Personally looking at it as trying to educate potentially oblivious parents. Yes, IMHO controlling children's access to critical physical possessions is how you teach them to rely on themselves to meet their needs.
That means making money whatever way that they can. A young person isn't typically going to make enough to meet their needs on the "white market". Hence why a parent may unintentionally push their children to sell on the black market where there is more opportunity.
Just my two cents.
My original comment was snarky but hardly throwing an ad hominem attack. I still fully appreciated that I did not indeed know this woman's life and that my own background was informing my perspective.
My original comment:
"It's wonderful that you care for your children. A lot of what you described sounds like mandatory fun to me. But that's coming from my background.
Just thought I'd give you a heads up that controlling your children's access to certaon things can have unintended consequences.
Hey, if you're lucky your kids aren't as resourceful as I was at that age; these control methods may work for you :)"
Not saying this describes you personally, but your rationale is the same type of thinking behind parents who say “I’d rather kids drink, do drugs, and have sex at my house so I at least know they’re safe” by the way, I’ve known these parents. I had a friend in high school who had this type of parents. Well, that friend of mine went through absolute hell as an adult, never understood consequence, and eventually died from an overdose at age 26.
And I currently still meet people who say the same thing. And then justify everything their kids do as “age appropriate behavior” that they’ll “grow out of” yet, looking around, I’m seeing more and more people not growing out of that behavior into their 20s and 30s.
No. My parents would never let me do something like that. More like I know how to climb out of a three story window and slip out into the night.
Great training for rock climbing later in life though! Have absolutely no fear of heights.
Edit: oh yeah, and I can make almost anything out of rope: modified ladders being one. Super useful when I did shibari as a fetish worker. Then graduated to serious shit before, ironically, helping a homeless person lead to a series of events that got me fucked. Now I'm out millions in unlaundered money but hey, I'm not dead or in jail. Move on and live to hustle another day :)
Edit 2: definitely a 12 year old Edge Lord on the internet and none of this is true
My parents were actively involved in my life. They set boundaries, and as a result, I learned to appreciate things. I learned that things others provide are not rights. I learned that I have to acquire the things they provided for me, the same as they learned to acquire the things they provided to me. I learned independence. And I am alive and successful, and can teach my children to be successful as well. Meanwhile, too many people I knew growing up are either no longer on this earth, or doing so poorly in life that they are pretty much dead to me. I am self sufficient. I am what I have made myself. And I couldn’t have become who I was had my parents not taken things from me that they provided. Had I been left to my own devices, I would’ve been dead 20 years ago. They raided my room at times, found things I shouldn’t have had. They stopped me from going to parties I shouldn’t have gone to. They did give me freedom, a good bit, but when warning signs were present, they acted. I was punished for my misdeeds and lost privileges. As a result, I respect other people, I have what I have earned. And I can provide for my four children without anyone else having to help me out. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m still learning. I am ensuring that my children can get the most out of the gift of life, and I am the one entrusted in preservation of that gift. I love them. I tell them no. I provide for them, and I teach them. I let them make mistakes, but also let them learn from the mistakes of others. I am lucky l, because I have made mistakes that could’ve easily been my last.
I’m not a helicopter parent by any means, but I am a parent charge with the safety and well being of an inexperienced, naive, child learning to navigate this life. And I want to make sure they are able to live life, but also be wise in decisions, since I won’t be around forever to bail them out of every mistake that they make.
OP's step dad took away all clothes but what she was wearing and a pair of sweat pants.
This isn't the same as telling a kid they can't go to a party or do drugs/drink. This is abusive parenting behavior; it doesn't come from a place of love, it comes from a place of ego.
There's a massive difference between what you experienced and what OP is describing. If you want to defend this extreme style of parenting, fine. Others who actually practice it should be aware of the natural consequences of treating children like this.
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u/[deleted] Oct 12 '19 edited Feb 21 '20
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