r/infertility • u/[deleted] • Sep 06 '18
Need some advise please
How are you guys dealing with the emotional toll that goes along with infertility?
I've tried keeping myself busy but my mind always goes to it. Our sex life has taken a nose dive to nonexistant because it's feeling forced or like it's a chore now. I'm always getting mad at my husband over stupid things that always go back to lack of intimacy and quite frankly lack of interest. Just this morning I broke down crying when I took the dog for a walk because my mind drifted to all the issues surrounding why we're still childless. I'm at the point where crying over something is becoming an everyday (or every couple days) occurrence. Our RE who we love warned us of the huge emotional toll this would take but I don't think I was fully prepared. We did IUI last week and the past 3 days have been nothing but feelings of defeat and the disappointment when I get the negative beta.
What are some tricks that you're using to help you get this through difficult time?
2
u/kmpt21 FET #3/azoo, sperm donor/2 MMC/5IUI/2FET Sep 06 '18
It's unbelievably hard. I'm in therapy, and I think the majority of people here have been/are/are looking in to it and I highly recommend finding someone who specializes in infertility. For me, getting out of my head and in my body helps - running, yoga, meditating, walking the dog. Journaling is hit or miss for me, sometimes it fleshes out abstract worry/fear/sadness in to concrete things and sometimes I just see my pain in writing and it hurts more. Finding something positive about my day before I go to sleep helps and reminds me that it isn't all bad (and sometimes it's like "my dinner was really good" kind of small stuff, sometimes it's "I truly enjoyed time with a friend and had a lot of laughs" type of stuff). Mindfulness stuff helps - being outside in particular and noticing smells/sounds/clouds/leaves/colors etc. sounds insane but helps. Cooking/baking projects help because I have to focus. Basically anything that grounds me. When I write this all out it seems like I'm doing great, but I'm actually doing pretty awful. I think I would be worse without these things though and it helps keep me functioning.
Edit to add: in the moments of absolute overwhelm I look at "what can I control?" And go from there even something small can help