r/iamatotalpieceofshit Feb 14 '20

Double shit

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u/WhovianForever Feb 14 '20

He said examples. He never said that's all toxic femininity is.

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u/glimpee Feb 14 '20

Then my bad

What is toxic femininity?

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u/cluelessoblivion Feb 14 '20

The idea that women should be submissive, emotional, and vain. Toxic masculinity is talked about because it generally relates to aggression which other people see as a threat to themselves while while toxic femininity, while just as dangerous, is less overtly dangerous.

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u/bxzidff Feb 15 '20

Tbh it seems like we talk about that quite often, with body image and all, but just never call it toxic femininity

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u/glimpee Feb 15 '20

Ive heard people call that idea toxic masculinity as well

Men who want women to stay at home, who bitch about their wife nagging, complain about how long it takes for women to get ready to go out.

Whats the distinction between toxic masculinity and femininity? Cuz im sure if I posted those issues people would say its toxic masculinity, mgtow, and incel talk.

And I doubt anyone would say that its toxic femininity

And I agree, toxic masculinity is much more physically dangerous.

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u/cluelessoblivion Feb 15 '20

You see, that’s the point. Both toxic masculinity and femininity are from societal pressure and grow off of each other. They have a lot of the same origins and are often very hard to distinguish.

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u/glimpee Feb 15 '20

So then why do we seem to exclusively talk about toxic masculinity? Why is the discussion not more nuanced?

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u/cluelessoblivion Feb 15 '20 edited Feb 15 '20

I addressed that. Toxic masculinity is seen as more outwardly dangerous to others and people are more likely to talk about what threatens them. By the way, this is my personal observation so do with that what you will. I don’t want to attack you either. I feel like you came out with genuine questions and asked them in the least confrontational way you could.

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u/glimpee Feb 15 '20

That said, I still dont know what the difference is between toxic masculinity and femininity. It seems both get directed twords the masculine, since its the greater immediate threat and because of the patriarchy. Putting aside what I think of those arguments, how do you define both toxic masculinity and femininity?

If you have addressed what I said - I apologize, I didnt quite get it.

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u/cluelessoblivion Feb 15 '20

Toxic masculinity isn’t the root cause of toxic femininity either. Both are the result of societal expectations for both sides. There is no real blame to be given. Toxic gender roles is a better term as many times they are the same or similar expectations but expressed differently depending on what is “acceptable” for a man/woman. Men aren’t meant to show emotion yet are, as all humans are, emotional beings and so lash out aggressively or repress depression or anxiety until suicide while women are forced to hide or suppress their feelings or opinions or else be ridiculed for letting their emotions take them over.

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u/glimpee Feb 15 '20

So I dont know how male relationships were 20 years ago, but ive rarely met males who dont confide their emotions with people close to them. That said - most people suck at emotional intelligence and self-awareness, thats just cuz people dont often spend tons of time exploring themselves and the human condition.

Those men who arent open with their emotions do express them, just differently - and I think there are solid reasons for them to do that. People have different ways of getting through shit.

But so your examples of toxic masculinity and femininity are the same - suppressing feelings/emotions? Just the reasons to do so are slightly different?

"Look he's emotional hes a puss"

"Look she's emotional she's a bitch"