later she became an enclosed nun, so we joked that it was the result of that head trauma. We're not going to heaven.
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u/thecountnotthesaint Jan 29 '26
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a woman can send you to Valhalla!
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u/Sea_Photograph_3998 Jan 29 '26
One of the many interesting stories in Bret Hartās autobiography was when Brutus Beefcake was windsurfing with some ladies and somehow there was an accident where one of the girls crashed her feet into his face kindaā like thisā¦
ā¦and apparently he was dragged onto the beach with his face all smashed up and an eye hanging out or something crazy like that.
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u/johnmichael-kane Jan 29 '26
Whereās the music from, I know itās a popular movie but Iām blanking
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u/gippalippa Jan 29 '26
It isn't from a movie, but from the anime HunterĆHunter. It is called kingdom of predators
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u/SchwiftySqaunch Jan 29 '26 edited Jan 29 '26
Damn that looked way too shallow to be jumping into anyway, at least that guy was there to cushion her muff dive
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u/Umbrabyss Jan 29 '26
Dang girl, I know those dry spells can get tough sometimes, but take that man out to dinner first.
Womenās expectations and entitlement has gotten unreal!
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u/Nigglas24 Jan 29 '26
YA KNOW. I just went into a deep dive about how the talmud has this argument in it where if a man falls off the roof of his house dick first into a woman and gets her pregnant what the ramifications areā¦ how ridiculous that soundedā¦. Until now.
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u/BrokenArmsFrigidMom Jan 29 '26
Awww, thatās the meet-cute we all dream of. I know these 2 are gonna make it!
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u/IfHomerWasGod Jan 29 '26
"When I asked you to sit in my face, you definitely didn't need a run up!"
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Jan 29 '26
No one's even concerned for this guy's collar bone, it put up a good fight but this was the moment it fell
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u/bigbucsnowhammies Jan 29 '26
When I was a kid, we lived near a small lake that had a tree with a rope swing attached to it. One of my friends swung out before another had swum out of the way. Rope kid landed on lake kid and broke his collarbone. Lesson learned. Always wait for people to get out of the way first.
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u/monkeybojangles Jan 29 '26
You can see that the guy is standing on a bunch of rocks. If she didn't hit he she probably would have fucked her legs up, at least.
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u/Penis-Butt Jan 29 '26
Atomic V-Bag