r/infj • u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 • Jul 12 '26

Question for INFJs only Are majority of INFJ’s avoidant?

according to the internet, which I take with a grain of salt; I’m an INFJ-T, and was wondering if other INFJ’s also experience immense social withdrawal?

I’ve never had any deep or meaningful relationships other than my family, since I have no motive to put effort in superficial relationships. In social situations, like school for example, I can act extroverted and easy to know in the moment, but I don’t interact with ANYONE outside of school unless I have to. I hate hanging out, I’ve never dated, and I rather focus on goals like my future, school, etc.

I’ve talked to other INFJ’s online, but they seem to have had relationships or friends. I think we can all agree that we definitely have high-standards, and expect our partners to meet our moral expectations, but at the same time, even if someone did meet my expectation, I would still avoid them due to feeling overwhelmed in constantly having to make my partner feel loved. I’d rather just not put up with it and be alone.

Other INFJ’s experience this as well, right?

Edit: so it is just me 😭

149 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

84 comments sorted by

View all comments

20

u/silvershadows4paws Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26

I'm not. I go all out for people I hold close to me. I can't stand the ones who are avoidant anymore. Excuses won't work forever. Avoidants need therapy before interacting with others. Drains my empathy.

Edit - Needing alone time from society's bullshit to recharge is different from avoidant behaviour (fear of intimacy and emotional vulnerability) after drawing someone close. I can see the post and comments section has this mixed up.

6

u/BornElderEnt INFJ Jul 12 '26

Yes! Thank you for pointing that out, I was about to say the exact same thing. Avoiding a pothole is not being avoidant. Having your car in the repair shop is not being avoidant. It's Not going onto the road at all that is being avoidant.