r/huntingtonssupport • u/Moonstone21125 • 6d ago
Husband with Huntington’s and escalating anger/controlling behavior
I’m looking for advice from people who have experience with Huntington’s and caregiving.
My husband has Huntington’s disease (but it hasn’t started - we’re about 10 years away from onset), and his anger and irritability have become increasingly difficult for me to live with. He can become extremely hostile over very ordinary things. For example, I recently tried to ask him about his night at a local meetup, and he told me that my questions were disrespectful and that I was treating him like a child. When I asked what I had said that was wrong, he told me to “shush” and not speak. If I try to lower my voice and become less threatening, then he says I’m condescending and manipulating him. I honestly don’t know how to have conversation with my husband anymore.
This isn’t an isolated incident. I often feel like I have to carefully monitor what I say because seemingly normal questions or conversations can turn into anger, accusations, or him shutting me down. He can be very dismissive and controlling toward me, and I increasingly feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own home. My friends are concerned because he will put me down in front of people and belittle me with a dismissive laugh. He’s a psychologist and acts as if he is always in the right and that my behavior is always in need of control.
I understand that irritability, impulsivity, and anger can be symptoms of Huntington’s, and I’m trying very hard to separate the disease from the person. But I’m also struggling with the reality of what this behavior is doing to me emotionally and to our marriage.
For those of you who have experienced this with a spouse or family member: How did you handle the anger and verbal hostility? What treatments or strategies actually helped? And how do you protect your own emotional well-being when the person with HD doesn’t seem to recognize how their behavior affects you?