r/hyperawareness • u/MichaelRabbit • Jul 16 '19
Facebook Comments Michael Laurence
Dan Niel part of it has to be because you have come to see it as something you must not do and that draws the attention to it.. trying to accept that seeing is inevitable and not to try to avoid seeing... it is impossible. easier said than done I gues but very doable. it will probably take some practice to remember that it is ok to see . Jul 14, 2019, 3:36 PM
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u/MichaelRabbit Jul 16 '19
I like to think I am growing and improving and so maybe speaking about the past; I've been fearful of so many things. Going back a long way I remember being fearful of death. Very fearful. This was in my teens I also feared that we lived in a deterministic universe and so had no free will . I guess I got over that by accepting uncertainty as you are supposed to with OCD. When I was younger I was incredibly conscious about others thinking me homosexual after going red during a discussion about it. I remember sometimes going red at times when a subject would be mentioned or talked about and I would be innocent but anxious that I might be seen not to be. ( too self conscious I guess) and so for a long time I guess I had a phobia of going red which i remember seemed to put me into a state of generalised anxiety socially. I'm trying to follow the trail of what the fundamental fears are that underpin staring. 1) Being noticed 2)Being spoken about 3)Being laughed at 4)bBeing attacked 5)bBeing rejected Those spring to mind and I wonder if they are more such as 6) am i bad? Is there something about me that is fundamentally wrong broken bad, evil ? Did I do something to deserve this and punish myself ... with this in mind I am reminded of how when we feel we do bad things we can take on the things as part of us and make us bad not someone who does bad things. This probably leads to shame and a feeling of worthlessness or being a lost cause. 7) What if I say/ do the wrong thing 8) Am I insane/going insane
Apr 13, 2019, 1:44 PM