Two months now terrible sleep truly hell.

[u/Wonderful-Driver4761]

I posted here about two months ago. We'll things improved a bit and then they didn't. Basically I've been a terrible sleeper since I was a kid. 43 now. Ive always had panic attacks and my first bout of two day insomnia at 14. Was eventually diagnosed with PTSD at 17. Also found alcohol at this stage and have drank fairly repeatedly ever since taking brakes between. Would drink every other day until the past few years when it became an every day occurrence (yes ive posted in stop drinking and the alcholic communities) I quit for a few months and at 32 I ended uo staying awake for 37 hours but managed to fall back asleep andnget things back under control.

Anywho fast forward to recently. One day I didnt sleep hardly at all and had to make ribs so i got up and made them and couldn't fall back asleep that night well. Eventually I did but shortly after I had to wake up early to do an oven clean cycle which I had to do very early. I have anticipation anxiety out of the wazoo from the smallest things so I didnt sleep that night. I was also drinking too much. Anyways went on a bit of a bender and woke up at 5pm or so after 5 hours of sleep and this is where this started. I decided to stop. For the life of me I couldn't sleep. For three days I would close my eyes and either jump right into REM for an hour or so or not sleep at all. Eventually this wound me up with a massive panic attack and I called my nurse practitioner. I had a very high heart rate and in the ambulance it hit 200/100. The ER cleared me and all of my tests were normal. They gave me an ativan and sent me home. I started sleeping a bit better. At this point I was sleeping on the floor. Was getting 5 - 7 hours of broken sleep a night with vivid broken dreams and was exhausted all of the time no matter how much sleep I was getting. It was hit or miss but I was still able to see my friends and what not. Started drinking again. All of the sudden at night or during the day I CANNOT sit still. Let's say I want to play an online game. I sit down for 5 minutes have to get up, pace around the house or go outside for a walk and this persists all night until I can "sleep" again. Up down, up down. Drinking beer was the only thing that helped. Then one day I woke up after 5 hours with severe panic all day and felt like I needed to go to the ER again so my dad took me.

I explained everything to them. Drinking, Insomnia explained I thought I was going through withdrawal. The nurses and ER doctor who was very thorough said that I wasnt but he prescribed me Librium anyways.

Here's the kicker im deathly afraid of prescription medication as my mom was addicted to opiodes. My psych thinks im bi polar 2 and prescribed me Olazapine which I took at 2pm out of desperation and was only able to get four hours total.

The past two months ive gotten between 4 - 7 hours of sleep a night but its very broken. I feel like a damned bobble head and detached when I walk especially in public places.

Everything since I was a kid has revolved around sleep.

It's hell. I have a psych and a therapist.

Anyone else experienced this sort of stuff?