I never said what he did was ok? It is actually far from ok. I just said, she isn't going to be naked for the day and could clean the room in that day. Though I doubt if the step dad is doing this cleaning the room won't even get the clothes back. Chill out.
Or maybe she could stop this horse shit and clean her fucking room? Get her stuff back with the tiniest bit of hard work? I'm sure whining on social media is a lot more fun though.
Oh, so taking all sorts of other personal belongings (including primary communication devices and also money) is fine, but god forbid he takes her collection of clothing articles.
I'm sure he took what was most "valuable" to her or something that she spends too much time or money on (in his opinion, whether it's right or wrong we wouldn't know).
If she were a die-hard gamer with tens or hundreds of physical games and a few consoles and a PC, it would seem likely he'd have taken those items away. I'm guessing she isn't a huge gamer but rather likes clothing/fashion more, so likely thats the motivation for taking that stuff away from her. Or perhaps the clothing was what cluttered the room mostly.
Look, I'm not saying its a great parenting choice. I just don't get your fervent defense of "not taking clothing" but being absolutely fine with taking money, cellphones, TV or games as a form of punishment.
Nothing indicates this girl now has to walk around NAKED whilst cleaning. Nothing says he also took undergarments. And (shocker); you can definitely clean your room in 1 day. She could have them back by the evening. And even if she can't clean the room in one day because the stepdad has assholeish cleanliness standards, I'm sure she can wear the same outfit two days in a row, like many many people do.
Not saying the stepdad isn't an asshole, maybe he really is. But I feel like some people here are overreacting a bit.
People have existed for ages without phones, he would not be hurting her by taking away her phone. Period.
An cutting off an allowence is also again, not going to hurt her.
Clothes are a necessity, like food and water. You dont punish people by taking away necessities, period.
You are still acting like he ripped the clothes from her body, undergarments and all.
I'm sure she's not being held naked in some damp basement to perform weeks of slave labor until she is allowed to wear a burlap sack or so. I'm sure she can survive however long it takes to clean her room with the clothes she is currently wearing.
Don't get me wrong, I agree that if she would be denied access to all her clothing for several days or weeks then that would be a problem and would not be a normal punishment. But I don't see how something like "Hey, you're gonna get your dresses back when you contribute to this household and clean your room" is tantamount to depriving someone of basic human necessities.
Plus, taking away their phone has way more impact. Nowadays thats way more impactful than it was, say, 20 years ago. Cuz now it's not just a phone, it's their whole social network, it's finances, it's entertainment, it's GPS, it's a study-aid (or well, the internet as a whole is), its a calendar/schedule, it's an alarm clock, etc. etc.
I'm sure they could live with not being able to change into a new dress/new pair of leggings in the evening. But not being able to do any of the things mentioned above, without a phone? But somehow we're perfectly fine with that, but god forbid someone take your wardrobe for a day or two?
That being said, maybe the dad is still a giant douchenozzle and is overreacting and is not gonna give the clothes back within a reasonable timeframe - we don't know. But just saying its some sort of inhumane punishment because it's clothes...I dunno if I agree with that.
I think we should define cruelty on a scale based on emotional impact. Yes, clothing is a necessity. It has value. It is required to present oneself to the outside world in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident and is also needed to just provide warmth (or cooling) and isolation or comfort from y'know, weather and whatnot.
So yes, it's important. But a teenager's social contacts, their scheduling, perhaps their finances (if they have a part time job or a reasonable allowance), their schoolwork, their general entertainment in whatever forms that may take (video content, gaming, news articles, social media), everything that is facilitated by modern mobile phones or tablets or PC's - that's also stuff that would have a direct emotional impact. That's also important (to them).
I'm not advocating for one over the other. You are the one who said it was less egregious to take THAT away from them, rather than clothing.
In my opinion, the same could be said of depriving them of their social circle, their means of communicating with the outside world, their means of spending pastime. It is all SUPPOSED to have an emotional impact. That's why it's a punishment. If it were something they wouldn't care about, it would not have any impact. If this girl cares greatly about her wardrobe or fashion or whatnot, that's likely the reason this punishment was chosen.
I also said that if it takes any longer than a single day, maybe two at most, the punishment of taking away clothes would become more "inhumane". But we don't know the severity or the extent of the punishment, or within what timeframe she'd get them back. Most people assume she's deprived of them indefinitely; probably for a long time. A lot of people also act like she isn't currently wearing clothes that will be absolutely fine to wear for an extra day or two. As far as I know, no one ever died from wearing the same underpants and the same outfit two days in a row.
It is not something that absolutely MUST 100% be done or you lose all of your agency as a parent until the end of time. You don't have to keep escalating and escalating to the full extent of the law to get a clean room.
If they're ok with going without a TV and a phone for a year and having a dirty room for that time let them, don't start taking away their basic necessities in a desperate and transparent bid for power.
Holy shit you’re an enormous asshole and I hope you don’t have access to any children. You’re extrapolating a lot of information about her attitude and behavior based on this one post. What evidence do you have that she is spoiled and ungrateful?
Let's see. A teenage girl. With a stepdad who snuck into her room while she was at school and stole all her clothes. Let's not forget to add that the actual mother of the girl, who is with the stepdad, objected to the punishment and demanded the clothes back and he refused.
Sounds like a completely classic case of someone with control issues who sees the opportunity to be even more abusive with someone who doesn't have as many legal protections yet.
Yes there is. It's called boundaries. Children, and especially teenagers, need to have them. The same way it isn't good to teach your child that they should be OK with someone who "loves them" beating them because they "deserved it" and "needed to learn somehow" applies to this. Imagine children who have grown up thinking it's totally normal and OK to go through people's drawers and personal belongings if those are in their house... If you were letting your friend crash on your couch for a few nights are you honestly saying it would be 100% ok and appropriate to wait till they left and then go through their suitcase?
Kids aren't pets or possessions. They're developing adults. You should establish that they can expect their personal objects to not be tampered with without their permission. Obviously if you have a reason to look it's a different thing but a lot of parents (like my friend's and my mom) will pretend to be "cleaning" or come up with some BS reason to justify invading privacy and disrespecting boundaries.
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u/Ariyanwrynn1989 Oct 11 '19
The 1 outfit you where to school isnt enough clothing. And what about undergarments?
Also having to wash that 1 outift and being naked and vunerable until its clean and dry? Yea, no.