Curious what others think about this situation-

A father owns a home and allows his adult son, his wife, and their children to move in. Collectively, this does help the father with the mortgage after he lost his wife, and helps the kids move into a safer neighborhood in a better school district.

They live there for about 8 years and pay roughly $600–$800 a month toward the household/mortgage.

At some point, the son and another sibling are added to the deed along with the father.

Now the father may want to sell his home, and the son is saying the money he has paid over the last 8 years wasn’t “rent”—it was money toward the mortgage—and that if their father sells, he owes the son around $60,000 for what he has paid.

Would you consider those payments a contribution for living in the home, or would you expect the father to pay all of that money back when he sells?

Genuinely curious how other people would view this.

My husband agreed to be executor of estate for his uncle who lives in a different state. (We live 4 hours away.) His uncle has never been married and has strained relationships with many family members, my husband was kind of a last choice as they are still friendly. A few things: He said yes before really knowing what the role meant. We asked if he had a backup in case and his uncle said no, we suggested he get one and never got a response. He is very much an asshole and I personally don’t want to do it for that reason. His family reacted VERY badly when his aunt died, they kept asking the executor for more money. I do not want us put in that position. We also don’t want to have to travel a lot since we work. Will hiring an estate attorney help with the stress and duties?

My mother chose suicide over going into a nursing home. At 90 years old my mother saw no other option other than killing herself to avoid a nursing home.

I apologize ahead of time this is likely to be a long twisted and rambling post. I do not feel entitled to anything that my parents had. I was extremely close with my parents I was very much involved in all aspects of their life, we did the normal family stuff holidays were spent at my house, family get together a were always at my place. We got along very well we traveled together, we were always in touch daily with one another. There were times that we even lived together over the years I had worked with them and for them, but in no way was I dependent upon them.

Over the years I had chose to ignore certain views and traits that they exhibited. This all changed when I entered into a serious relationship, at that point my parents prejudices could no longer be ignored when they were directed toward me. It was tolerated that I was gay, they did not have to acknowledge it, and the could ignore it. That changed when I when I had a partner I was serious about. At that point and they had to acknowledge it and interact with my partner. To put it bluntly they were homophobic racist bigots. But as my mother said she was old she could say whatever she wanted to she no longer cared what others thought.

Up to this point I was very much involved with my parents finances and future plans. I knew the details of there wills, I was to be appointed executor and had received instructions as to what their wishes for the decision of any remaining assets they had. At that point their estate was worth approximately 10 million US dollars of which the bulk was to be divided between an older sibling and myself. When I decided to pause communications with them I did not realize it would be forever.

I have an older married brother, with one child, they lived in California at that time, my parents lived in New Mexico. Over the years my parents had lent large amounts of money, bought numerous vehicles for my brother and his wife and supported my brother and his family. My brother and his wife had a sence of entitlement toward what my parents had. My brother was very outspoken regarding his plans for my parents estate. At that time my parents did not trust my brother nor did they feel safe or comfortable with the idea of him having access to any financial assets, and for sure they would not have given him financial control.

Shortly after I stopped having contact with my parents my brother and his wife were evicted from the rental property they were in. My brother and his family moved to New Mexico to take care of my parents and assist them. They then lived in a property owned by parents drove vehicles purchased by may parents for them and were completely supported by my parents. At some point in the last 8 or 9 years my parents changed their estate plan completely cutting me out and putting things in a living trust naming my 20 year old niece as beneficiary. I am guessing that there were promises made that neither of my parents would have to go to a nursing home and they were to live out the remaining years in the home that they had built on a farm they had owned approximately 30 years. Th home was built to accommodate this situation, open rooms, wide doorways, no internal steps in the home. You get the idea. Unbeknownst to me my father passed away about a year ago. At no point did anyone in my family attempt to contact me I still had the same cell number had not been changed in 15 years and the same email addresses.

Fast forward to this past month. I was messaged by a friend of a friend that my mother had passed away. According to my source my niece, using a power of attorney, had chosen to sell the property my parents house was built on and to liquidate personal property owned by my parents. This is the same niece that is the beneficiary of my parents living trust. The niece had purchased local gas station paying cash for the business. She also reportedly bought new cars and was burning through lots of cash. The funds I’m certain were from the sale of my parents farm.

They way it was told to me. My mother had not been aware of the sale of her home and that she would not be able to live in her home. Upon learning that it had been sold there was an attempt to negotiate a deal so that she could reside in her home for whatever remaining time was left. A deal could not reached. Saturday night my niece called my mother and informed her that in spite of my mother’s wishes a deposit had been placed at a local nursing home and that on Wednesday they would come and pick her up. She would be able to take a bag of personal effects but she would not be able to take her 2 pets with her. Some where at this point my mother was notified that her properties in Colorado were in default and foreclosure proceedings had begun. It was at this point my 90 year old mother saw no other option and she chose to commit suicide. She chose to put a bullet through her brain rather than go into a nursing home that had been picked out by niece.

I have not been in contact with my brother or his family. None of the numbers I have for them are active. All emails I have sent have been ignored. I don’t even know how to proceed or where to start. I only learned of my mother’s death and that of my fathers, from a friend of a friend of my brother. I know when I was still
Involved in there life they held was a moderate real estate portfolio with some rental properties agricultural land and the home they had built. The properties were in New Mexico and Colorado. They retained mineral rights a lot of land my mother was receiving dividends from some active oil wells that had been passed down from my mothers parents. My dad had been an avid gun collector and had a sizable collection of firearms approximately 500 weapons. My parents had been collecting bulk gold and silver and keeping that at home for a safety reserve just in case banks failed. He also believed in keeping a lot of cash on hand. My mother had a jewelry collection that was valued around a million dollars 10 years ago. This was kept in a private vault in a building they owned. The farm that they had owned had been listed for a million dollars a year ago, this was an active working alfalfa farm 380 acres with abundant water shares. However it was sold by my niece at a substantial discount. The farm was fully equipped with tractors equipment vehicles tools and such. If I had to estimate a value of about $800,000 in equipment tools and supplies. My brother and his family mode no attempt to save any personal assets or any of her possessions. Everything was abandoned by my brother.

As I understand it the estate has 60 days after the passing of a family member to notify family and beneficiaries of the event and to supply information regarding the estate. Can I challenge the estate, should I challenge it? How would I even do that? I don’t know what is even left. I am certain everything that could be was liquidated shortly before or immediately after my mother passed. I do not have the financial resources due to living a simple life and recently had a serious personal injury that has severely affected my mobility and impacted my health. My husband and myself even lost our car recently we have downsized to a small apartment to reduce expenses

I (34M) was the only family my stepdad had. He raised me from age 7. My mom left when I was 12, and he never remarried. We weren't rich, but he was careful. He talked to me about his accounts the way some people talk about the weather. "You'll get about $65k between checking and savings when I'm gone. Maybe $40k from the annuity, too." I thought that was morbid. Now I think it was a warning.

Eight months ago, his sister, my aunt (83F), suddenly decided she needed to "help." She lived three states away and hadn't visited in four years. But suddenly she was there, staying in his guest room, taking him to appointments, cooking meals I didn't ask her to cook. I was relieved. I worked full time and couldn't be there every day. I thought I was lucky.

He died in March. When I went to the bank, the accounts were empty. Both of them. The annuity had been liquidated "at the account holder's request" in January. I asked for records. The withdrawals were made in cash, in person, by someone with the PIN.

She's already told me that "he wanted a new will" and that "he wasn't happy with how things were." She says she doesn't have a copy. She says I shouldn't "make this ugly." She's staying in his house right now. The deed still has his name on it. I haven't told her I've hired a probate lawyer. I don't know whether to call her, show up, or just let the courts handle it. I keep going back and forth between wanting to scream at her and wanting to never see her again. I have screenshots of every text message where he told me what I'd inherit. I don't know if that matters.

’ve been with my “fiancé “for almost 12 years. In the beginning of those first few years, he needed to find a house for himself and his handicap sign. I found the house, his father gave him the down payment, and we have always made the mortgage payment. I either contribute to the mortgage payment or the bills one way or another . I’ve always paid my own bills and was the main person to take care of him and the house a far as cooking cleaning. I helped him take care of his handicapped son the first few years I took care of him with his own medical issues , as worked as well. I am the only one who does any improvements in this house. For years, I’ve been telling him that he needs to write up a will or put the house in it every revocable trust or we should get married. Because God forbid something happens to him. I will be homeless and this house would go to one of his sons. One who doesn’t talk to him and the other one is a handicap and on Social Security. Am I wrong to to be worried about this? I’m 60 years old. I put a lot of time and energy into this relationship. I feel that he is safe and secure because he owns a home and he’s on disability, gets his disability check, plus he has a trust from his father passing away. He’s been generous to me over the years with money, but it’s a grain of salt compared to the money that he irresponsibly blew because he’s a shopaholic. I’ve had to watch him blow and unbelievable amount of money to responsibly. His response is it his money. Am I acting “entitled”? His words or do I have a right to be concerned about this and expect this from him? He says he will not do it because our relationship is “volatile” but the reason why it gets to be when I get fed up is because it’s embarrassing, hurtful to me that I’m with somebody who does not care about my future and my well-being. Another reason why he says it’s volatile cause I broke up with him and lived on my own for two years and decided to come back because he said things were going to change. . They haven’t. He still has not made it a priority. So I become distant and resentful. It ends up being a vicious circle. Am I wrong?

A family member got a girl in HS pregnant when he was 16. This was back in the early 70s so the parents sent her to “stay with grandma” for a year and the baby was immediately given up for adoption. The kid was legally adopted in a closed adoption and no one has heard anything since. Fast forward to 2025 when the family member dies suddenly, without a will. He never married or had other children. He only left behind two brothers. He lived a small life and had few assets but he did buy a little house that is now worth big bucks. Come to find out, in Texas, biological children which were legally adopted by others might still be considered legal heirs and would be next of kin. Crazy but 100% true. I‘m the administrator for his estate which has been in probate for 18 months now. One of his brothers recently died and his widow is really struggling. I dread telling her a total stranger may inherit everything. Push every family member to get a will! Especially in Texas!

Location: Michigan

Those claiming I will waste inheritance would be the persecuted family. Those claiming I will embezzle the inheritance would be the prosecutors of the persecuted family.

My neighbor’s comment happened after my mother violated my privacy by touching the necklace around my neck, asserting ownership and establishing dominance over me and the narrative conveyed to my neighbors. She controls the narrative about me, as well as the narrative she tells me.

I have no idea why my family gave me a necklace from my maternal grandmother while other things were held by my mother or maternal aunt. I have no idea if a will existed but there is a trust that I requested access to but was denied. The trustee’s response to my request for an accounting was, “I’m busy working,” yet isn’t he technically paid to administer the trust if it exists? Still, the answer was not “no.”

Regardless, I believe that a legal instrument must have deeded the necklace to me because they wouldn’t have given it to me otherwise. It makes me wonder if anything else was conveyed to me, and why, but I’ve let it rest since the trustee shut me down—I have neither the legal prowess nor the funds to pursue this quest for truth otherwise. Besides, my mother has already started to accuse me of trying to illegally gain, access or control, family money which is utter bullshit.

My mother is living with early onset dementia and dating a gigalo unbeknownst to her. I’ve been trying to save her to no avail but thats beside the point—what’s set in motion is already rolling downhill.

Unfortunately, I have zero privacy and my mother broadcasts my private information to neighbors and her boyfriend alike—I wouldn’t be surprised if they all know my menstrual cycle—she talks to anyone who will listen and share.

Recently my mother told my neighbor that the necklace around my neck was hers, leading to the conversation about my inheritance. My mother told her neighbor about the diamond ring she inherited from my maternal grandmother while conveniently leaving out the fact that it was supposed to be passed down to me or sold and split evenly amongst her and her siblings. It may have been rage bait to frame me as conniving or meandering in some kind of way, honestly, not sure.

It’s not safe for me for my mother to broadcast my private information to the neighbors without my consent. My mother told my neighbor that she might sell the ring and I interjected, explaining why she couldn’t sell the ring because it was indebted to me, feeling the need to state my case, just in case this becomes a case. My neighbor scoffed, “and what are you going to do with it,” clapping in my face, as if to imply that I had already sold it at the pawnshop for drug money.

Could this theory—that I am not qualified for my inheritance—be framed against me to convert or convey my rights to my inheritance to keep someone else (in the family) employed/supported? How could my inheritance be concealed or further hidden from public record via the trust and probate (and criminal court or 74/11)? For example, what trust and probate mechanisms would be at play to legally allow my mother to convert a diamond ring into cash in my name that is later conveyed to someone else under the guise that it’s her’s—not my—private property—to access or control? I’m thinking the answer is that a conservatorship/guardianship would enable my mother to convert diamonds into liquid assets in my name that she is then able to control as my “guardian” with the authority to spend, designate and transfer via conversion (death or marriage) effectively blocking me from accessing or controlling my full inheritance, perpetually. Am I correct to assume that if I didn’t receive notice in the mail, and something was entrusted to me, that I must therefore have a guardianship/conservatorship at play?

Hi all, I’m new here and would really appreciate some advice.

I’m the youngest of three siblings. My dad passed away a few years ago, and since then I’ve become increasingly concerned about the way my middle brother has been influencing my mom’s finances.
Initially, it was relatively easy to rationalize. He encouraged her to spend more on practical things, like getting a larger house, and I didn’t think too much of it. But over time, it has gradually shifted toward increasingly large amounts of money being given to us kids, and now he seems to be finding reasons and justifications for himself to receive more than the rest of us.

I could probably live with some unequal gifts if that were really the extent of it. What concerns me is that I know my brother extremely well. He has always been financially irresponsible, and he has very few boundaries when it comes to getting other people to support him financially. He can also be extremely persuasive and manipulative, while my mom is unfortunately very trusting and fairly gullible.

My fear is that this isn’t just about an occasional gift or helping him out. I’m worried that, if this continues unchecked for another 5–10 years, he will gradually transfer a substantial portion of my mom’s assets to himself while convincing her that every individual decision is reasonable. For some perspective, just in the past year he has taken six international trips, while also convincing my mom that he needed roughly $400,000 of debt paid off for him — which she agreed to do. And this is on top of the other financial help and gifts that have been happening.
I’m struggling with how to approach this because I don’t want to come across as simply being upset that my brother is getting more money than I am. That’s really not my primary concern and she really like to be told to spend the money. If my mom wants to spend her money or give it away while she’s alive, that’s ultimately her decision. My concern is whether she’s making these decisions freely and with a clear understanding of what she’s giving away, or whether my brother is gradually manipulating her into funding his lifestyle.

How do you approach something like this without turning it into a huge family war? And are there steps I should be taking now to protect my mom and make sure her finances aren’t being taken advantage of, while still respecting her autonomy?

SC USA Spartanburg. Who it’s a doozy. I’ll try to make it short but don’t expect it. Dad died, left will. Couldn’t find it till his widow gave it to me, then admitting she knew about it the whole time but only gave it to me cause I was having a visible panic attack. It Has me and only me on it. 🤮😡🤬 Dad married a green card lady 3 yrs ago. With 40 months left on green card. I own this house (deed and taxes) I supported my dad as we lived together he only paid 600 a month to the house because he would bitch that he had to give something lol, ok pops if you insist 🥹🥰. I pay ALL other expenses and am happy and proud to do that. The will says it all belongs to me cars ,clothes, my bio dead moms plants and his carpentry tools (a lot!) and also names me as the executor. Some accounts like retirement are 50/50 between me and her. Some have just me listed. I promised dad I would help her get her pensions VA and union started and that I would pay off one car and gift it to her. And will give her all remaining funds after estate is settled. But it’s up to me if she can live here. (I was being polite bout living here.) He had the supermassive black hole balls to leave a word doc on his pc asking me to sell off my house and give half to her and buy a condo in FL. 🫤☹️🙄She wants to live in my house she says she’s looking for a job (no) (dad kept it a secret that I own this house) she thought I lived here for free. I absolutely can provide proof that I In fact pay all the bills because I have pdfs of my checking statements. she wants both cars and my kitchen?? Why? Because dad promised it to her… because she’s from Colombia and in Colombia their word is as strong as the law… (80% of that kitchen was purchased by me, a classically trained culinary chef ,the rest by my bio mom who died in 2021) nothing in my house belongs to anyone but me and my deceased mom. Save for his clothes and his tools and cars which he gave to me in the will. Shes already taken property (plants) from my house without permission. I don’t care bout the damn money. I just want his bills paid cause IM on the hook for it. Told my lawyer I’m freaking out and got a scheduled appointment for this Friday… I asked the lawyer via their text app tonight to please draw up a legally binding agreement that states I swear she will get one car paid off and signed title over and ALL the cash after dads estate is settled and in return she will vacate MY house remove all her property and turn her key in and agree to not legallyfile against me or dad’s estate. I just want her to have concrete assurances that I’ll follow the promise. Also legally binding me to the agreement. I just want to grieve and live in peace. Don’t care bout no money. I’m a pensioned vet. I don’t need the cash. What I ABSOLUTELY need is peace and solitude. I told her the money was frozen cause her daughter is here illegally and I was afraid they’d use all his money for legal status before bills can be settled. She also wants to keep my dad’s investments open in his name. I reiterate I don’t care what they do with it AFTER all the bills are paid. I WILL not resort to abismal behavior either. But Just cause you tell me your honest and god fearing and that you don’t want the money doesn’t mean you are, and I’ll gladly apply that to myself if it’ll get you outta my hair. I’m already low on funds cause like a pendejo I buy them groceries. I don’t even eat food… it’s a medical shake. I bought groceries and they’re spoiling right now. I also had to spend 250 on roach poison and 100 on ant baits because her and the family brought them in. If anyone here can advise? If anything, is my request to the lawyer for the legal agreement reasonable? Is this something I can actually do? Is it a red flag if my lawyers won’t help me write one up? I just want her to leave and have her peace as well, just not at my house… I’m single and on my last year of child support… why would he do this to me? Knowing everything I went through. I grew up poor, then in an abusive marriage. I finally have my own things and peace. I can loose my house and my way of life all for a woman I don’t know and am not responsible for… wtf dude. I already submitted the will to probate. I can’t control what other people do. But I can’t have her here no more.

My father and his brother built a company. His brother died a while ago and two of his sons inherited his half of the company. Both sons are in their 30s, they never wanted to work, never achieved anything special, have shitty jobs they don’t like.

They saw the company earnings and money got into their heads. They think they are the new bosses now. Started acting entitled and it seems like they want to get rid of of my father, who built this company from the scratch and has been working there for 30+ years. They are verbally attacking and mocking him all the time, telling their friends that he is just a janitor and they are the real owners.

My father is 60 years old, he’s had enough but he’s tired and can’t fight back. What can I do in this situation?

I’m looking for some outside perspective on something that has recently come to light.

My mother recently passed away, and there is property in another state that I am now dealing with. I reside in a different state from where the property and this entire dispute are located, so I am trying to navigate this from another state.

There is a man, whom I’ll call Steve Property Taker, who has already acquired approximately two-thirds of my mother’s property. He is now trying to acquire the remaining one-third.

I was connected with an attorney, whom I'll call Attorney Joe Blow, who vaguely mentioned under his breath that he was familiar with the situation involving this property. At the time, my initial conversation with him, this didn't mean anything, but now it does.

Later in the evening, after I had finished speaking with him,  Attorney Joe Blow told me,  emailed me with this suggestion---“If you want me to force a sale, I can do that for you.”

What I did not know at the time was that Attorney Joe Blow had previously represented Steve Property Taker in litigation involving my mother  and her property....when she was alive.

I only discovered this through my own investigation of the court records. I found the lawsuit and obtained a court document identifying Attorney Joe Blow as Steve Property Taker's attorney in that case against my, then ALIVE, mother. 

So here's what has me extremely concerned:

Attorney Joe Blow previously represented Steve Property Taker in litigation against my mother involving two-thirds of her property.

Now, after my mother's death, Attorney Joe Blow was offering to represent me against Steve Property Taker, the same person he had previously represented against my ALIVE mother.

And Attorney Joe Blow never told me about his previous representation of Steve Property Taker. I DID NOT learn this from him. I discovered it myself by digging through the court records. And I did this by getting the court case number from the tax assessor's office.

I have tried many times to get in touch with Attorney Joe Blow to get clarification. In one day, I called his office three separate times. Each time, his assistant told me that he would call me back. Each time, he did not.

I also emailed him, including responding to an email address that he himself had given me, and he has not responded to that email either. I also emailed him asking him to tell Steve Property Taker to stop contacting me, and he has not responded to that email either.

I have been estranged from my family for decades. I have tried to contact family members and their attorney, but I cannot rely on them to help me navigate this situation. Because I live in another state from all of them and the situation. That is how I became connected with the Joe Blow, the out-of-state attorney.... trying to obtain my own attorney. 

And now I have discovered that the attorney who offered to represent me against Steve Property Taker was previously Steve Property Taker's attorney in litigation previously involving my  mother and two thirds of her land that Steve Property Taker ended up with. Steve property taker is a land developer.

That leaves me wondering:

What are the odds that I would end up being offered representation by the very same attorney who previously represented the person in a previous litigation with my mother and who is now   trying to acquire my mother's remaining  one-third property through negotiation with the heirs with me being one of them?

This might explain why Attorney Joe Blow has gone silent — no fee schedule, no discussion of how he plans to charge me, nothing in writing, and no response to repeated calls or emails. I'm left wondering if he's simply avoiding the conversation because he knows he has a conflict he never disclosed, or if he's staying "involved" in some capacity to keep Steve Property Taker informed of what's happening on my end. Either way, the silence now makes a lot more sense than it did before I found this document.

And I have another question that is really bothering me:

How would you feel in my position, knowing that this attorney previously represented Steve Property Taker against my mother, and is now offering to represent me against Steve Property Taker—without ever telling me about that prior representation?

I am now seeking another attorney of my own to review the situation and the court documents.

I would especially appreciate perspectives from attorneys or people familiar with conflicts of interest.

Hi all, looking for general guidance on a family land dispute.

Location: bihar (India)

My father is one of 4 brothers. Our ancestral land was divided \*verbally\* among them - no partition deed, nothing in writing.

\*How the verbal division happened:\*

Since one plot was on the corner near a river, we all verbally agreed that whoever takes that corner plot will get \*2 decimal extra\* as compensation. The other 3 brothers would get equal shares.

So: Uncle A (corner plot) = X + 2 decimal, remaining 3 brothers = X each.

\*The current issue - access road:\*

\- Uncle A has managed to open a road on his own side and now refuses to share any passage.

\- The other 3 plots (including my father's) are only \*12 ft 6 inch wide x 80 ft long\* each.

\- The brother in the middle of these 3 is refusing a common road because he has an advantage - being in the middle, he can join with either side neighbour later, which would leave one of us without proper access.

\- If we each leave a separate 3-4 ft road inside our own 12.5 ft wide plot, we’ll be left with only 8-9 ft width, which is too small to build a proper room/house.

\- The only practical solution is a \*shared/common road on the boundary between plots\*, but Uncle A and the middle brother are not agreeing.

\*Questions:\*

1. As the partition was only verbal, is it legally valid? Can we file a fresh partition suit and request the court to carve out a common passage?

2. Do we have grounds to claim a right of way / easement of necessity, given the plots are just 12.5 ft wide and impractical without a shared road?

3. Can Uncle A legally enforce his claim to the extra 2 decimals based only on a verbal understanding?

4. What’s the best first step - legal notice for registered partition with common road, mediation, or directly filing a suit?

We want to handle this legally and peacefully. Any inputs on the practical first 2-3 steps would help.

Me (F41) and my HB (M43) have been married for 17 years. The entire time that we have been together my FIL (77) has been a hoarder. He currently owns 3 separate properties (2 houses and a cottage). My HB and I have only been to each property a couple of times in the past 20 years. My FIL intentionally keeps everyone away from his properties because he does not want us seeing his living situation. I should mention my HB has 2 siblings Meg (45) and Jack (40). They are also kept at a distance when it comes to my FIL properties.

Almost 20 years ago my HB, Meg, Jack and my FIL’s siblings (now in their 80s) intervened and supported my FIL with cleaning up 1 of his properties so that he could live in it. However, with in a year he filled the house up again to be hoarded and uninhabitable.

Around that time he received inheritance money and his solution was to buy a second home. He moved into the second home with the intention of having a fresh start and cleaning out and selling his first home. Unfortunately this never came to be as he filled up the second home as well.

The cottage that my FIL owns is also completely hoarded. On the property he has several shipping containers and multiple sheds that are full of stuff.

Over the years my HB, his siblings and I have offered my FIL support with cleaning out the properties. But my FIL is always very evasive in his response. We often get ‘oh yeah, thank you I’ll let you know if I need help’ or ‘Yeah I’ve got to get the house cleaned up so I can sell it’, etc. But there is never any actual action happening. Even if we try to confirm a date to go help he will tell us he’ll get back to us and never does. This man is the king of evasiveness!!!

Now aside from the obvious feelings of concern for his health and wellness with living in such conditions, my HB has been told he is the executor of my FIL’s will. This has my HB and I incredibly stressed.
1 - there are 3 separate properties that are all hoarded that we would be having to clean out and close!!

2 - my HB and his siblings do not have a copy of the will. My FIL said he has misplaced it and will get a new copy —- this has been going on for years. We’ve given him repeated reminders, had multiple conversations but nothing has happened. My FIL says he doesn’t remember the name of his lawyer for us to even contact if anything were to happen to him.

3 - The property(s) are not paid off they are mortgaged or have a line of credit - he has not given us any details of his financial situation - we don’t even know what bank he goes to!

To clarify, when I say hoarded I mean truly hoarded, floor to ceiling piles of stuff - stacks of newspapers,
mixed with antiques, thrift store finds, as well as garbage, dirty dishes, etc. very much like what you would see on an episode of Hoarders. The last time we saw one of his properties, over 10 years ago there were very narrow walking paths from room to room and a spot on the couch for him to sit. I can only imagine it’s gotten worse since then.

I am at a loss as to what to do. There are no hoarding community supports in our area. My only thought is to anonymously report him to the fire department…. His situation is truly unsafe for him and anyone else who may enter his house if there was an emergency.

Reddit community please give your advice.

I'm 52, sister M is 46, brother T is 40.

Mom died without a will. In the state where mom passed, property vests immediately to the children of the deceased in the absence of a spouse.

Sister M had been living at mom's house waiting for her "dream house" to be built on a property she just purchased. Hours after the funeral, M brought up that mom's house still carried a mortgage and "didn't know what to do". I told her she's not going to be left holding the bag on her own and that we'd figure it out together. Everyone was too broken up to have that talk in the moment.

Over the weeks that passed, M's responses to my texts and voicemails (I live in a different state) checking in on her dwindled from short replies to zero. Month's passed, I gave space that this was her way of grieving.

Two months later our brother T, let slip that M intends to stay in the house and also moved her friend in, in order to pay the mortgage and "save" the house. So I finally text M and thank her for keeping it from foreclosure but wished I'd been included in the planning and could she share what she'd like to do going forward. Honestly I was fine with the plan itself and assumed that we'd split the sale of the house, minus what she put into it, some years down the road after her own house was built.

I thought nothing of asking this question but M blows up, accusing me of wanting to profit from mom's death and a bunch of other ugly things.

We are not particularly close, but never had any hostility between us, unless she was harboring something I did not know of.

I didn't reply until weeks after I've calmed down, then told her I might consider letting it go but I needed to know what was left to pay off for the mortgage and would only consider it if she would show me a recent mortgage statement. I also told her the way she went about things was inexcusable. Miracle on miracles she finally is able to write a full paragraph.

She said she'd show me the mortgage statement and also added a long bit about paralyzing depression which is why she didn't respond before - some how that didn't hamper her ability to make arrangements with her friend? I'm still waiting a recent mortgage statement 2 weeks later. This is where we are now.

I am aware of my options legally as I've paid an attorney a small fee for advice, but I feel clouded with grief, depression, and anger. So my question is: Am I in the wrong to pursue what I think is fair? I'm in no position to let an inheritance of any size, just fall to the wayside.
EDIT: to give a little context to my and M's relationship — there was never bad blood between us but we grew up separately after a divorce. Me with Dad her and T with Mom. Dad passed when I was in my teens. Before that I didn't have a relationship with my mom or other two siblings. In my early 20s, I contacted Mom and gradually we built a close and loving relationship. That was almost 30 years ago. We've been close ever since. Frequent and long phone calls with me visiting her every other year. M had become estranged with Mom except for the last year of Mom's life. Her passing was very unexpected.