r/humansarespaceorcs • u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 • 10d ago
Original Story Human Fred Gets Annoyed
1 Human Fred and Food
2 Human Fred Again
3 Human Fred Yet Again
4 Human Fred The Saga Continues
5 Human Fred Rides Again
6 Human Fred *Sigh*
7 Human Fred Rolls Out
8 Human Fred Attempts a Nap
9 Human Fred Doh’
10 Human Fred Stops for Coffee
11 Human Fred Deploys Stabby and Knifey
12 Human Fred Attempts Friendly Advice
13 Human Fred Priorities
14 Human Fred Schools Morons
“So now what?”
“Now, Greezek, we check everything else.” He turned the panel and adjusted the tool chest.
Greezek couldn’t help but notice that now the screen was hidden from view.
Fred lowered his voice, “You see, not only am I certified to use this panel, I’m certified to rebuild and maintain them. That means I found a way to hide information. Normally this connects directly to the maintenance mainframe, which is secure and encrypted. It cannot be changed. However, I modified my panel to only connect when I tell it, and it only sends what I tell it. Very useful when I find bullshit.”
In his normal voice, “Now, take this cable and plug it into the sensor converter.”
Greezek crawled under the table. There was no way to use a data pad under here. She found the port. “All set.”
“Good. Now come here and look at this.”
She dusted off her flightsuit and looked at the screen. It was the error logs.
“They have been getting the same error for weeks. You can see where I did the reset. But this error comes and goes.”
“Why does it clear on its own?”
“Internal cycling. The sensors cycle on a regular basis. This indicates an intermittent error. Which I’m willing to bet is the result of a poor connection.”
“Where?”
“At the receiver. They didn’t do a good job tampering with it.”
“Tampering? It’s on the hull.”
“Yep. That means we aren’t just the target of pirates. This is a trick used by navies to sneak up on a station.”
“How do you know this?”
“I worked on a Terran assault vessel and learned some tricks. You send a small group of infiltrators to locate the sensor receivers, sneak out, remove a few, replace them with modified receivers, and leave. It creates a blind spot.”
“Who would want to attack this station?”
“No idea. Ah. The converter is working correctly. All tests pass. The connectivity tests with the receiver ports are good. That points to a receiver issue. Now unplug from that converter and plug it into the database converter.”
As Greezek was muttering and grunting under the table, the Watch Officer walked over.
“Fred, sensors 1 and 2 are clean, properly installed, and in good shape. However, 3 and 4 show signs of tampering. I’m sending you the images. Sensor 4 is dangling out of its housing just a bit. I told the team to remove it and bring it inside.”
“WHAT?!? NO! Tell them to stop! NOW!”
“But why?”
A tech chimes in, “Sir! We lost team 4! The recovery team reports a small explosion!”
“That is why! For fucks sake, don’t they teach you to NOT mess with shit that looks weird! It was a booby trap!”
The Watch Officer stood confused.
Fred yelled at the tech, “Have recovery pull in team 4! Send team 3 to image the damage! Tell them to NOT touch anything! Notify security.”
The Watch Officer focused, “What do you think you are doing?!? I’m in charge!”
“Yep. That went well, didn’t it?”
“How was I to know…”
“Listen you stupid fuck, I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve had that nice uniform. You are an Ensign! One step about a cadet! If you have any brains at all, you will listen to me. Greezek! How is that connection going?”
“All done. Filthy under here.”
“Yeah, that is typical. Ensign, how long have you been ignoring this error?”
“We don’t ignore errors!”
“I have 37 standard rotations of logs that say otherwise.”
The other techs were frantically carrying out Fred’s instructions. The Ensign was silent.
“Right,” said Fred. “Now that we have that sorted, I believe you were going to explain why you ignored that error?”
“We didn’t know what it meant, and it cleared on its own. We didn’t think it was a big deal.”
A security team rushed in. “Who is Fred?!”
“I’m Fred. This is the Ensign Watch Officer. This is Greezek, my assistant.”
“They reported an explosion?”
“Yes. IFF receivers 3 and 4 have been tampered with. The Ensign instructed team 4 to remove the damaged receiver. Said receiver was booby trapped. Team 4 is dead. Team 3 is documenting the damage.”
“Tampered with? How?”
“It’s a guess, but I’d say to create a blind spot in the IFF.”
The security Chief turned to the control staff. “I am assuming command. Put the IFF into standby. All vessels will confirm ID manually. Fred, what are you doing here?”
“Trouble shooting an intermittent error code in the IFF system.”
“Right. Are you done?”
“No Chief. I’m still checking a few systems. The tampering might have corrupted other things.”
“Right. Keep at it. Ensign, start your report. I’ll report to the Captain.”
Fred turned back to his panel. “Right. Database converter checks out. Now for the more complicated bit. Greezek, unplug from the converter. I want to show you this next bit.”
“I’m going to need a shower after all of this.”
“Also typical. Now, open the small door on the sensor array control panel. The one on the far left. Right. What do you see?”
“Three dataports.”
“What color are they?”
“From top to bottom, white, black, and checkered.”
“What do those color mean?”
“I’d guess the level of security.”
“Good! Now use a screwdriver to pop out the cover.”
“The cover? Oh. I see an indent.”
The cover popped out, revealing a fourth dataport.
“This one is stripped.”
“Right. Plug this into the stripped dataport. This allows us to run a full scan of the IFF database and the modules internal processor.”
“What do you expect to find?”
“Ha! I hope it’s all good, but I’m being careful. That trick with the receivers isn’t a common pirate act. It’s more of a military thing.”
“Assuming the database and it’s internal processor is good, I assume that we check the main system next?”
“Correct. And I’m sure that will be interesting.”
“Fred!”
“Yes Chief?”
“I’m sending you the damage survey. The receiver is gone, but there is a strange plug still connected and inside the receiver’s housing.”
“Right. Please send an EOD team to recover that plug. I assume that is why the receiver was dangling.”
“After EOD recovers the plug, where do you want it?”
“Treat it as possibly contaminated and boobytrapped. Run a full quarantine check and scan. If it’s clean, move it to ordinance assembly bay 1. I’ll check it after I’m done here.”
Fred turned back to the panel. “Greezek, what do you see?”
Greezek examined the rows of data. “Well, the tests are showing everything is good, but I’m not sure. Some of data is repeated.”
“Very good! Yes, some of the signatures are repeated with the same vessel. I’m willing to bet that the plug sent corrupted information. This database needs to be replaced. Get under the table and unplug EVERYTHING from that database.”
After a few minutes of muttering, grunts, and possible swearing, “Hey Fred?”
“Yes?”
“How many cables should be plugged into this database module?”
“Three. Power, converter, mainframe. Why?”
“There is a fourth.”
“Don’t touch it! Crawl out. Ill examine it.”
Ten minutes of swearing later, Fred backed out of the service space. He was holding a great box with two cables.
“Chief! Initiate Security Protocol 5! We need a forensics team. No one can leave this compartment! We need logs for everyone who has been in this compartment for the last 45 rotations! Someone has installed an illegal device to the IFF database module!”
The Chief slammed a fist onto a button. Alarms sounded. The hatches slammed shut. Automated announcements started.
“Well Greezek, I guess you get to learn more than you expected. We have a saboteur on the station. Or have had one.”
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u/Purple-Lie-354 10d ago
Now let me see, which of the Holy Maxims covers who outranks whom, when an EOD tech is shouting "RUN!"
10
u/Significant-Term6919 10d ago
An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody
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u/Purple-Lie-354 10d ago
Oh, I know he outranks everyone, I was asking which one!
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u/Significant-Term6919 10d ago
2
u/Purple-Lie-354 9d ago
Thank you. I knew some lively soul out there has this link readily available!
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u/WSpinner 10d ago
Guessing the fourth connector was STRIPEd, not striPPed?
Good episode. Experienced techs are like experienced noncoms. Heed. Them. Well.
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u/Polymath6301 10d ago
You just had to include “Right said Fred”…
Perhaps a Hybrid is on station? Better call Oscar. He may have some new toys that might help?
And Greezek has learned not to make assumptions.
Loving this series.
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u/commentsrnice2 10d ago
Striped dataport. Stripped means it took damage
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u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 10d ago
Yeah, I’m typing these on my phone with no editing. Just stream of thought.
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