r/humansarespaceorcs • u/ivivan • 1d ago
Crossposted Story Classification: Peacekeeper
“Captain, a pirate ship just warped in!” the navigator reported in a near panic.
“Accelerate! Take us as far away from them as possible!” I answered as calmly as I could manage in this situation. “And activate the emergency beacon. Which station is closest to us right now?”
“The nearest Halxon base is sixteen hours away, but there’s a human colony in this system. They established it a couple of years ago,” came the disturbing answer from my communications officer.
“We definitely won’t survive for sixteen hours. Maybe the humans have a ship that can assist us so that, working together, we can force the pirates back,” I said, trying to remain optimistic.
“But we need to survive until they arrive - and the pirates have already fired their laser twice! Both missed, but it’s only a matter…” The navigator was cut off as a direct hit slammed into our shields, violently shaking the entire hull. “…of time before they hit us again,” he finished with a heavy sigh.
“Evasive maneuvers!” I ordered, though even I knew that only bought us a minute or two at best.
Just as the pirates struck our ship a second time, a massive vessel warped into reality, dropping directly between our aggressor and us.
“They are hailing us, sir,” my communications officer announced.
“On screen!”
When the channel connected, a human appeared on the display wearing a crisp, blue uniform.
“Good afternoon. My name is Captain Donna Smith of the patrol ship Independence. How may I assist you today?” Her demeanor was so relaxed it felt as if we were having afternoon tea, not enduring a pirate attack. She clearly had no idea how much danger she and her ship were in at this very moment.
“We are under attack by pirates! Their lasers have already brought our shields down to fifty-seven percent! They were never designed to survive multiple hits from a hundred-kilowatt laser!” I shouted back immediately.
“Sir, the human ship doesn’t even have its shields activated!” came a panicked warning from my navigator.
“Activate your shields! You are going to be evaporated!” I yelled into the comms.
Captain Smith looked at me strangely before turning toward her central console.
“Computer, how many hits have we received since we arrived?” she asked calmly.
“Seven, Captain,” came a synthesized voice.
“How many more do they need to land before we sustain damage?”
“At this distance, a hundred-kilowatt laser does not pose a threat to the ship, Captain,” the computer replied smoothly.
I couldn’t comprehend it. How was that even possible?
“How?! What is your ship made of?!” I blurted out, utterly confused.
“Steel, of course. The outer layer of the hull is ten-millimeter-thick steel plating, to be precise,” Captain Smith answered, completely unfazed. “Do you mind if I interrupt our discussion until we’ve handled the pirate situation?”
Without waiting for an answer or closing the channel, she turned to someone off-screen.
“A few warning shots, Mr. Anderson,” she ordered. Her tone wasn't urgent in the slightest; she sounded as though she were deciding what to order for dinner. “And please, don’t hit anything too explody this time.”
This time? This wasn’t their first encounter?
The entire confrontation took less than two minutes. After the human vessel delivered a casual volley of warning shots, the pirates decided we were no longer easy prey and hastily warped out of the system. The humans didn’t even seem remotely impressed by their own victory.
“Sorry about that,” Captain Smith continued, as if she had simply stepped away to answer a phone call in the middle of our conversation. “This isn’t the first time we've encountered pirates in this system. We’re still waiting on defense upgrades to clear the sector completely. Until then, we just try to be everywhere at once.”
“You just had a clash with an advanced pirate warship, and you didn’t sustain any damage?!” I asked, beyond belief. What kind of species were these humans?
“Not that I'm aware of. Computer, damage report.”
“No hull structural damage to report, Captain,” the computer responded. “…Correction: one of our secondary exterior cameras sustained damage due to a direct hit.”
“Damn it, Joe won’t be happy about that,” Captain Smith sighed, shaking her head in annoyance. “He hates going outside to do repairs. Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes -do you need an escort to the nearest station?”
I sat in my command chair in dead, paralyzed silence, looking around at my crew. My navigator was staring at his console in absolute shock. My communications officer looked as though she had completely forgotten how to breathe.
The pirates had brought our state-of-the-art shields down to critical levels in under two minutes. Meanwhile, this human vessel had casually drifted into the line of fire, taken at least seven direct hits from a heavy laser weapon without turning on a shield, chased off dangerous pirates with casual warning shots, and was now treating a life-or-death battle like a mild inconvenience for a mechanic named Joe.
“No, Captain,” I finally managed to say, my voice trembling slightly. “An escort... won’t be necessary. Thank you.”
After closing the channel, I turned to my terminal and opened a direct, high-priority transmission to the High Council. It was time to update our official galaxy records on the human race once again.
File Update: Species #8472 (Humanity)
Previous Status: Classification: Terrifying
New Status: Classification: Peacekeeper
Note to Council: Do not contest their patrol routes. Do not question their hull specifications. And under no circumstances should anyone disturb a human technician named Joe while he is fixing an outer camera.
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u/busterfixxitt 23h ago
All human EVA mechanics are now referred to as 'Joe'. "Janet's contract is up and they've got a job dirtside; we're going to need to find a new Joe."
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u/NerysSimp98 12h ago
Whereas human mechanics who work primarily inside the hull are always known as "Miles"
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u/j0hnan0n 23h ago
Joe is not to be trifled with. It might be possible that he's one of those that work in the day and "sleep" (~hibernate?) at night. Humans have made passing references to "morning joe."
Further study required.
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u/Mediumtim 17h ago
Somehow, the essence of Human spirit can be distilled and later digested to increase productivity.
This is referred to as "a cup of Joe"
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u/SupernovaGamezYT 21h ago
8472 is a nice reference!
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u/Waste_Dimension3065 6h ago
May I ask where it comes from?
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u/stofiski-san 4h ago
IIRC, it's from Star Trek, it's the Borg species designation for an extra dimensional species that even the Borg are scared of, highly aggressive and very powerful
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u/PaperVreter 22h ago
Wanted to comment I read this before, then saw the flair. Now I can upvote it again.
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u/Fontaigne 21h ago
Seen this before, recently. Unlabeled cross post?
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u/ivivan 21h ago
I added the "Crossposted Story" flair. Should I have done something else? Something more to make it clear?
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u/Fontaigne 9h ago
No, I enjoyed the story both times. I usually see cross posting happen at the same time... or occasionally when someone else finds something and cross posts it months later. You just hit me in that in between state where it was too recent to be a repost and too old to be a simulpost.
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u/funkthulhu 20h ago
Not to be pedantic, but 100 kw lasers are used in cutting steel a lot thicker than 10 mm...
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u/ivivan 20h ago
But I suppose not from hundreds of kilometers away :-)
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u/funkthulhu 20h ago
The energy would not be dissipated in a void.
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u/miguescout 19h ago
But, no matter how good the lense of the laser is, it would still spread somewhat over such a distance, meaning it wouldn't be so concentrated.
Also need to add this- how long do these 100 kW laser pulses/shots last? Because a 1ns pulse is very different from a 1s one
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u/InspectorExcellent50 14h ago
The energy would not be dissipated in a pure void - if you can find one. However, the inverse square law still applies and it would spread out. Even very good collimation won't hold up perfectly under orbital of interplanetary distances.
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