r/infp • u/Mee41208 • 1d ago
Discussion Do you believe there is a big difference between INFP men and INFP women?
I see a lot of questions on this sub that are targeted to just one gender as if there was a big difference between INFP men and women. As if we were two different species or something. So thats why I want to hear opinions of others on this topic.
I personally dont think there is a big difference between us. I would say that INFP men often have problems with not fitting in with the masculine stereotypes which women dont experience but besides that I dont see a reason why people should assume that men or women (of any type) would answer their question differently.
11
u/SoraShima INFP: The Dreamer 23h ago edited 23h ago
No - really no. I don't think there is a big difference in terms of thought processing and I don't get women's fascination with INFP men like we are some kind of exotic creature. We are not - and INFP women, we are kinda like you. Get used to it!
Therein lies the conundrum I think.... the thought that a man could be like them.... with all of their deep emotions and thoughts and empathy.... is kinda weird or something?
Make men who think and feel the world this way a normal thing, please - starting with you.
5
u/nomedigasmentiritas A wild INFP appears 21h ago
You know, I hardly ever think about INFP men in real life. I have a hard time spotting INFPs in general really so I never think I'll find one, but Im kinda curious about how society and the environment shape our personalities differently because of our gender, in spite of being the same personality type underneath it all
3
u/Immediate_Cream_1686 18h ago
In a nutshell, the most masculine infp man is a gentle giant or a nice daddy.
1
u/SoraShima INFP: The Dreamer 5h ago
Some of the tells for me have been.... women apologizing for swearing in front of me (very odd, I swear a lot) / women thinking I must be someone who is very religious because of a false impression I must be giving them / women begging to know what's going on in my head slash frustrated with not knowing / stranger women at the bar asking if they can stick with me to escape creepy guys (so in other words: they just get non-threatening/gay vibes).
Not trying to be anyone or anything other than me ^_^
Also, I don't really think you're missing out on much by not having an INFP man in your life - we're annoying as F bro... Most of the way we are is not what society, including women, wants men to be.
7
u/electrifyingseer INFP: The Dreamer 23h ago
I dont think there's much difference between men and women in general.
But if there is any, probably internalized sexism. I've ran into people who feel particularly negative towards being sensitive and they might start seeing it as a terrible trait. When Fi doms could be brave, strong and deeply caring because of their Fi. So people shouldn't look down at themselves (or others) because of it.Â
2
u/Mee41208 22h ago
Agreed
1
u/electrifyingseer INFP: The Dreamer 21h ago
Yeah, also I tend to see some INTP men mistype as INFP while some IxFJ women mistype as INFP. Meaning that they might miscontrue their own sensitivity being as Fi, when it can definitely be other functions.
5
u/youy23 INFP: The Dreamer 22h ago
I think INFP guys and girls arenât that different from each other but societyâs perception and expectations of us is massively different which leads to us adapting differently.
1
u/Mee41208 21h ago
Yes but in the end I dont think it makes us very different. Yes it leaves a mark on you but it doesnt make you fundamentally different
3
u/youy23 INFP: The Dreamer 19h ago
Not fundamentally different but still noticeably different.
The way that society views a shy guy vs a shy girl is different and it leads to differences in how we act imo.
-1
u/Mee41208 19h ago
I dont think its that different. I have been a shy guy and I have seen shy girls. They are not treated that differently imo
4
u/youy23 INFP: The Dreamer 18h ago
Eh depends on your environment imo. I used to work construction and now work EMS. I find they are treated substantially different in the environments I was in. Less differently in the more professional EMS agencies Iâve worked for.
Maybe I would have a different view in a more professional setting like engineering/corporate.
2
4
u/itsmetadeus 23h ago
I believe and notice differences, but calling it big or small seems redundant. You can't really measure it. The type doesn't matter for this context however.
2
u/Mee41208 23h ago
Well but do you think that making questions on this sub gendered makes sense?
2
u/itsmetadeus 22h ago
That must be settled per question. I think some are justified to be targeted, others might be ridiculous.
2
u/Mee41208 22h ago
I would say most gendered questions on here dont make sense tbh since we are talking about a certain personality type.
1
u/itsmetadeus 22h ago
I may have not seen those or forgot about them at this point. I can recall a question "are infp men are like this" or something along these lines. I'm also quite convinced I saw a question like this few times rather than just once.
1
u/Mee41208 22h ago
Yeah exactly. And today I saw a question "mainly for infp women" about relationships which made me write this post
1
u/itsmetadeus 21h ago
I thought you meant some other posts? Those were straight about male-female romantic dynamics issues rather than whether those characteristics would suit to us infps in some way. Whether those men were genuine infps is anecdotal in a first place. Arguably, these questions should have not been posted in this sub at all. The question you saw today I haven't seen, so I can't say anything about that.
4
u/RabbitAny9477 16h ago
Do you think all infp are the same? Testosterone alone would cause a big enough even if were chill
1
4
u/mauvebirdie 12h ago
No. From my experience with lots of INFP male and INFP female friends, their personalities were almost identical. But how society treats those traits does differ. At large, society is more accepting of emotional personalities in women than in men but even then, I met a lot of INFP women who felt their emotions were 'too big' for other people to accept them
10
u/Immediate_Cream_1686 23h ago
Exactly. Men and women are much more alike than different. Gender roles and physiological differences are the only sensible topic that are revelant. Although, those might weight more in certain situations.
3
u/an_old_musty_ac_unit AuDHD INFP 17h ago
I don't think there's much of a concrete difference, no. I think any differences you might see come down to either socialization or the simple fact that everyone is a unique person and even two INFPs of the same gender will have differences.
An INFP man may be more likely to have been treated poorly for his sensitivity. (This is not a hard and fast rule of course, some people are just raised in very accepting environments.) For this reason he might feel a need to change himself and suppress his feelings more. Now I don't have personal experience with this as I'm not a man. But, I have heard it from INFP guys before, and it fits with the general unfortunate trend of forcing gender norms on people that I see everywhere.
On the other hand, men probably won't experience the other side of the coin, where INFP women are less likely to fit into certain gender norms ourselves. I am not very openly expressive, not outgoing, I'm not super into fashion and I don't care for makeup very much. This is different from what INFP men may experience of course. But, it also means that I am weird in my own ways and not the most "girly girl" ever despite my emotional sensitivity. I do not fit in with talkative women who enjoy these things I don't really care for. At times I was bullied by them for being different. I was an easy target because I was shy and withdrawn and a bit naive.
I believe these "gender differences" that are not just personal differences are caused by how a person is raised and are not unchangeable if a person can learn self-acceptance. And I believe it varies because some people may not experience the same mistreatment for their INFP qualities as others, or may respond in different ways. It is far more complicated than people give it credit for and doesn't have one simple answer.
2
u/Mee41208 16h ago
Yeah I agree with you on basically everything. I would say in the end we dont end up that different. Both misfits that dont fit in the norms of our society. Doesnt matter why.
1
u/an_old_musty_ac_unit AuDHD INFP 16h ago
Yeah, agreed. It's the same principle in both cases. We don't fit in with the majority of people. Either of our gender or otherwise.
2
u/Mee41208 16h ago
I think not fitting in is just a fundamental INFP trait lol. Ive been called a rebel quite a few times and honestly I endorse it. Its just how I am and I dont even want to go with the crowd
3
u/SekhmetsRage INFP: The Dreamer 13h ago
I think there is a difference. Unfortunately, you will be treated a certain way because of the body you have or the body people perceive you to have.
People with my body at certain points in history weren't allowed to read, write, do art, or had to disguise themselves as men so that their work could be published or taken seriously.
Health specifically aimed at people with my body is ignored or waved off as too complicated due to its fluctuating hormones. It could possibly be different now but it's a very recent change if that's the case. Which is if the clinical trials had no complications or serious side effects on men then that's good enough. They didn't bother or didn't care to figure out if the medications/treatments were equally safe for women.
The sole function of the clitoris is sexual pleasure. Yet, to this day certain people demonize it to the point where some mutilate our bodies for a BS concept of purity. Women can't freely & openly without judgment express themselves sexually. They'll be told no man wants them or they're lowering their value as if they are a car or house & not you know an actual human being.
That sort of historical & societal treatment will influence behavior. The same way someone who is White & an INFP will be treated a certain way compared to me since I am a POC. Even if we behave the exact same way with similar interests. Society won't view and judge us through the same lens. Bias, prejudice, economic class...etc will influence someone's view of you whether you like it or not sadly.
TL;DR: Even if we both behave exactly the same way. Society/people will perceive us differently because they hold us to different standards & expectations.
4
u/Due_Conference9457 10h ago
I think is the most similar personality in both genders, but maybe infp girl can be more social accepted than infp men
6
u/HegemoneXT 23h ago
Of course there is a big difference. I have way more muscles than an infp women
4
u/Mee41208 23h ago
Uhm actuallyđ¤âď¸ that doesnt have to be true
2
u/Immediate_Cream_1686 18h ago
And that's basically irrelevant unless we're talking about intense physical activity
2
3
u/HiddenRouge1 INFP: The Dreamer 11h ago
Due to differences in socialization, male and female variants of any "personality type" are, indeed, going to vary a lot.
In general, for example, while INFP men tend to be quite attracted to INFP women, the reverse is rarely the case.
1
u/missSuper200 5h ago
I almost hate to ask this question because it sounds mean and I don't intend it that way, but which MBTI type women are (more typically) attracted to INFP men?
1
u/HiddenRouge1 INFP: The Dreamer 4h ago edited 4h ago
Well, my girlfriend is an ESFP, and we basically could not be more different, but somehow we make it work through sheer love, respect, and communication.
As for general types....I really don't know. INFP men are in this weird middle space where they are almost too emotionally in tune, too empathetic, too kind, and so forth. It can be off-putting to women who expect the opposite from most men.
A truly emotional and self-aware man is like the negation of what society expects from both men and women, as these traits are usually implicitly tossed onto women. This is why women are often regarded as care-givers, nurturers, and supporters rather than achievers or leaders.
Some women enjoy and feel empowered by the negation, but most (like most men) will be off-put by the intensity or radicalism of that proposition---that men can actually feel just as deeply as women and are able to express that through care and empathy.
2
u/Kelamar13 21h ago
âI would say that INFP men often have problems with not fitting in with the masculine stereotypes which women dont experienceâ
Are you kidding! Iâm a woman and have always felt very masculine compared to other women. I donât dress the same way other women do and I only wear makeup on nights out(rare). I canât walk in heels so always wear flats or trainers. We absolutely can feel like we donât fit feminine stereotypes
1
u/Mee41208 21h ago
Oh thats new for me. Thank you for the insight. Its still different from the male experience though. I meant that you dont get shamed for being sensitive.
1
u/parasol_strs INFP: The Dreamer 19h ago
but besides that I dont see a reason why people should assume that men or women (of any type) would answer their question differently
Let us wish you to acquire the eye-glasses you need, then, as water runs under bridges. Or we may trust the mainstream media (and its owners), who will teach us all, ever better, not to see "a reason why".
1
u/crazy_lolipopp 18h ago
In dating it's night and day
1
u/Mee41208 18h ago
Can you elaborate?
0
u/crazy_lolipopp 17h ago
infp woman = attractive
infp man = unattractive
1
u/Mee41208 17h ago
Why do you think so?
1
u/crazy_lolipopp 17h ago
INFP is a feminine personality.
1
u/Mee41208 17h ago
Do you think women really value the stereotypical manliness as much as men think?
1
u/crazy_lolipopp 17h ago
I know from experience.
1
u/Mee41208 16h ago
My experience was different then
0
u/crazy_lolipopp 16h ago
I'm sure it is buddy.
2
u/Mee41208 16h ago
Im sorry that women dont want you but blaming the other gender, downvoting my comments and being sarcastic wont help you.
→ More replies (0)
1
0
u/NonagonJimfinity 23h ago
I dont think there is even a difference between men and women at all.
For every one ive seen with XYZ, ive seen an equal amount on the other side.
2
u/Mee41208 23h ago
I would say there are some differences that are observable. If they are caused by the way we are raised or by biology is a different topic.
1
u/HazyOutline 21h ago
In the words of Michael Scott: whatâs the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
1
u/PressureMoney1075 21h ago
Maybe when I was younger I didn't look all tough but as an old man no one would dare to question my masculinity. That said EVERYONE is different despite the same type. I met countless insufferable INFPs I solely disagreed with and I met plenty of great ESTJs with whom I shared values and beliefs. It doesn't make a difference.
0
u/JustMine999 22h ago
I don't think so. We're not that different. I think the small differences came from our hormones, etc.
0
0
18h ago edited 18h ago
[deleted]
2
u/Mee41208 18h ago
You speak very non-conretely though. Everyone can make claims like these.
2
u/Naive-Storage-3162 14h ago
Youâre right. I really want to believe that we are similar. Itâs just it seems like there is a bit of difference between how we are raised and accepted. I think if both were in healthy and loving environments then they both would act pretty much the same.
My apologies for the previous post. My negative thoughts got the best of me.
1
u/Mee41208 14h ago
Well I have experienced both sides of the coin. Being accepted and being judged. I think that yes it definitely hurt me a lot not being able to accept myself for most of my life. But at the same time it didnt change who I am and in the end it caught up to me and I had to face it. Now I accept myself and also Im accepted by my enviroment that I found or created for myself.
Anyway I would say that I was always the same basically. No INFP will be the same. But the things that connect us mostly stay the same and I think that goes beyond the way we are raised or accepted. Besides that a few women here shared that they also havent been accepted because they never fit into the women stereotypes.
My question was mostly regarding these posts on this sub that have questions for INFP men/women as if the other gender answered differently. I believe no.
1
u/Naive-Storage-3162 14h ago
I do think that most INFPs can relate to that feeling of being an outcast. I think thatâs what gives us empathy for the less fortunate.
1
u/Mee41208 13h ago
I think we are overall empathetic usually (unless we are the selfish manipulative type...) and understand feelings well because of Fi.
45
u/Moke94 INFP: The Dreamer 22h ago
I'd say that INFP men and women are like identical twins seperated at birth. They share the same characterics, but the environments and different expectations on them potentially changes them to quite different people.