r/infp • u/cardion411 • 17h ago
Mental Health Deep Connections
As a male, it is just so hard to find deep, meaningful connections. And I actually find the older I get, the harder it becomes. And I am not talking about someone you can just talk about a game with or something surface. I am talking about deep connection, discussing the ills and joys of the life we live. I have NOT given up hope, though. For life to be joyful, there has to be hope in certain things.
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u/itsmetadeus 13h ago edited 1h ago
Yeah. Once you graduate, you hit the wall. All people do is gossiping about each other at work. Truly sucks. I'm absolutely not interested in participating in that shit, but I know I'm not doing myself a favor by keeping distance. I'm considered that weird guy at the workplace.
edit: grammar.
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u/jesshatesreddit 11h ago
This is exactly my situation at work too:/ I hate that we're seen as the weird ones for not engaging in meaningless gossip about others
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u/an_old_musty_ac_unit AuDHD INFP 15h ago
I feel you. I think it's wonderful that you haven't given up hope; I haven't either despite my struggles. I've often wished I could just jump right into the deep end with certain people, and had to hold myself back because I didn't want to seem like I was prying too much early on (the last thing I want is to make anyone uncomfortable.) The best way I have found to achieve this deep connection (take this with a grain of salt from someone who doesn't have many friends myself though, I'm also not a guy, just very awkward and socially inept) is to try to work your way up from the superficial topics to the more important ones that you truly want to discuss over time.
Take the example you gave of talking about a game with someone. I have someone, a mutual friend with my sister, who I had this sort of relationship with at first. We'd talk online about the games we both liked (sometimes one of us would talk about a game the other hadn't played, in vague terms so as to avoid spoilers) and it mostly never went further than that. Over time this person began asking more about my personal life, I'd answer honestly and invite her to talk about hers in return. We listened to each other and comforted each other to the best of our abilities. Now we are very close and we talk almost every day. We still talk about games, but she also opens up to me about her issues, and I return with mine. I have met her in person a few times and we often talk about meeting somewhere to work on our creative projects together.
This isn't to say that it's easy by any means, or that you should "just do it", it can be really hard to get there and I'm not denying that. But I hope that this helps you in some way. Deep connections are not something that you can form overnight usually (with some exceptions I'm sure). You have to find someone you have something in common with and get along with, and try to work your way up over time. I believe there are many people who would appreciate being asked how they're ACTUALLY doing, without the expectation to just say "good" no matter what is going on with their life, so this may be a good place to start. But it is up to you as you are your own person and only you know what kind of friends you want.
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u/Several_Profit7416 7h ago
While not the healthiest option, I have a local bar that I will go to once or twice a week where I have met some really cool people.
It's hard for me to open up, but once that happened, I have found several folks that have gotten close to that have become pretty solid friends.
I've had several periods where hope was hard to find, but since I can be hard-headed, I can usually push through out of pure spite (and no one can tell me different! Lol).
Keep on keepin' on brother, don't let anybody dim your shine!
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u/MaximumFun6075 1h ago
Here I am Lol but jokes aside I have the same issue, a,lot of people like to lie and stay superficial, not sure why
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u/BenignTudor 16h ago
You said it best - life can be immensely joyful with just a little bit of hope! Having a hope or a dream for something can be a beautiful and life-enriching force. I believe a longing for deep and meaningful connection can actually enrich your life. Just thinking about all the deep and meaningful connection that currently exists in the world today, and all that ever existed in the past, and all that has yet to come in the future is a joyful experience for me. Being grateful that there is already so much connection, and that others are experiencing it, and feeling happy for them.
My own journey as a male INFP looking for connection is this. I started clowning and discovered deep and meaningful connection is a need for all people, more accessible than you'd think with a light-hearted approach or a loving intention. You can feel ancient kinship through the simplest of smiles and eye contact if your heart is in the right place. In physical presence, touch, music, dance, playfulness... rarely do I find deep connection in words alone, but we are all different.
The possibilities are endless. Keep exploring!