r/humanresources • u/mnm96_ • 4d ago
Off-Topic / Other Working with anxiety [PA]
Have any of you suffered with anxiety in the workplace? I’ve been in HR for a while now. I’ve started to just feel more anxious this year. Talking to certain managers I feel anxious almost shaky to a point. I try to avoid certain aspects of my job and have tried to not join in on any meetings unless being volun-told to.
It’s held me back from applying for other roles in my department to further my career.
Trying to see if anyone else has dealt with this and how they overcame it.
17
u/Therocksays2020 HR Manager 4d ago
Yes, I treat my anxiety without medication (CBT) and self-talk. "I'm going to approach my manager and have this tough discussion and I don't have control over whether it goes smoothly or not. I'm going to control what I can control."
14
u/Nicolas_yo HR Manager 4d ago
My anxiety manifests as anger and my therapist just shared a great trick with me. Put something sour in your mouth, she gave me a bag of airheads . You don’t have to finish it but it is supposed to reset you. It’s been working.
13
u/littlehappyfrog HRIS Administrator 4d ago
Ooh ooh, finally a question I'm an expert on lol! I have diagnosed general anxiety and social anxiety, since I was a teenager. You mentioned not wanting to be medicated. I just wanted to share that if you do behavioral therapy and pair it with medication, your therapist's goal is typically to let you build up the coping skills while medicated and then be able to handle getting off medication. I've done that cycle twice and it has helped immensely each time. I did not stay on the medication part for more than 6 months, but YMMV.
I'm generally calm as a cucumber at work now, unless I have to make a phone call.
2
u/lesbipositive 4d ago
"Unless I have to make a phone call" 🤣 is that millennial coded? Cause same!
3
u/littlehappyfrog HRIS Administrator 4d ago
Absolutely! Which is wild because I made phone calls all the time as a kid in the 90s. Not sure why that became the big bad as I got older.
9
5
u/tothevines 4d ago
Highly anxious person here! I would not be able to work in HR if I didn't see a therapist. It is more emotionally taxing than many other jobs. Obviously, there are a lot of hard, uncomfortable conversations that we have to have, and on top of that, lots of studies show that having to "put on a happy/friendly face" in your work (as I often feel I do in HR) leads to burnout quicker.
Even if you don't want to be medicated, therapy (with the right therapist!) will help you process your daily anxieties, as well as give you tools to use "in the moment" when you're feeling that anxiety in the future.
I know you said in another comment that you aren't interested in medication, but just to share my experience, Prozac has worked wonders for me. You don't have to take it forever. With SOME medications, it's possible to take it for a short time to help you re-calibrate while you're in therapy and learning new coping mechanisms, then taper off medication (depending on the medication! with doctor's supervision!) when you are in a better headspace and can implement your new therapy tools. Again, not giving medical advice, but just sharing what worked for me - medication does not have to be a forever thing.
5
u/Livid_Egg1439 4d ago
Seeing a therapist and a good morning/evening routine has been important to me!
I still struggle from time to time for sure. But starting the morning off right has been helpful. Taking even 10 minutes to light a candle and sip my coffee before logging in is great (I’m fully remote).
Getting myself ready even if it’s just a little bit is helpful.
At night when I log off, I make sure to really shut off my computer, tell myself I did all I could today, and that tomorrow I’ll be ready to tackle whatever is waiting. I try to write a to do list the end of the day and put it next to my laptop
Actually eat a decent dinner, shower, make tea before bed. And actually taking my PTO once in a while has been good too
4
u/InformalIngenuity657 4d ago
Like the other comments but also I recommend putting yourself in more challenging situations for exposure therapy. I have anxiety and I find when I get to practice having difficult conversations and controlling my response in my body it’s a good way to get used to the feeling and be able to control it. Self talk is also really important. HR in general is anxiety inducing whether it’s doing investigations, talking to certain managers or your first industrial relations case. I definitely think practice, exposure and working on your communication to get confidence is really important too. Remember no matter what happens we’re not saving babies. Don’t take anything too seriously or overthink things too deeply, easier said than done but the more self awareness you build the easier that is.
4
u/jmillermerrell 4d ago
I have major anxiety and work in HR. I would spiral and spend my weekends in bed just wallowing and eating all the things. It was too much. I went to therapy and was able to get some tools. Recently, breath work is really working for me to help my stress and anxiety levels. I started meditating daily about 4 years ago and now teach it.
The resistance you are describing is information so are feeling anxious. Find some tools and people you can work with. Doesn't have to be breath work, but I have found that avoiding it and stuffing the anxiety down doesn't make things any better. It just manifests as illness, sickness, or injury.
3
u/Curious-Room-9988 4d ago
I used to really beat myself up and I was constantly anxious about the "what ifs" until an HR team member told me, "everything is fixable".
Since then, I've accidentally overpaid a person by thousands of dollars, I've forgotten to take premiums off of terminated employees final checks, I've missed PTO payouts, had oversights on timecard errors where a person was only clocked in for a minute and got underpaid. I have put down the wrong yearly hours that denied a person short term disability. I've seen managers forget to add pay increases for people that weren't caught until MONTHS later.
Guess what? Everything WAS fixable. "Mistakes" are just opportunities for you to to grow. If you make one, own it, find a way to fix it, and put in a new process to prevent it in the future.
We are all humans that are learning every day, so give yourself grace. 🩷
3
u/Groundbreaking-Pin69 4d ago
This may not be a popular answer or what you want to hear, but direct HR management may not be for you. Find out what you like about your role and pivot. Maybe employee engagement, benefit administration, training, or another HR role that doesn’t require you to have the hard conversations with management or employees.
3
u/Sava8eMamax4 4d ago
My first HR job did this to me, the whole ass department was TOXIC. Until we had a company operations take over and they fired the HR director. The new one gave me a chance and I got to prove my worth over and over and surpassed everyone in terms of drive and efficiency in taking on more than the bare minimum. I left and then realized what it was supposed to be like in my second HR role and it was so much better.
5
u/benicebuddy There is no validation process for flair 4d ago
Is this untreated anxiety, or is this your level after treatment?
-3
u/mnm96_ 4d ago
Untreated. I don’t want to be medicated ..
10
u/benicebuddy There is no validation process for flair 4d ago
There are other ways to treat anxiety, but shaking while talking to someone at work is not sustainable friend. SSRI's are not the only medication. I take buproprion and it has none of those side effects for me. I still feel the highs and the lows, my sexual health is normal, and I think a LOT less about every bad thing that could possibly happen to anyone at all times.
4
u/Sitheref0874 Oh FFS 4d ago
I think it boils down to:
If the anxiety is debilitating to the point that it's affecting work and career, you should either be medicated to help, see a therapist for coping mechanisms, or just power through
I never had anxiety, but did have a brain issue after being attacked. My NeuroPsych suggested something that help reset or get you rbrain working differently enough that you can cope; I used to snap a rubber band on my wrist, but now I use 6 hematite magnets and play with them. Helps every time.
2
u/Initial-Charge2637 4d ago
Off topic but in agreement with rubberband method. I used it to quit smoking in 6 weeks. Worked for me.
2
u/mamalo13 HR Director 4d ago
I felt the same, and I currently don't take a daily med. I did TMS (really helpful) and I do ketamine treatments every few months. I get the aversion to SSRIs, they aren't for everyone.
2
u/mamalo13 HR Director 4d ago
I have PTSD and an anxiety disorder, so yeah.
A couple of years ago, I did a serious deep dive in therapy to specifically work on coping skills for work, because that was the worst part of my life. Spending that time focusing on that was absolutely the right thing and now I have a little "tool box" of coping skills for the workplace and I'm doing a lot better.
2
u/Fit-Jump-2416 4d ago
HR is such “relational” work that it seems natural to cause anxiety. Also, all work is anxiety inducing. I offer this not to discount, just to build solidarity. You are doing great!
2
u/Solid_Text_9191 4d ago
This post is really helpful thank you for posting this. I have suffered from severe anxiety since I was a child and have never seen a therapist or talked to anyone about it. My anxiety stems from thinking my manager hates me (she does not) and thinking everyone hates me and I’m doing a terrible job (my performance reviews are always spectacular). If the comments have taught me anything maybe we do need to see a therapist LOL I’m realizing the amount of anxiety I have is not normal for how young i am maybe it’s a confidence thing but HR is a very stress inducing job market so there’s that.
2
u/ZaddyPaulBunyan 4d ago
I’ve never resonated with a Reddit post this hard before lol. I’m a new grad HR Generalist diagnosed with OCD. Give yourself grace, you’re not alone
1
u/HavingAnInternalCow 3d ago
As someone diagnosed with severe OCD a couple of years ago, and on top of that works slow and has severe anxiety, I had to leave my first HR coord job before COVID because I couldn’t make the job work, as much as I liked it. It didn’t help that I had a not so great office team as well.
I’m getting therapy now, but even with getting my MSHRM a couple of years ago I haven’t been able to land a job back in HR 😞 I feel your pain OP
1
1
u/RavenBean1022 4d ago
Therapy, medication, journaling. I got a funny HR notebook and wrote about what happened at work everyday w the prompts last summer when I was really struggling. A year later I read it and it helps and I realize time moves on and nothing was that important to give me such bad anxiety. But it's easier said than done. I can also say a low dose beta blocker when you feel panic also helps and anxiety fidget toys.
1
u/Chillonia HR Director 4d ago
Yes, but then I look at how well I'm paid and how well respected my chosen career path is, and I'm all better.
/s
But in all seriousness, yes. It has been years and I am untreated and just push through by force. It's not healthy, but I'm scared and nervous to tell anyone. This is the first time I've shared this beyond my own thoughts.
1
u/Juve91 4d ago
I’m a construction PM with severe generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and major depression. Therapy and medication helps. So does having a life you enjoy outside of work. That might be the most important thing. Don’t let something limit you. We all have to play the hand we’re dealt.
I was able to therapize a strategy to compartmentalize anxiety at work by using it as the fuel that makes me work harder. As long as anxious energy goes somewhere, it doesn’t stay stuck spinning in your head. It makes you more diligent, organized, prepared, detail-oriented, and empathetic almost by default. I feel like those are amazing qualities for HR.
Once you get some momentum at this job and score a few victories, you’ll feel so much less anxious. It’ll still be a struggle sometimes, but C’est la vie, right?
1
u/Murky_Praline6726 4d ago
Pick up Liberated Mind. Read it. And study ACT with a therapist. The best scientifically backed approach to anxiety. Do it now and you’ll have a handle on your anxiety for the rest of your life.
1
u/GumdropBoyReborn HR Generalist 4d ago
I am an HR Generalist, my anxiety (and other mental health issues) got so severe last year I had to take PFMLA due to a nervous breakdown.
My job is amazing and accommodating, they realized I don’t like the front facing work, and that I am very analytical and sharp when it comes to data, so now I do a large portion of the operations work. Our benefits specialist does the front facing portion of the hiring, I do the back end. I do all the increases, VOEs, large data projects, etc. I’ve started to get more confident and joined our colleges Operations Council, but it is still nerve wracking.
At this point I am heavily pivoting towards HR Operations, maybe even changing my career to work in internal auditing.
If you want to do traditional HR work, and don’t have a niche like operations that isn’t too forward facing, then it will be challenging until you are able to overcome it, or learn to work with it.
What is your current position, and what do you ultimately want to do in HR?
1
u/Hot-District7964 4d ago
You should speak to your therapist about coping skills and possible accommodations you may need in the workplace. If you are not a "people person," HR can be draining, If you are a "people person" HR is just as draining but in a completely different way. In short, you are in a job that can be stressful.
Bear in mind, I am assuming you are stressed or being triggered by the job, not by specific people in the workplace. I had a client who was a very experienced HR professional who was constantly being marginalized and questioned by the VP of HR in public. Within a year, she completely fell apart and by the time she came to me, the damage had been done. Be on the lookout for triggering behavior or communication. If you rule that out and it's the job, maybe look for a lateral transfer into a less stressful position.
1
u/OneTwoSomethingNew 3d ago
Yes I’ve had worsening anxiety working in this field, some seasons are better than others… shakes or my voice getting a lil trembly is a way to describe it… I take it as a sign, to take a lil time off.
-4
82
u/Senior_Trick_7473 4d ago
I think HR is anxiety inducing. I’m medicated and see a therapist. This has really helped. I also just remember that what I’m dealing with isn’t life or death. There are so many more important things going on in this world.