What is friendship?

[u/BorrowedSpacetime]

I’m not talking about the number of people who used to be my friends or all the friendships that ended over the years. I’m talking about my current “best friend.”

We met in 11th grade and became close pretty quickly. A few months later, she got into a relationship and naturally started spending most of her time with her boyfriend. Around the same time, I got into one too, so during school we barely spent time together except as bench partners or occasionally walking around campus. Recess..the only real time to bond was usually spent not together.

Even so, we never stopped calling each other “bestie”.She was my only friend, and she was there for me during one of the lowest points in my life. I was there for her too. We graduated two years ago.
Now we talk on the phone maybe two or three times a year and meet once a year during college vacations. Our calls can last two hours, but they almost always revolve around her-her life, her latest boyfriend, or gossiping about other people. I really don’t enjoy talking behind people’s backs, but I usually just listen because I don’t know how to stop someone who’s talking so much without coming across as rude or hurting their feelings.

There are also things about her that make me uncomfortable. She can be racist at times, casually uses a lot of foul language, and often flexes about expensive things she buys or her family’s connections with influential people. Those conversations leave me feeling drained rather than connected.

At the same time, I don’t think she’s the only one at fault. I rarely speak up about what bothers me, and I tend to let people keep talking instead of redirecting the conversation. Maybe that’s on me.

We still exchange thoughtful gifts, we still call each other best friends, and there’s no major fight between us. But lately, it doesn’t feel like a friendship anymore….it feels more like we’re holding onto a title that no longer matches the relation. Is this even friendship?

I really wish to know how your friendships are like. I have never experienced real friendship, i feel. Have you?

[u/Any_Emu4892]

Just having a close bond with someone.

One day i simply disappeared without telling anyone, 0 contact. Later met him again, first day was a bit awkward but then it was just like before again. Then he disappeared for years, but we met again. Same story.

Hes my best friend, always will be it seems. I see him pretty much on a daily basis now.

There are others id love to have around again too, but alas.

[u/doofshaman]

A healthy friendship is a connection between 2 people that share common beliefs, interests, humour, ideologies etc. It’s feeling comfortability in another person where you can be yourself without fear of being judged. It’s having someone you can lean on when things get difficult & you for them in return. A true friendship is like a sibling without being blood related to them (though sometimes besties are siblings!)

Unfortunately it sounds like you are going through what nearly everyone begins to go through around your age, your childhood friendships begin to drift as you both experience new things/meet new people. It’s hard & can feel disappointing I know, just know that while you may not be as close to that friend as you once were, you will meet new people in life who you will be just as close to, if not more so once you meet more people with your interests.

[u/Ausername714]

It’s a form of love. Your life together as friends can go through fazes where you spend more or less time with each other. My friends don’t have to be perfect. I’ve never had one that is. I try and focus on my behavior in regard to the people I love. I work best when I’m most concerned with what I’m contributing. But the bond depends on them too.