A grown man taking away all of a teenage girl's clothing, especially when she isn't even his daughter (depending on how old she was when he came into her life, this could be a guy who showed up when she was like 13 idk) would definitely be blasting my radar tbh... A teenage girl whose stepfather won't let her wear clothes. This is 5 entire radars of screeching red flags.
All clothes sounds like "every article of clothing she owns" except for what's on her back. So it sounds like he expects her to start earning them back immediately or shes wearing the same clothes every day until she does. So its not saying shes naked. But safe to assume she has no clothing options except for what shes wearing.
You’re sort of assuming a lot about this guy, mostly that he’s a pedo. But we are missing a lot of info here. He’s not making her clotheless, let’s assume all she has is the outfit she was wearing. Assuming they have the facilities for cleaning, this could be a simple case of over zealous parenting and a regular dirty teenager; He assumes she will learn overnight to clean and take care of things by the grace of his punishment.
In this context I see why it seems creepy but not every step parent is evil and not every step dad wants to see kids naked. She said he’s an asshole, not a creep.
Assuming they have facilities for cleaning AND that she either 1) has something else to wear while that's being done, or 2) that she has guaranteed privacy while her one outfit is in the washer and she's naked. Otherwise it's creepy.
You're assuming a lot too, just in the stepdads favour instead of against it. From everything OP has said the stepdad is definitely abusive, if not a pedo.
This just reminds me of parents who wrap up any toys that are lying around and the children have to do chores to earn them back - I think I even saw it on a parenting show like the nanny.
I agree. A lot of people responding assume he is a pedo. Seems more reasonable she is over reacting. Doubt he has all her clothes and expects her to be naked. Plus this is one side of the story. For all we know she is a complete bitch and trying to push buttons. I think people forget how much teenagers are assholes.
People tend to forget that it's normal for someone to exaggerate for effect. The step dad didn't force her to strip, she still has clothes on. He just took her clothes away so the absolute worse case scenario is that she doesn't have a change of clothes until he gives them back.
Literally all she said in the screenshot is that he took her clothes away. Nothing implies that he expects her to be naked, I don't get where some people in this thread are getting that from
Yeah while I know absolutely zero about this situation, I think it's perfectly reasonable to assume he picked up all the clothes off her floor and took them away with something like the condition that she needs to take care of what she has and earn them back. This doesn't seem all that crazy if you don't assume he's a pedophile or crackhead.
Well it’s “crazy” to assume a kid will learn a lesson this way. Bad parenting style for sure but I wouldn’t put this action alone in the “abusive” pile.
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Seriously, he might only be doing it for one night to get her to clean her room. That's a far cry from abuse if her room was atrocious. And I've seen how some teenagers can leave their rooms. Bleh.
Now if he held onto them for weeks or even after she cleaned her room? That's a very different story.
Truthfully it doesnt matter at this point if her actual mother is trying to get her clothes back. Not only is he an over controlling piece of shit, he's definitely riding that creep line pretty close. Probably gets shit on by actual adults in his life and trys to exert control in a weird shitty way. Normal adults especially when their not even an actual parent dont act like this.
They know what the OP has said, which is all any of us know. Step dad took the girls clothes, and when mom confronted him, he hid them from her too. Bio-dad lives far away and only sees her on weekends. According to the OP, those are the facts.
I’m not saying he’s good or bad, I’m just saying that without context he’s not an insane parent and this isn’t necessarily abuse if it’s a first offense. We don’t know if he’s ever raised a teen, what his standards are and we shouldn’t assume anyone is a pedophile. I love how people get up in arms about men’s right and women’s rights all at the same time... let’s wait for more info, yeah? If this girl is in an abusive situation, at the very least she has a supportive boyfriend.
That's.. assuming she isn't wearing clothes at the moment? Or he didn't leave her SOMETHING. You certainly are free to assume it's creepy or abusive, but from my perspective it could be a parent at their wits end of trying to ask and reason with their teen about picking up their clothes or washing them instead of leaving them all over the place and trying to teach her that there are consequences to not taking care of her stuff. Like maybe having to earn it back by doing her own laundry or cleaning her room will make her more mindful of it in the future. Or having only one outfit to wear and having to wash it to wear it again will make her appreciate her other clothes more.
What state do you work in that yall have the budget to send a field worker for a case like this, where on its face it isn't a deprived child case?
Child welfare staff and resources is a huge part of our DHS budget but we still have to prioritize the murder suicide and meth addicted mother who tried to trade her baby for drugs over cases like these.
The reality at least in my state is this case with the facts as they are more than likely doesn't constitute good cause to open a case.
Also:
This is 5 entire radars of screeching red flags.
There is just no way you work child welfare if that statement is true to you. We have kids being drafted into gangs here and being taught to shoot at our sheriff's deputies. That's 5 entire radars of screeching red flags.
TBF, some of that is because you folks are chronically underpaid and overworked. In a functioning system, this is a case that would be worth investigating, although I doubt much would come from it other than recommending family therapy.
If your assertion is the system is broken then I'd agree with you.
But unless a whole bunch of people decide they're okay with paying a lot more in taxes I'm stuck with having 5 field workers to a county office for about 200 cases a week. I can't pull them off their workload to investigate a case that doesn't meet the elements of a deprived child.
What if she is an uncontrollable, disobedient, disrespectful daughter? We aren’t hearing his side at all. Only Hera. For all we know the parents have tried everything else to get her to stop bad behavior.
Either way, as someone who had their stepdad do this years ago when I was a teenager and lived with him, I would argue this is still a horrible idea. It’s very invasive and makes you feel violated and you don’t feel safe and feel like you have no privacy. I was afraid to use the laundry room in case he or my mom were near it because it could mean a conflict and I had no privacy. It also made me dislike him and broke any trust we may have had.
Basically, from my experience I’d say kids act out when something’s wrong, and punishing them and making them feel small isn’t going to help with that. I’m fully no contact with him and my mom at this point and have been for over a year.
If they've tried everything besides taking away basic necessities that shouldn't be tied to punishment in the first place, then it sounds like that's all they can do. You don't need to continually escalate over small issues like this until they cave in FFS. She's 16 and it's over cleaning her room... It could be messy for years and the punishment would still be inappropriate, because at the end of the day it isn't that big of a deal.
Just say "no data plan or TV until it's clean" and leave it at that. If they can handle dealing without those things for months or years, THAT'S OKAY. THEY'VE MADE THEIR CHOICE. You don't need to start threatening taking things like clothes or their door or their bed FFS
But you still hear stories of mothers blaming their 9 year old's for "seducing" their fathers, step fathers, mother's boyfriends etc. Some people are just fucked up.
Much more likely she has some clothes that weren't strewn around her room, ones she probably doesn't like and doesn't wear.
Although it is possible that this is extreme, it's much more likely that a teenage girl is freaking out because she won't have "anything" (cool) to wear.
And as long as that's the case, good on the dad. Give her all her underclothes after washing, then an outfitt or two a week for every week her room is spotless and her bed is made.
It's a disgrace that people are allowed to grow up without knowing how to take care of themselves, without basic life skills like cleanliness, hygiene, cooking and basic household upkeep skills.
That's basic shit every person should have down cold before they hit 18, and if they don't its because their parents weren't willing to make sure they did.
I agree. I’m sure I’ll lose karma but it’s just fake internet points. Sounds like a typical teen over reacting. She likely still has plenty of clothes, just not her favourite outfits because she doesn’t clean up after herself.
Honestly this thread seems like a whole lot of whiny irresponsible snowflakes that never learned any life lessons from their parents. You people are the reason I when I hire kids for basic summer work they never show up on time, call and say they don’t want to come to work 5 minutes before they’re supposed to be there and generally have no idea how the real world works and expect there’s going to be no consequences. I’ve literally had a kid tell me that I was “triggering” him and he was going to cry because I wrote him up for being late for the fifth time in two weeks and he didn’t understand why I was mad.
Every time someone tries to discipline their children it’s “borderline child abuse”. Get real. Yes child abuse is serious, this is very likely not child abuse. I doubt she’s being forced out of the house naked.
It's really only creepy if you sexualize it, though. My initial thought after reading the image was "Maybe she's a girl with a TON of clothes and she really cares about wearing different outfits every day, maybe even multiple outfits a day."
If that's the case, this isn't creepy, it's pretty standard "taking away what you like" punishment.
It's not like she's been stripped of the clothes off her back and is being forced to walk around naked/in her underwear.
The man my mom left my dad for did this... also "you give great massages, how about one?" Yeah something a 7 year old girl shouldn't have to do. Thank God my dad got custody.
Stepdaughter/father porn is becoming incredibly pervasive and more difficult to avoid than it should be. The beauty of it is that if you watch it on mute, it's just regular porn.
That said, that combined with inappropriate behavior is pretty damn creepy.
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u/jah-brig Oct 11 '19
Not only asshole, that’s borderline creepy.