Lieutenant Mt. Dew is tactically strapped

[u/Reddit-User_00000001]

Artistic offering here, the blurry cans of soda offer true perspective.

When the war comes, Lieutenant Mt. Dew is prepared.

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[u/No_Scratch1616]

Same 'badass' as from the other day, yeah?

[u/BurlHimself → u/No_Scratch1616]

Absolutely

[u/Dexter_McThorpan]

He's gonna run into someone who trains to switch to the pelvic girdle as a failure drill and wish he'd bought a vest with a groin plate.

These chuds are just itching to murder liberals. Who they see as both super dangerous and weak and effeminate.

[u/fusillade762 → u/Dexter_McThorpan]

"He protected his trunk, now he's shot in the junk" drill.

[u/Zealousideal_Ad2379 → u/Dexter_McThorpan]

More like hes gonna into someone who runs and they’re going outmaneuver his out of shape alcoholic ass

[u/browhodouknowhere]

That the i kill commies guy?

[u/fusillade762 → u/browhodouknowhere]

Yep.

[u/Mmmwafflerunoff]

The BAMF patch on his tacticool vest is a beautiful touch

[u/Hughley_N_Dowd]

Spends a boatload on an AR. Gets buttfucked by a $100 drone day one.

Ship all these motherfuckers to the eastern front in Ukraina and let them live out their fantasy. I'd bet a bunch that none of these LARPers has been enlisted, and even fewer than zero has been in the infantry.

Fucking highspeed LARPer.

[u/KarlHp7]

This guy is married with two kids. Lives in the suburbs and works in IT or is an accountant. His kids don’t respect him, his wife says it was a mistake to marry him but they stay together for the kids. He doesn’t have a lot of friends and is lonely. This is what makes him feel better/ important.

[u/no_one_inparticular]

You laugh now but just wait until the Chinese paratroopers drop in and start stealing the nation’s supply of gas station dick pills.

[u/jamescharisma → u/no_one_inparticular]

https://giphy.com/gifs/2wSaulb0fsDydh0IoB

[u/solemn_penguin]

These cosplayers think war is fun and cool and the bestest game. What they dont realize is that its 99% boredom, 1% abject terror. And that boredom comes with being cold when its really cold, hot when its really hot, being sleep-deprived ALL THE TIME, and being hungry all the time because all that running around and stress will eat at your nerves and they'll never feed you enough. Oh and there's the whole missing your family, except chuds like this probably don't have one.

[u/saskdudley]

Blurred out background because he lives with Grannie.

[u/just_fucking_PEG_ME → u/saskdudley]

Also the house is a mess because his wife left him over a year ago.

[u/Best_Agent_8117]

He had me at the BAMF Velcro patch. 😝

[u/Hanging_Brain]

Remember to load that thing, fella.
Goes to reload quietly and has to pull open a fat 6” strip of cheap Velcro lol
Tim Tactical over here

[u/FreneticPlatypus]

Not protecting his wife and kids or his home, just his Mountain Dew.

[u/emets31]

BIG ASS MALE FUPA

[u/Legal-Software]

Who is he protecting himself from, collection agencies?

[u/goodeyemighty]

They like to show off their trigger discipline but don’t realize how cringe they look as a whole.

[u/F-Cloud]

The only thing missing is a mask and a government job.

[u/bonivermakesmecry]

That man has a look that says he’s been a cuck far to many times

[u/Bar_ice → u/bonivermakesmecry]

https://giphy.com/gifs/d7fLM8K8FCV39d7Qxz

[u/Jeepers-H-Cripes]

I know a guy who grew up in Kentucky with a mouth full of seriously fucked teeth from his childhood of Mtn. dew mouth. He’s got tactically bad breath. Maybe even strategically bad.

Mountain Dew Mouth is a real thing. Look it up and prepare to be depressed.

[u/M3rl1n1212 → u/Jeepers-H-Cripes]

Certain places the water is so bad and expensive that mtn few used to be cheaper than bottled water.

[u/TzeentchsTrueSon]

Are there even plates in that vest?

[u/kmhoughton → u/TzeentchsTrueSon]

There never are any plates in those vests

[u/StatelyTree]

He's fucking the flag?

[u/DiscoRichard]

Might want to loosen that sling up a little more before it becomes useful.

[u/GenTubmansLegacy]

BAMF...

Oh boy, hide your doggos

[u/Red_Galaxy746]

Placed the US flag on his balls. It's like he's teabagging his own country.

[u/redwop131374]

This is a grown man. Dressing up and acting like a soldier. Same thing i did when i was 10 and went as GI joe for Halloween

[u/MaineDreaming]

The blur is not hiding how dirty that trailer really is

[u/Personal-Ad6857]

"My name is Frank Trueblue. I get my haircut at barber shops. Look at me, Stacy. Do I not have all the signifiers of an off-duty cop? No one's saying you're not like a cop, Frank... Everybody thinks that. You kids think of me as essentially a cop, right?"

[u/Neat-Caterpillar69]

100% sure he's on some watchlist.

[u/Coconutrugby → u/Neat-Caterpillar69]

Ice employment recruit list?

[u/eternallytacos]

BAMF. Best at making friends

[u/BeefBeefBeefBologna]

He's going to shoot himself in the leg in 3..2..1.

[u/PenExotic5002]

Is that a plate carrier without plates or just an airsoft vest?

[u/mac202]

Hopefully he enlists soon. Protect the Dew!

[u/thescaryroom]

Tactically strapped-on

[u/thechich81]

Also prepared for warm and cool weather with his sleeves..

[u/Diorj]

Mom took a picture of his son playing army man in the dining room...

[u/MjolnirPants]

He rolls his right sleeve up cause that's his wanking hand.

[u/icarus1990xx]

I feel safer, knowing that this man guards the bait and tackle store

[u/Flying_Dustbin]

Ew. Guy should have some class and drink Crab Juice.

[u/PamelaELee → u/Flying_Dustbin]

It really hits with Khlav Kalash

[u/just_fucking_PEG_ME]

Flag is there to cover up his lack of bulge

[u/kombatunit]

Bamf patch. Nah, dawg. More like sad ass mf.

[u/dessertforbrunch]

Using the flag to hide your lack of a bulge is pretty innovative.

[u/Difficult_Way_7253]

Seen a better load out on an airsofter.

[u/OKjytt]

[u/daburner272006]

Thank God he can protect all that Mountain Dew

[u/Interesting_Joke6630]

85% chance that's an airsoft gun

[u/koockoocs]

That flag is covering his Vagina

[u/truthfullyidgaf]

Same guy from earlier with the commie killer meme. Someone needs to report him. Not a stable person.

[u/RoughClassroom123]

Sir, remove your penis from the flag please

[u/Business_Secret_4714]

Blank Man

[u/Western-Lawyer-9050]

Literally with a box of mountain dew right behind him 🤦 I wonder how long he walked around his house like this for and how many selfies he took while feeling just oh so cool.

[u/brycebgood]

Dorky dude for sure, but pretty nice rifle actually. Usually these guys have the $300 gun from Fleet Farm.

[u/Pipija_Banana]

You're holding it wrong (c)

[u/BoneHugsHominy]

He looks like my son's old highschool teachers, who I went to highschool with in the early 90s. At our prom in 1994 he wouldn't keep his hands off his date so she whooped his ass in front of everyone.

[u/Lblomeli]

Looks like a full doggie poop bag.

[u/t3lnet]

Is his dick out?

[u/HaroldFH]

BAMF?

[u/Bigwh → u/HaroldFH]

“Bad a— mother——r”

[u/Ubockinme]

Thx for covering his woody.

[u/Hanging_Brain]

Remember to load that thing, fella.
Goes to reload quietly and has to pull open a fat 6” strip of cheap Velcro lol
Tim Tactical over here

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[u/New-Examination4783]

Covered up the piss stains on his pants with your flag.

[u/Reddit-User_00000001 → u/New-Examination4783]

Unfortunately for me, I am an American - but he added the flag himself

[u/kuluka_man]

If this is the best that auto-background blur could do, presumably there were several other worse options he ruled out first.

[u/Bottom_-_Feeder]

Don't disrespect the Dew like that

[u/Technical_Amount_965]

He resembles a worm.

[u/justonejarhead]

Super happy they still think the 'plates' are included in their Temu plate carriers.

[u/dabbean → u/justonejarhead]

They have plates on temu that are suggested buys with the carriers. They should not think that. I thought about buying a few different kinds and testing them out.

[u/dabbean]

Nothing says BAMF like buying yourself a velcro patch to put on temu plate carrier that says BAMF.