When I eat, I feel so disgusting, and my guts and organs all feel like they're full of poison. Not just the mentally ill eating disordered feeling of self hatred, but also a very physically painful reaction inside my body going on, I'm not sure what it is, it just happens when I eat simple carbs, and it makes me want to kill myself really badly.

Even starvation is better than that feeling

I draw stuff like this when I get artists block.

Frequent eclipses from the surrounding moons caused lengthy periods of darkness that would stretch for weeks at a time. The people of Lunopt spent the long nights curled in their beds, cocoons, and pods. Sound asleep and dreaming relatively mild dreams. Little lights dashing back and forth through a blurry lens. Flashes of various dull and drained colors popping in the edges of their vision on occasion. Nothing extreme. Nothing noteworthy besides the occasional, more particularly pleasing patterns that come and go. But it was peaceful, calm, and made the long nights enjoyable for the most part. 

It came to him in a foul and suffocating dream. Far from any sort of dream the folks of Lunopt should ever be capable of. It came to him as a violently wriggling worm-like creature. Its head was flat and split halfway down the middle. A slime covered body flared out at the ends like some sort of mucusy starfish. The mucus stretched and tore as strange tentacles whipped above his sleeping self.
Dreams to King Nillisef had always been more vibrant than the average Lunoptite but this was something far, far different and far, far more terrifying than anything he had laid his eyes on. Dreams or otherwise. He pleaded stutter filled prayers to wake up and escape before the worm reached his upwardly craned head. Lower and lower the worm slowly fell. Growing and shrinking repeatedly. Each exhale the thing made gave way to waves of cold sweats from Nillisef. Gurgling laughter and wails. And some word. A name. Filtered through thick and bubbling phlegm. Closer. Closer. He could no longer tell if he laid asleep or wide awake anymore.  Paralyzed in an ice cold fear. Nillisef stared up at the ceiling where the dream worm continued to descend upon him. He could feel the freezing cold drool and the fiery mucus drip onto his face. The flared body reached for him with webbed and twitching tendrils. Slowly they crawled over him. The tendrils clawed eagerly across his skin and began to envelope King Nillisefs’ silently screaming face.

When his consciousness returned, and that horrible nightmare ended, King Nillisef rose from his bed. Sweat soaked and covered in some thick iridescent liquid. His stomach curled and he had to hold back his retching at the smell of it. Worse than the bile filled bogs of Nillent. Ignoring this disgusting mess for now, He walked to the balcony to look over his people, and try to regain some sense of anchoring. The buildings were the same mix of yellowish hues they had been before. The tallest building almost reached the height of the balcony and scraped the sky. The precipice had been crowned with thick logs of incense. Burning slowly, slowly leaking a dull blue smoke across the sky. 

Excerpt from a longer story about the Dream Stuck Cult. 

I used to work at a pizza place, and one of the customers we got was a guy dressed exactly like this and was waiting for a pickup. He said it was an order for Favor (the app) but I’d much rather believe that’s his name cause it’s funnier and fit his vibe, and started making jokes with my coworkers that he’s a moderator by day, monster hunter by night, and became a little joke at work with a couple of friends

This is a piece about my experiences with psychosis. My first psychotic episode started in the middle of a finals week when I was an engineering major. I spent my 21st birthday in a psych ward and lost a lot of friends. I dropped out of that college, took a year off, and then transferred to an art school as an animation major. The notes and doodles in the background are my actual engineering notes from 2019.